


The Ballet Shoes

by creativeHarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Ballet, Hate, Love, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:07:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 74,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7714378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativeHarry/pseuds/creativeHarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has loved ballet since the day he could walk, when he was accepted to college signing up to ballet was an obvious choice despite his families disapproval. College brings new challenges and new people, including Louis. Louis is a jerk and finds fun in things Harry does for pleasure like ballet, but Louis has secrets, secrets only he and his journal know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Step Closer

The day I told my parents college accepted me into the Ballet part, they were anything but happy. They wouldn't allow me to stay home while going to a girls class nor would they pay for it. So I moved to campus and got a job in order to pay for it all. That's when I met my best friend Liam, he's the total opposite of me though. He despises Ballet but loves the hip hop type of dances, he's straight but me on the other hand well I'm not quite sure.  I have this attraction to boys I catch myself staring at certain parts of them without meaning to. I certainly think girls are nice also. Liam hangs out with different people from what I do as well, he likes the crowds that go to those stupid immature parties at the frat houses, the ones who could care less about the people around them. I had no choice but to be friends with the lad. He isn't nearly as bad as the others though. 

"What are you thinking about?" Liam questions peeking over the brim of his computer from his bed. 

I take the pen from lip with a sigh. 

"Everything." I answer honestly. 

"You've been doing that a lot lately." he says with a tone I can't quite get. 

"Well Li until you've stepped in my shoes you wouldn't understand." I say with a hint of sass. 

"Okay I'm sorry that was a little rude of me, I know I can't help you that well with what your going through but I can sure try." he says with a slight frown he sits on the bed next to me wrapping an arm around my shoulder. 

"My family hates me because I'm in ballet, they are going to hate me even more when I tell them...." I feel tears coming "I don't what I am Liam I'm constantly catching myself staring at boys, I look at girls too. I'm in a ballet class of which no other boys are in.I wear..." he cuts me off. 

"Harry stop! That's what you are and from it sounds like that you are bi. That's just you Harry, anyone who says something is wrong with what and who you are, are just right up wrong." Liam says softly. 

I wipe away the tears that have fallen down my cheeks. 

"Now I do believe your late for your Ballet class with Mrs. Bramble." 

"I haven't even went for my run or taken a shower." I say scrambling to get my bag for class. 

Throwing the bag over my shoulder I run out Liam catches me throwing my body wrap at me. 

"Thanks!" I run around the corner slamming straight into someone. 

"Watch where your going!" he snaps his accent is definitely one of those from Doncaster. 

I know exactly who it is. I look to see Louis his arms crossed over his chest as I try to grab my body wrap from under his foot. He doesn't lift his foot. He stands there with an evil smirk across his damned face. 

"Please lift your foot." I say as calmly and politely as possible even though I hate his guts. 

Ever since he saw me practicing in the dorm when he visited Liam, he's gave me nothing but hell. Never once in front of Liam though. Probably cause he knows Liam would give it to him.  

"I said lift your foot please I'm not going to ask again." I say letting my annoyance show. 

He lets out a laugh. 

"Or what? Your-" Niall his best friend places a hand on his shoulder. 

"Let him go." he says looking down. 

"Niall you know to not tell me what to do." he warns lifting his foot. 

I snatch it up running down the hall fighting back tears. I wish my mum would talk to me, it's time like these I wish she would accept me for me. No such luck as I near the building to Ballet tears fall shit, how do I explain this to Mrs. Bramble? A quick deep breath I walk inside tears still falling. 

The girls are already dancing, Mrs. Bramble is instructing him.  She spots me in the corner fitting my giant foot into my shoes. She walks over. 

"Mr. Styles you've never been late to my class why are you all of a sudden?" she says sternly. 

"Mr. Styles is my dad please call me  Harry you know this m'am. I'm sorry I'm late I had a little run in." my voice shakes from the tears.  

Mrs. Bramble is a nice woman, sometimes she and I practice after everyone leaves. She says I'm the best in her class and her permitting me extra hours in the studio by myself just brings me one step closer to the big stage.  

She allows me to change into more comfortable pants than jeans thankfully. 

"Jump Harry make your legs stuff and point your feet, extend your legs." she instructs.  

Starting in the corner I run doing the jump landing perfectly on my feet. 

"Very well class, that's it for today." she says an hour and thirty minutes later. 

"Harry want to go out to dinner?" one of the girls approaches me. 

"No, no thank you." I say scooping up my bag before leaving. 

~~~ 

For Louis however college wasn't what he wanted. It's what his family wanted or what his mother wanted at least.  

From what Louis thought he'd never find pleasure in any part of it but he did. 

He loved the parties at the Frat houses every Friday and weekend, he most certainly found pleasure in the curly lad he constantly picked on, the amazing high he felt when he got drunk and had one night stands with the girls.  

Yeah he had a few friends none of which didn't love the exact things he did. Except Niall he did like to party a good bit but not as much as he did, he was nicer than Louis, he liked to have a one night stand with a girl but not all the time. Even when he did he didn't like to shame the girl.  He respected them, everytime after he would walk them back to the dorms, even offer the girl his bed and room while he went to sleep in Louis' room on the floor. Niall didn't like how Louis pushed Harry to break, he would never let Louis hurt him pyschically. Though once Niall wasn't paying attention and Louis pushed Harry right into a wall to which he banged his head on. He was some what opposite of Louis. 

"What you do to him Louis isn't right, why do you do that?" Niall questioned sitting on the end of Louis' bed. 

"Why are you such a pain in the ass?" Louis asked scribbling words in his journal. 

"Because unlike you I care about people?" Niall said with a raised brow. 

"Kindly stop asking questions you are getting on my nerves. Get out, I want to be alone!" Louis snapped at Niall throwing his journal to the side of him. 

Niall stormed to the door placing his hand on the knob.  

"You are an asshole Louis, I stick up constantly for you cause your my best friend! I'm through trying to be your friend Louis, when all you do is constantly shove it back in my face without a single thank you!" Niall walked out slamming the door. 

~~~ 

"He ripped my body wrap!" I storm in the dorm throwing my bag to the side of my bed. 

"Woah there calm down. Try to be quiet too because its 10 at night. Who ripped it?" Liam sits up looking at me carefully. 

"You know your friend Louis? Yeah well it was him!" I say throwing the wrap on top of my bag. 

"Sure he didn't mean to." Liam defends. 

"Oh he meant to, he stepped on it on purpose I tried to get it from him but it ripped luckily Niall was there to tell him to lift his foot." I say with a huff. 

"Louis is a natural ass." Liam says with a shrug.  

"Yeah I know his ass behavior has been on since I got here!" I say. 

He doesn't say anything. 

"I have no classes tomorrow I'm looking for apartments. Do you want to go?" 

Harry was through but he didn't want to give Louis the pleasure of being winner. So he decided an apartment would be his best option. 

"Yeah...uh sure I'll go." Liam says. 

I give him a nod. One step farther but yet one step closer Harry thought to himself. It would make him closer and more able to focus on his Ballet and other studies. It would put him a little far from his only friend Liam. Harry needed this one step closer for him to focus and so he took it.


	2. "Possibly Overthinking It?"

To Harry he thought this moving into an apartment was an escape and a good one at that. To Liam he only thought it was an escape from Louis not a step closer to anything.  

"Harry don't you think your doing this over nothing?" Liam spoke up from the passenger seat. 

"I invited you to apartment shop with me not persuade me to stay." I say. 

"Harry please stay at the dorm it be much more better with you there, I don't want any other person in there as my roommate. You are my best mate." Liam tries to persuade. 

"Liam, I'll tell you the truth," I say parking in front of an apartment building "I am moving cause of Louis, I'm sick of him pushing me around when I've done nothing to him!" 

I get out walking to the building. 

"You've got to stand up to him!" Liam says from my car walking to me "instead of running like a scared little girl!" 

"Excuse me?" I snap. 

"Harry you can't run from things like this. You've got to show him he has no power over you." he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

I look between the building and him. 

"Okay." I say walking back to my car. 

Liam was greatful that Harry changed his mind and he was indeed overthinking it. It was true though Liam wouldn't want anyone else as his roommate. 

"Let's make a day out of this outing, it's Friday I'd like to have some fun before I go get layed and drunk." he says as we get back in the car. 

I roll my eyes at his words and cringe.  I hate that my best friend is into the same things as my bully. 

"Exactly what do you have in mind?" I question. 

Liam rubbed his chin. 

"Um catch a film at the cinema?" he suggests with a shrug.  

"Don't like cinemas they are filthy to me." I say. 

"Oi well I've got nothing then." Liam said looking out the window. 

"Um how about we go get some lunch and rent a movie of your choice instead?" I suggest.  

Liam shook his head. 

"It sounds weird uh-" he paused "never mind that making a day." 

"Oh?" Harry was gutted at the fact Liam wanted to drop it all. 

Liam put his phone back in his pocket. 

"I'm sorry some other time?" Liam says with a shrug. 

It takes a bit of everything for me not to pull over and make him walk the rest of the way because I know exactly why he suddenly wants to drop everything. Obviously it's one of his friends and I'm pretty sure it's Louis. To sooth the tension I turn on the radio and I have Snow Patrol CD in which starts playing Chasing Cars perfect. 

Liam knew Harry was upset judging this because he had his hands in tight fist around the steering wheel and his music was blasted. Liam left him alone hanging his head down knowing he most likely hurt his feelings. Which he did, Harry didn't dare say the truth. When they pulled into the parking lot, walking back to the dorm Harry didn't say anything not when Liam said something to him.  He did however talk to some passing friends whom said hello to him. 

"Harry please talk to me!" Liam begs. 

"Okay." Harry mumbled.  

"I know you're pissed at me." Liam says as they started up the steps to the dorms on the third floor. 

"Damn right I am and I swear if they are waiting at the door for you, I am done!" Harry said sternly. 

Liam swallowed nervously because they were at the door which they hadn't reached yet. 

"Harry you best wait here then uh.... they are at the door waiting cause I told them to." Liam looks down. 

"Bloody hell!" Harry said flinging his arms up before walking quickly back down the steps. 

Liam didn't move from his spot. 

"Where you going?" Liam said feeling bad.  

Harry gave him the finger not talking to him and disappeared out of sight.  
Liam was worried about what Harry was going to do and where but he pushed him to the back of his mind. 

Harry wanted to go to the studio and dance hard to blow of steam but his bag was in the dorm. So instead he went to his spot. 

I thought our friendship was important to Liam more so then his need to get drunk, party, and get fucked by some random slut. I'm red I know it may be a bit childish the way I'm acting but honestly, I think I have every right to be this way. He ditched me for Louis. Not that it wasn't the first time it's happened because it's happened so many times before, I've become fed up. I just wish more than ever my mum would talk to me, my sister, my step dad, my dad. I feel a stray tear fall down my cheek as I think about it. The view is perfect today the evening sun lowers inch by inch behind the green mountains. I snap a picture of it with my phone and instagram it. Captioning it the only place I can go to be alone beautiful. 

A snap of a twig scares me making me jump I turn around and see Niall. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask turning back around. 

He sits on the brick wall beside me facing away from the scenery. 

"I came to see if you were alright...." he shrugs.  

"You followed me?" I ignore what he's just said. 

He nods. 

"That's creepy was hoping no one else would find out about my spot." I say a little annoyed he followed me. 

"I can leave." he thumbs towards the path back to the trail I parked on. 

"I'm not that mean. You better not tell anyone else how to get here, especially Louis." I say stern. 

"Hey I'm sorry about him, he's a jerk I know." Niall says. 

"Your apologizing for him? Wow he must of got to you as well." I say.

Niall was scared of Louis so much so he wouldn't dare not defend him. 

"Yeah I guess I am." he says. 

"I don't want pity Niall I've had enough of that all my life! I'm leaving don't follow me!" I say.

Harry sped off in his car leaving Niall behind. He didn't want anyone's pity especially anyones close to Louis. He went back to the dorm locking the door behind him. Knowing drunk Liam would try to bring the girl here and he wasn't having that at all. He was alone for the night.

I decide to shower, since they are never busy around this time. It's 10:50 at night. I gather my shower bag and some sweats and head to the showers.  Starting the water I strip folding my dirty clothes in a pile so they don't fall to the wet nasty floor. Thank you for flips flops!  

I step under the water, letting it cascade down my body. The water feels heavenly. I squirt some coconut scented shampoo onto my hand washing my hair. I hear the door open and close but no sound of anyone at all. I quickly finish up my shower. Throwing my hair in a towel after putting on my packers sweat shirt. Scrambling to get into my boxers, I could hear more movement it was only one person out there I know. Something tells me it's not going to be nice when I step out. I do have my phone yes! 

I fumble with it getting it out my pocket and I bring up Liams number. Praying he isn't drunk. 

Bestfriend:  
Liam I'm in the bathroom at the dorms, someone's in here. Only one person I know and whoever it is wants to get me. Where are you? 

My fingers shake as I press send. I give Liam five minutes to respond and he doesn't. So I have to go out there myself and most likely get beaten to a pulp. 

"W-whoever is out there I'm coming out now, and I don't want any trouble."

I gather my things in my arms stuffing my phone back in my pocket. I'm shaking cause I'm so scared the steam fogs everything so I can't really see where anyone is. 

"I'm leaving now I'm at the door." I say in a shaky voice trying to find the handle. 

A hand grabs my shirt pulling me against the wall. I close my eyes but open them after I'm slammed against it. Louis it's Louis. He smells gross like alcohol and cigarettes. 

"L-Louis I uh don't want any trouble. P-please let me go." I hug my things closer. 

He stares at me with those icey blues directly into my eyes. I squirm trying to get out of his grip. Shit he's strong. 

"Louis let me go, stop looking at me." I say turning my head away from his stare. 

His arm is against my neck the other is at his side. His knee is under my crotch. If I wasn't hugging my things I could smack him hard enough to where he falls but I can't. He starts leaning forward his face is almost sad but angry at the same time. I shake my head from side to side. He is not kissing me! No way! 

"Pretty little pwincess is scared." he slurs. 

"Don't call me that!" I snap. 

"You stop being so troubling to Liam you hear me, you've ruined his night. I can't have you doing that." he warns.  
"Why do you do this to me?" I question trying to reconcile with him calmly. 

He laughs. 

"I enjoy ruining your perfect little life you have going on." he says with an evil smile. 

This made Harry snap. Nothing about his life was perfect.

Harry dropped his things giving Louis a hard push to the floor. 

"You think my life is perfect! You are dead wrong! Not a single thing in my life is perfect and it's not because of you either! You are disgusting! You think its perfectly fine to harass me and degrade me and push me around! Louis you are cold, you have taken my only fucking friend from me! You are horrible!" I yell. 

He scrambles to his feet slamming me hard and violently against the wall making me whimper in pain. 

Louis almost spilled, almost finally broke down and told everything. About how his dad cheated on his mum too many times, about how his mum struggles taking care of the kids. About everything, but he didn't. Instead he didn't he got up angry with himself he walked out leaving Harry alone. He can't do it and he won't tell him anything. Louis thought. Louis felt something, something like guilt, and sorrow. 

Harry was shocked. He did see tears in Louis' eyes but why was he crying now? He gathered his things going straight to bed thinking about what he saw in Louis' face after he had yelled at him. He went to bed with Louis on his mind.


	3. "I Want You"

The next few days are strange. Something entirely confusing to me and definitely shocking. Louis, I haven't seen him in days. At least not here in the dorm, but I did see him once in the hall while walking to the studio for practice. I tensed up ready for something to happen but it didn't. He was alone his head was down, his hands stuffed in his pockets. This new? him is giving me whiplash. 

Walking back in the dorm from the studio I see Liam is up. 

"Hey," I clear my throat. 

"Hi," he yawns stretching his arms out. 

"You sleep for ages." I say. 

"I've been tired so there's my excuse," Liam says throwing the duvet off his figure "I've been meaning to talk to you about that text." 

"Oh...I- it's nothing now." 

Harry did want to tell Liam all about the incident in the bathroom that night but in a way he just wanted it to be something he figured for himself. 

"Harry," Liam urged. 

"Liam please I texted you because I was scared. I handled it so now it's okay." Harry lied. 

"Okay fine fine." Liam put his hands up in defeat. 

"Thank you, I'm going to take a shower I'm sweaty and gross." I say grabbing my bag. 

"But Harold you hate showering during the day?" Liam arched a brow.

"I do, but I'm going to shower now cause I want to." Harry rambled. 

Liam shook his head knowing that wasn't the real reason. He began to think what happened that night with him and Louis. Neither of them would tell him a thing. It made Liam think hard. 

~~ 

"Louis what's up with you?" Niall asked as he entered Louis' room. 

"If you ask that one more time I'm going to go mad, I'm not going to tell you!" I say "go I need to write now." 

Louis grabbed his precious journal and started writing when Niall left the room without another word. Louis carried the journal with him everywhere if he was halfway some where and forgot it he would turn back just to get it. No one was allowed to read this, it was filled with so many personal things. Things that if anyone knew especially at the frat house, they would laugh. 

Louis hated the frat house but every dorm was taken. He didn't consider himself of that stupid alpha aida stuff, that every frat had. When they had what they called a sacred meeting, Louis would stay in his room or go somewhere. He would actually go to the dorm with Liam for a bit and usually pester Harry to no end with childish insults and picking. 

Louis couldn't get Harry off his mind. Harry's words rang through his mind over and over. It was making Louis mad. Louis grabbed his keys and journal and left. The rain pounded against the windshield of his antique Ford 1960 Mustang. He loved that car, the sound of the engine was music to his ears, the interior leather seats was perfect. Everything to him in that car was perfect. 

Luckily the car park wasn't full there was one close to the door and it was now pouring. Louis tucked his journal in his jacket from the rain, just as he was about to get out he see's him. Alone his head is down from the rain his hood on his head. 

"Come on Louis!" Louis said to himself. 

Louis sighed heavily and opened his door. Approaching him putting his hood up. 

"Harry." Louis said nervously. 

Louis let him pass before stopping him. Harry stopped in his tracks, turning to his bully. He swallowed before answering. 

"You're sadly mistaken if you think I want anything to do with you." Harry said. 

"I'm sorry," Louis began. 

"You are sorry your sorry?" Harry laughed. 

Louis nodded. 

"Yes I am Harry and I know you-" 

"Please Louis save the act. You hate me! You don't care about me Louis. I've never wanted to hate someone cause hate is one strong thing, but-" Harry cut him off only to get off straight back. 

"But I don't..." Louis said. 

"But you do!" Harry snapped yelling not wanting to believe it. 

"No I don't Harry!" Louis moved closer only for Harry to stumble backwards over a stick.

Louis offered a hand to help him up. 

"No! Don't you dare act like this! You are hateful to me Louis." Harry stood to his feet leaving space between him and Louis. 

"Please believe me Harry, I'm truly sorry for the way I've been towards you. I was a jerk and-" 

"And what?" Harry demanded answers. 

Louis had fists at his sides fighting the frustration of wanting to Harry to understand. 

"And, you don't understand. I was stupid I shouldn't have come." 

By now both of them were soaked and it was chilly out. 

"Why Louis! Why did you treat me so wrong! Why!" Harry yelled he had tears in his eyes. 

"Because... I was afraid," Louis admitted. 

Harry studied him. 

"I was afraid of admitting how I truly felt towards you." Louis inched closer to Harry but he didn't move this time. 

He stood there in shock, Louis has feelings for me? He thought. No way. 

"H-how do you feel about me Louis?" he swallowed. 

Louis was now mere inches from him. Harry's breathing grew rigid and nervous. Louis could touch Harry if he wanted to hold him even. That's how close they were. Louis reached up caressing Harry's cheek with his hand, leaning closer and closer. Then he stopped just at his lips, he shook his head. 

"No." Louis backed away, Harry noticed tears stream down his face. 

"There you go again!" Harry cried. 

"I can't Harry I'm sorry." Louis cried running back to his car. 

Harry was hurt he can't let him leave not like this. Harry ran after him grabbing his wrist. Louis jerked away from his touch. 

"Don't Harry I don't want to hurt you. If I let this go now if I kiss you now. It will ruin things." his voice was shaken.

The rain has gotten harder. 

"You are already hurting me Louis for fooling me just now," he points to the spot where he nearly kissed him "you are a coward Louis and a good one! You hide from your feelings and I won't be victim." 

Harry started to walk away but he was pulled back, his hood knocked off in the process making his head soaked from the rain. Louis looked at him I'm not a coward he thought. I'm not I won't hide anymore..... 

His lips met Harry's it was a slow heated deep kiss. 

Harry was caught of gaurd but he didn't break the kiss. He deepened it by taking over leading the kiss, his lips surrounding Louis'. He pulled back when Louis broke the kiss. 

Louis wanted to kiss Harry again. In fact he wanted to kiss him over and over. He wouldn't though. He wanted to earn Harry he surely didn't deserve him now. 

"I want you Harry." 

Harry didn't know what to say because the kiss said it all. Harry did still feel the little hate he had for Louis as he stood in the rain looking in front of him. 

Harry and Louis exchanged numbers before Louis left leaving Harry standing there watching the taillights disappear. Harry wouldn't admit it but he wanted that hateful boy also.


	4. Secrets and Lies

Harry walked into the dorm alone and wet. He was still flashing back to the kiss over and over. Liam noticed the actions of Harry. 

"Why are you all wet?" Liam asked from his desk. 

"Got caught in the rain." I motioned towards the window lying. 

I pull off my soaked jacket throwing it in the hamper. I change my pants before sitting on my bed. 

"That shop was closed that I wanted to go get food at so I went to another." I ramble.

Liam rolls his eyes. Liam knew something was up, something he wanted to know. Harry's lips were swollen and he is acting like a school girl would if the hottest guy in school suddenly asked her out. Liam was going to find out one way or the other. He was aggravated and wanted answers. 

"Closed ay? Why your lips so red and swollen?" Liam arched a brow at Harry. 

Harry fixed his pillow so he could see Liam. 

"My lips have always had that fullness to them Payne, why are you paying attention so closely to me?" Harry pushed it further. 

Liam didn't know a thing, Harry wanted to tell him but he was afraid. 

"You are acting off usually when you get caught in the rain you come back complaining because your hair gets all mess-" Harry cut him off. 

"He kissed me." he hides his face in his hands.  

"Who did?" Liam scrunched his brows paying full attention to Harry now. 

Harry bit his lip nervously and swallowed.  

"Louis..." his name rolled off Harry's tongue. 

Liam's mouth fell open in shock. Liam didn't know if he just said Louis or not but he was pretty sure he did.  Liam was a little confused. 

"D-did you say Louis?" Liam stuttered.   
Harry sat up nodding to which Liam shook his head. 

Harry looked down. 

"I don't know what happen, I never in a million years imagined me doing that." 

Liam crossed over to him sitting next to him on his bed patting his back assuringly. 

"You kissed him?" he questions softly. 

"Well more like he did me, but I stopped him from leaving then he just pulls me into a kiss." Harry says.  

"Why didn't you tell me first hand about it? Its not like you ended up in bed with him." Liam says with a shrug. 

"I was afraid." Harry shrugged looking at his best friend apologetically. 

"Just be careful yeah? Don't let him fool you." Liam clapped his hand on my back standing up.  

He grabbed his shower things and left. He was getting ready for the party tonight at Louis' frat house.  Something in me wanted me to go to that party just to go and see him.... but partying wasn't my thing. My phone buzzed getting my attention. 

Louis:  
You coming to the party tonight? 

I replied immediately.  

To Louis:  
I don't do parties.... 

I didn't trust myself enough to go to that party Louis was the reason for that. Between drinking and him something would happen. I could bring a bottle of water and perhaps chat a bit just be casual about it... 

No Harry thought never mind. I'll just go to the studio for a while. He grabbed his bag for the studio and was on his way. He didn't have his favorite wrap anymore cause unfortunately Louis ripped it and Harry was still mad about that. 

When he reached the studio he could hear faint music from one of the dance rooms. Who could be here? Harry walked quietly and cautiously in case it was an intruder. He stopped dead in his tracks staring at what he saw through the crack of the door. 

￼

Louis was in ballet leggings, and normal top. He was wearing simple ballet attire. Harry wanted to barge right in and demand to know why he claimed to hate ballet but stand in the middle of a studio. 

Harry was mad at this so he stormed off knocking over a rack in the process sure Louis heard this cause not long after his voice echoed through the room stopping Harry in his tracks. 

"Harry?" Louis said softly.  

Harry had tears in his eyes he didn't dare turn to look at the boy behind him. 

"You pick on me for what I love,  then all along you have been doing it yourself." Harry said in a low sad voice. 

Louis put his hand on Harry's back gently to which Harry tensed and got out of his touch. 

"I'm sorry." Louis sad sadly. 

"Sorry?" Harry finally turned around. 

"Forget it then Harry." Louis through his hands up walking back to the room. 

"No!" Harry snapped following him into the room. 

Harry wasn't sure why he chased Louis back in the room. What exactly was it that was pulling Harry to Louis. Every part of Harry should of hated him, but something pulled him. 

"Stop running and hiding from me." Harry cried. 

"I can't help it." Louis sat on the floor bringing his knees to his chest. 

"Why can't you? What's stopping you?" Harry pushed.

"Go Harry just please go." Louis said lowly. 

"Yeah okay I'll go. You are a damn coward." Harry said before running out the building straight to his car. 

￼

He was going to the party. 

The party was crowded it smelled of alcohol and sweat. Harry searched the crowd for Niall or Liam. Someone offered him a cheap beer he took it but didn't drink it. 

Liam came up behind him clapping him on the back making Harry slosh beer onto his shirt. 

"Liam you scared me." Harry said over the music.  

"What the hell are you doing here?" Liam half slurred. 

"Where's Niall?" Harry questioned still scanning the room.  

It was now 9:30 at night surely he was drunk some where already. Harry looked down at his cup and back at Liam. A small smile playing on his lips. He still was surprised Louis hadn't came chasing after him. Harry never drank but once in his life. Before he could stop himself he drank half his cup. Cringing at the taste. 

Liams mouth fell to the floor in shock.    
"Harold what you doing? Stop drinking." Liam said taking his cup from him. 

"Don't take my drink. I'm learning to live a little." Harry swiped his cup back chugging the rest of the beer down. 

Liam put his hands up. 

"How did you even get here?" Liam questioned. 

"I drove. Did you know Louis dances?" Harry said moving into the crowd in search of something stronger to drink. 

"Is that what this is about?" Liam questioned following him through the crowd. 

"You didn't answer my question." Harry said finding a stronger drink and taking a sip cringing at the taste at first.  

"Yes I did." Liam said guilty. 

"Some friend you are, all the while you knew," Harry points a finger into Liams chest "you let him pick on me, for something he was? This is a load of bullshit. Leave me alone!" 

With that Harry turned on his heel disappearing into the crowd yet again but Liam didn't follow. 

Hours later Harry was totally drunk. The base of the music thrummed through his chest like a drum. He hung around a group of people he didn't know. They all wanted to play spin the bottle. Harry obliged taking another sip out of his drink.  They sat in a small circle using an old beer bottle.  

"Alright here the rules whoever the bottle lands on when you spin it you have to kiss or touch the person next to you." said one of them. 

They all agreed.  

"I'll go firssst." Harry slurred. 

Harry spun the bottle and it landed on some punk girl.  Her hair was blue, her makeup a horrible dark color and she had piercings here and there. Her clothes had holes, her shorts were really short, her shirt cut low revealing a lot of cleavage. She leaned in for the kiss. Harry leaned in giving her a small proper kiss before they both leaned back for the next turn.   
-  
"Liam where's Harry?" Louis said finding him in the crowd only after coming in.

"I don't know." he shrugged sipping his drink. 

"What do y-" Louis stopped when he saw his familiar face in the small circle on the floor he was leaning in to the guy in front of him. 

Louis walked over practically jerking Harry up from the circle. He didn't want this to be cause of him. It was bad enough he made him drink, now kiss complete and total strangers. The group Harry was with were total trash. Even Louis disliked them all. 

Louis led Harry outside throwing his drink in the yard. Harry was by any means shit-faced. 

"Let's go Harry." Louis said hooking an arm around his waist. 

"But I want to parttyyy." Harry whined. 

"Well you have enough for the both of us." Louis said taking him to his car fishing out Harry's keys from his pants. 

Louis put Harry in the car and drove him back to the dorm. Where he played hell getting a half asleep drunk Harry up the steps.  Eventually he made it to his dorm and layed him on his bed. He took of his shoes, and shirt but he wouldn't dare take of his pants, he didn't want Harry to think he took advantage of him. 

Louis covered him up. 

"I'm sorry again Harry," he whispered against his head "I love you...." he sealed that with a kiss to his forehead.   
Louis went to Liams bed and layed down he wasn't going to leave Harry while he was like this.


	5. "I Love Him"

The next morning Harry woke up his head was killing him.  He raised up searching the room his eyes went wide when he saw Louis' figure in Liams bed still sleeping soundly. He then checked himself he was still clothed in all but a shirt and shoes. Why is Louis here? He thought. He layed back down he was going to wait until Louis woke up to load the questions.  

30 minutes later with an even worse headache Louis finally woke up and Harry was grateful. Louis sat up stretching and yawning. He hung his head down. 

"We didn't do anything last night don't worry I only took you back and I stayed to make sure you would be okay." Louis said. 

"That's the first two questions answered then." Harry said squinting his eyes shut from the pain. 

Louis got up in only his boxers sifting through Liams night table drawer for some pain killers. Popping the top he put two in his hand giving them to Harry. 

"Take those it will help with the head at least, sleep will help with the rest." Louis said sliding his pants on. 

"I heard you tell me something before I drifted off to sleep." Harry said swallowing the pills with a bottle of water. 

"Oh yeah, and what was that?" Louis said incredulously.  

"You told- you told me you uh loved me and then you kissed my head." Harry stammered with his words. 

Louis laughed like he didn't say that. Inside he was glad he said it but outside he felt like a damned idiot for throwing it out there in a drunken moment for Harry that is. 

"No I uh think you were hearing things love, uh drink does that to you. You keep on you'll learn." Louis said with his pointer finger in the air. 

"Would you stop being a total dick? Louis I was drunk well off my ass but I do know you said you love me and don't try and convince me you didn't. Don't you dare blame it on the drinks either." Harry said aggravated. 

Harry was well over with the headache, he was sure he was about to vomit from the stress and headache, he was sure done playing this stupid little game Louis was playing. Harry layed his arms over his eyes laying down once again.  

"On second thought Louis just come back when you have some balls to tell me how you really feel, yeah? I got a killer hangover and your pisstake isn't helping much so if you have nothing more to say kindly get out." Harry waved his hand towards the door. 

He wasn't surprised when he heard feet go towards his bed then a slight grunt noise from Louis before the feet walked out the door with a slam. 

Louis put his hood up the sun was out it was a perfectly nice day but he couldn't be seen crying. His hand were stuffed in his pockets. He once again ran from what scared him the most since he never really felt or knew the real thing. 

￼

He caught the bus back to the frat house, he locked himself in his room. Scribbling more into his journal. Everyone time after time got hold to his journal on occasion, each time however Louis threatened them and got his journal back. It held the most important, secretive, deep things Louis has ever done, felt, thought. You could say that journal was Louis' person he never had to talk to. He had approximately only two people he could talk to. That was Niall and Liam but he couldn't tell them what was in the journal. His journal was his most prized possession. 

That was mainly because of what the journal held. Pages upon pages of Louis' deepest maybe considerably dark horrid emotions and thoughts. He thought about suicide time and time again, when he was younger about 15 to be exact..... people he thought would laugh at his reasons behind the journal, think it's absolutely ridiculous even. 

Tear stains, blood stains, all evident on some of the pages. Indicating what Louis felt and even still feels. A light knock on his door interrupted the tears and scribbling of emotions in his journal. He didn't bother opening the door or even going to it for that matter. 

"Go away." Louis huffed. 

The knock sounded again only harder.   
"Damn it! I said go away." Louis swung open his door, tears still falling only to be met with a familiar pair of emerald green eyes staring at him. 

Harry pushed Louis in his room, slamming his lips into Louis' shaking ones. Shutting and locking the door. He kept contact with his lips as he continued pushing Louis towards the bed until the back of Louis' legs hit the bed sending him onto the bed. His knees were bent over the bed. His mind was vaguely aware of his open journal beside his head but more focused on Harry's lips once again crashing into his. The kiss was sloppy, and rushed. Harry fisted Louis' hair as he deepened the kiss climbing on Louis' lap straddling him. As much as Louis wanted this to happen he couldn't let Harry give himself to him like this, not here. Not for the reason he came. 

Louis put a hand over his mouth stopping Harry's enticing assault. 

"Not now Harry." Louis whispered breathless his head turned away from Harry. 

Harry climbed off his lap, his eyes filled with tears and sat on the edge of the bed. Louis sat up staying behind him. 

"I can't let you give yourself to me like that, not for that reason Harry." Louis said softly.  

"But I wanted to Louis." Harry cried hanging his head. 

"Not like this, I don't deserve you the way you are willingly giving yourself to me is not fair....." Louis trailed off nervously. 

"IT IS FAIR LOUIS! CANT YOU SEE IM SCREAMING AT YOU NEEDING YOU I WANT YOU- YOU-" Harry yelled his vains popping up in his neck but was cut off. 

"YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM HARRY! NO IDEA, IF YOU KNEW HALF OF ME YOU WOULD GO RUNNING." Louis yelled over him.  

Harry runs his hand through his hair frustrated. Louis stared hard and long at his journal. What if I let him read it? Everything I've been running from is written in it. He thought. 

"You are right I don't know you Louis but we all have our own stories and how am I ever going to know yours if you won't let me in?" Harry stood to his feet. 

Both of them were lost in their emotions. Harry was tired, confused, and heartbroken.  Heartbroken not cause of Louis but because of the recent happenings with his family.  Louis was just what he needed. 

Louis stayed silent still staring at his journal. 

"Harry wait," Louis stumbled off his bed "let me take you out yeah? If we want something from what ever the hell this is let's do it right yeah?" 

Harry's eyes was still brimmed with tears but he wasn't crying. Though that's what he wanted to do.

"Okay Louis," he nodded "I want to get to know you. I hope you can at least let me do that yeah?" 

"I will," Louis smiled softly at the boy "I'll pick you up Friday at your dorm at 7?" 

Harry nodded. Louis stood on his toes a little kissing him on the cheek. Harry was anxious as he walked back downstairs and out of the house. It was only Wednesday this was going to be a wait of which seemed like ages. 

Louis was nervous. He promised Harry he'd tell him about him, but he wasn't going to tell all. Not yet at least.  What was he going to tell him? He was going to answer what he could truthfully.  He wanted Harry, Harry wanted him. He was going to have to work on this wall he has built up around himself.  The wall of which he thought was impenetrable.  That was until Harry. It wasn't coming crashing down, why it was slowly being taken down stone by stone. 

Dear Journal, 

I love him, I need him, I want him more than I had ever known before. I was a damned fool for going about the way I have. I was wrong for treating him the way I have. It's time to change.....


	6. The Date

"Love I need some help." Louis waved over a lady organizing some tutus on the rack. 

"What may I help you with?" 

"I need a pink body wrap, one like this." Louis showed her the one he had ripped of Harry's.  

"It's quite large sir, I'm not sure we have that here." the lady said sifting through the rack. 

"Well if you don't have it bloody ordered in by Friday. I'll spend my last pound on this." Louis pushed. 

The lady huffed her chest jerking the wrap out of his hand. 

"Excuse you." Louis said annoyed. 

The lady typed away on the keyboard clicking around. 

"Alright it will be here by Saturday." the lady said. 

Louis rubbed his forehead frustrated. 

"I said by bloody Friday. I need it for Friday!" Louis tried to contain his anger. 

"Well I'm sorry but it won't come in Friday." the lady mocked. 

Louis grumbled and turned on his heel pissed. 

"It better be here by Saturday." he said before exiting the shop. 

He was nervous and had no idea how to dress for what he planned. Liam had a sense of fashion but not nearly as well as what Harry did. He needed help. Once in his car he dialed Liam. 

"Ay mate." Liam answered. 

"Right, I need some help." Louis said chewing on his bottom lip. 

"With?"

"Well as you know I'm getting with Harry or you should know." 

"Uh huh." 

"Well I need help picking what to wear tomorrow. Can you come by the frat in say 20 minutes?" 

Liam hesistated looking at Harry across the room who was also looking through his drawers full of clothes. He didn't trust Louis, something told him that Louis was going to hurt him. He sighed realizing it be wrong for him to not help Louis cause he was indeed the one his best friend was falling for. 

"Okay I'm leaving now." Liam got up putting on his shoes hanging up. 

"Where you off to?" Harry questioned pulling a sheer see through black button up out the drawer. 

"I'm going to hang out with Louis." Liam thumbed towards the door.  

"Okay." Harry waved him off. 

~  
At the frat Liam made his way up the stairs. It was a mess and it smelled horrible. It smelled of sweat, stale cigarette, and different drugs and alcohol. Liam turned up his nose.  He knocked on the door. 

"Come in." 

"So what do you need help with?" 

"What to wear I have no idea, its been proper ages since I've-" Louis stopped before he gave too many details "uh I need help on what to wear I'm taking him to a nice dinner, then uh I think a walk some where nice, then to get some ice cream or something." Louis shrugged. 

"Go casual and with a formal twist." Liam said with shrug.  

"English please." 

Liam shook his head.  

"Oi wear your nicest pair of skinny jeans you have.  Then a good graphic t-shirt and a blazer possibly with uh some nice shoes not those vans." Liam explained.  

Louis nodded sifting through the drawers finding the nicest pair of jeans he had and layed them out, then he sifted through looking for a nice graphic t-shirt to his luck he found one. Eventually he layed out a whole outfit. 

￼

Liam approved and Louis was some what relieved of that part it was just everything else. He was still nervous about what was going to happen, the questions that were going to be asked. He feared he would say the wrong thing and Harry would leave. 

"You hurt him Louis I swear I'm going to kill you." Liam said with his arms crossed. 

"I don't intend to Liam, but I have things I regret doing, things I really need to tell him before things get serious. Things even you dont know." Louis looked down. 

"You don't make sense Louis, you've known me longer then him.  All a sudden you want to tell all and not me. You've known me a year Louis! One year! And you feel the need to tell Harry about yourself the bad things? What's so damned bad that you won't even tell me?" Liam yelled. 

"It's none of your fucking business Liam. You always want to ruin everything don't you? Make someone feel worse don't ya? Well maybe I didn't want to tell you cause I'm afraid that you'll go to!" Louis yelled back now crying.  

Liam looked at the boy, he hated the way he was fighting some battle inside him. One that he was afraid to tell even Liam. 

"Louis I promise I won't leave mate." Liam sat on the bed next to him patting his back. 

Louis was shaking nervously and he was still crying. He was a mess. 

"I-I....." Louis cryed harder and his breathing hitched "I hurt my sister in the worst way ever." 

Liam eyes started watering. He promised he wouldn't leave and he meant it. 

"I hurt her Liam, I hurt her." 

Liam swallowed nervously. 

"How did you hurt her?" Liam said his hand still on Louis' back his eyes stinging from the tears. 

"She wouldn't stop blabbering on about how I was never a good kid to mum, how they resented me and the things I do. She told me I was worthless and no one-" he cried harder "loved me. I snapped all I saw was red, I was drunk and high at the time I wasn't thinking and I- I beat her Liam I beat her so bad. I nearly killed her, if my mum hadn't of pulled me away I would of." he cryed. 

"Go on...." Liam rubbed his back in gentle circles. 

"She told me to go and never come back. So I did I left and I went to college not because they wanted me to that's what I wanted everyone to know. I went to make something of myself and hopefully make them proud. They still won't talk to me, I've went by the house before tried to get them to see me they ignored me and wouldn't answer the door." 

Louis leaned on Liams shoulder. Liam opened his arms hugging the boy comforting him in any way he could. 

"Oh Louis." Liam said feeling really sorry for Louis truly.

"I've done such bad things, my mum needed me and all I did was bad. I didn't only hurt my sister Liam, I hurt my mum I hit her when she pulled me away from my sister. I hit her so hard she-"

"It's okay you don't have to say anymore." Liam assured him. 

"I'm so scared of telling Harry though. Its not fair if I told you and not him and I don't want you to tell him. So please don't. I don't know what to do." Louis got up pacing the room. 

"I'm not going to tell him Louis don't worry. That's for you to figure out and I know for sure this is going to scare him, but you have to explain everything to him." Liam said softly and stood. 

"This is going to sound so dramatic but for the first time in ages I've not felt this way. I didn't know I felt this way until the other night when I took him back to the dorm and watched over him and I definitely didn't know it until I left him there when I was afraid and we came close. He wanted to give himself to me and I wouldn't let him." Louis turned looking at Liam from the window which he was just looking out of. 

Liam shook his head rubbing the stubble of his chin. 

"Just be careful yeah?" Liam crossed patting his mate on his back. 

Louis nodded.  

"He's really been talking about Friday non stop you know? He-" Liam stopped "never mind."

"I'm still afraid Liam I've told you and not him. It would be really unfair to him and Liam I don't want to fuck up this." 

"There's some things he's not told you either keep that in mind." With that Liam left Louis standing there alone. 

~   
So came Friday. Harry was nervous and excited all in one. 

How am I going to tell Louis what I am? Harry thought running a bit harder then usual down the path. The path Harry ran was through the woods of the Uni. Not many ran it another man and two girls to be exact. He ran it to stay fit but that wasnt really the reason. He ran often to think about random to serious things. Which was often on Harry's mind. He often thought about his family of which he wished would talk to him. His mum and him used to be so close. Especially after the divorce. 

He ran hard off the path and around the field that various sports were played on and up the long stairs and around the east building and straight down the sidewalk that led to the dorms. Until he ran smack into someone sending them to the ground. 

"Oh-" Harry stopped and bent down. 

"Watch it princess!" Louis snapped playfully. 

"Oi I didn't know you were going to pop out of no where!" Harry swatted at the boy helping him up. 

"I-" Louis noticed a slight change on Harry "wait a second you cut your hair?!" 

Harry crossed his arms. 

"Yes I did. I was hoping I wouldn't run into you until the date." Harry giggled. 

"Well sorry, I'll pretend I never saw it yeah?" 

"Right." Harry smiled. 

"I'll see you at 7." Louis smiled turning on his heel walking away from the dorms from which he was walking from.  

Harry walked back to his dorm the familiar butterflys fluttered in his stomach. It was 10 in the morning and Liam should be up by now especially since Louis was coming from there. Harry didn't bother to be quiet. 

He walked in stripping his sweaty jogger top off. 

"Good run?" Liam yawned stretching his arms out. 

"Yeah, did you sleep well I heard you tossing about?" Harry said gathering his things for the shower. 

"Yeah I was just thinking if I'm honest." Liam admitted. 

Harry sat his stuff back down and looked at the boy.  

"About what?" 

"I hate being so daddy like on you but I can't help but worry about how or what's going to happen with you two tonight." Liam half laughed and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.  

Harry chuckled softly.  

"Oh Li what would I ever do without you?" 

Liam laughed. 

"If it weren't for me if I'm not wrong you'd be well screwed and on your way to being miserable everyday because of the very guy you fancy now." 

Harry threw his towel at Liam hitting him in the face.  

"I'm a grown man father I can kick ass if I need to and take care of myself." Harry joked.

"Do not disrespect me son." Liam joked. 

They both laughed. 

"Just be careful yeah?" Liam tossed Harry back his towel. 

"Yeah yeah." Harry waved him off walking out and down the hall to the showers. 

~   
Louis stared at himself in the mirror. He was now looking sharp and clean ready for the date. He grabbed his precious journal off the bed before exiting the room and leaving to pick up Harry.  

Harry was well irritated he stayed at the ballet studio dancing about and lost track of time. Luckily though Liam rang him reminding him he had a special and important occasion in less then 30 minutes. Harry cursed under his breath. Applying an extra spray of the cologne due to his time in the studio.  

"Wear the sheer black button up with the nicest jeans you have and your sparkly grey boots." Liam said seeing Harry struggling to decide on what to wear. 

Harry nodded silently sifting through his closet pulling out the outfit Liam told him to. He got dressed and fixed his hair which he was getting used to. With 10 minutes to spare Harry bantered with Liam. 

"Ay mate here." Liam tossed harry a wrapped condom. 

Harry looked at it with disgust as it sat on his lap. 

"I don't fuck..." Harry reminded Liam by pointing to a spot only Liam had saw by accident. 

"Shit mate I'm sorry, I forgot." Liam snatched the condom from his lap. 

A knock sounded on the door it was soft and barely even a knock. Harry jumped up it was 6:58pm he was earlyish and Harry was pleased. Not only by that but by the way he looked.  He wasn't sloppy like earlier he was cleaned up. This Harry smiled at. 

"Ready?" Louis clapped his hands together smiling widely at the boy. 

"Yeah just let me grab my wallet." Harry said.  

"No this is a date I'm paying." Louis put a hand up.  

"Okay." Harry looked back at Liam and Liam gave a wink. 

Louis and Harry walked awkwardly to the car. Small talk was shared. Louis opened the door for Harry. He was being a real gentlemen. 

Harry bit his lip as he watched Louis drive not knowing what to do with himself. He kept moving his hand on his lap. 

"You know you can hold my hand." Harry smiled at the boy. 

"I know," Louis laughed "I just was waiting on you to say." Louis lied. 

Truth was that was nervous and didn't want to do the wrong thing. He grabbed Harry's hand lacing their fingers together and they rested them on the center console. 

"Why?" Harry broke the silence. 

"Why what?" Louis answered making a turn. 

"Why did you suddenly want me?" 

The question stumped Louis. 

"Well Harry, I suddenly wanted you cause I finally realized you make me feel like something. I was stupid for treating you the way I did," Louis looked at the boy who was listening in awe "Harry I envied you but I didn't realize that until I had to take you out of that Frat, and took you back and watched over you. I didn't want you hurt anymore I didn't want to hurt you anymore.  I was just jealous of the person you were and I couldn't stand it cause I was so unlike you and everyone seemed to like you. Fucking childish I know-" Harry shut Louis up kissing him on the lips. 

"I like you Louis," Harry whispered against his lips "I'm starved so lets go eat." 

Louis smiled fondly at the boy.  

Dinner was good Louis choked once because Harry cracked a joke and made him laugh causing both to laugh harder. Back in the car Harry didn't want it to end and Louis felt the same. Harry had things he was wanting to tell Louis bad and Louis did as well. Harry wanted to wait until the right time. Let it happen naturally so he wouldn't have to explain much but he wanted to do it now really before it disgusted Louis. 

"Louis where we going now?" Harry asked. 

"A walk in the park or something." Louis said. 

"Well if we walk is it private?" Harry felt stupid for saying it the way he did.   
"Yeah not many people walk it." Louis said and raised a brow. 

"Okay." 

Harry needed to show him now. He felt the scared tears rise in his eyes. He looked out the window to hide his face from Louis. 

"Harry are you alright? You just got quiet suddenly." 

Harry nodded. 

"Louis," Harry said his voice shaken "I got to show you something at the park." 

Louis grabbed his hand squeezing it gently. 

"Okay." he said softly. 

So he parked in the graveled car park it was empty so no one else was here, both were greatful. 

Harry began unzipping his pants slowly. Louis was caught off guard causing him to let go of his hand. 

"What are you-" Louis started. 

Harry looked at him his eyes glistening with tears. This was it he liked him so much he was going to show him something. 

Slowly he uncovered it. Louis' eyes widened but then watered. 

It was a scar a big one right next to his penis. 

"I was born with a uterus Louis," he cryed "they wanted to fix me but I ran away. I couldn't let them take away something like this," Louis was crying grabbing Harry's hand tightly "I can't give people kids I can have them, my family wanted to take that from me." Harry cryed harder. 

Louis got out the car and vomited. How could anyone ever want to take something like that from someone? He ran around the car opening the door, pulling Harry into his arms. Holding him tightly. Louis felt horrible for him. Harry held Louis close to him and tighter than what Louis was him. 

"I wanted to tell you so you wouldn't leave me." Harry cryed into Louis. 

"Leave you? You stupid boy I can't ever leave you. Why would I? I think I'm in love with you." Louis looked into Harry's watery eyes and kissed him softly. 

"I think I love you too." Harry whispered on his lips. 

They held hands and walked. It was perfect but they weren't together yet. Which was okay with the both of them. Louis gave Harry his journal and told Harry to read it and call him after. He was afraid to say it all in front of Harry so he gave him the journal. The journal that held everything. The journal that would tell all. The journal that would say what happens next.


	7. Dear Louis

Harry could feel his stomach tighten and ache as he reached for Louis' journal on the end of his bed. Liam was at class and he had at least 30 minutes before he had to leave for the studio and class right after. It had been a week since he and Louis talked or seen each other last. He hadn't touched the journal since he layed it in nightstand drawer for safe keeping. He was afraid to until today he only grabbed it out the drawer when Liam left and sat it on his bed. 

He grabbed it running his fingers along the worn leather binding and the tattered edges. He was nervous and scared all in one. He untied the leather string that held it shut. He swallowed and turned the page to the first entry. He kept replaying in his head what Louis told him before handing him it. 

Dear journal, 

I think often about how much of a disgrace I am to my family. They all yell at me and for what? Do they even care for me? I tried to stop the things I do, drugs and drinking, getting with people I don't even know....but I can't. My mum don't understand how I feel and why I do what I do. I feel she blames me for dad leaving us. I can only find escape of the damned thoughts and pain I feel when I do it. 

Harry felt tears fall down his cheeks and down his neck. He saw the stain of tears on the page and his heart ached for the boy who wrote these words on this page. He couldn't understand why his mum could blame him for this. He continued reading his eyes still filled with tears. 

Was it my fault? I've never bothered asking mum why she hates me so much because I know she'd only yell at me and possibly hit me. For the safety of my sister Lottie. The new twin sisters Daisy and Phoebe she thinks I don't care about them cause the way I shrug them off. I do, I care if only she knew. 

21, May 2008 

Harry didn't continue reading after that cause it was time for Ballet. He took the journal with him and grabbed his things he needed for the next two hours. Louis was young just fiffteen going through stuff. Did his mum abuse him? 

Harry sat in the corner of the studio changing into his ballet shoes, wishing he had his wrap to cover the top of the tights but he didn't. He hated the tights without a wrap and he hated tutus because of how poofy they are. Ms. Bramble as usual made Harry go first. 

"Let your arms naturally go with the move." she instructed as he did a few jumps and gentle spins. 

Harry couldn't stop thinking of Louis, he wanted to run and hug him. He couldn't though he had other pages to read than just the one. 

He ran and jumped perfectly, but he landed flat on the side of his foot making it sound in a loud crack. He immediately grabbed his foot, the pain was horrible. He tried not to scream Ms. Bramble came to his aid. 

"Can you stand?" Ms. Bramble eyed his foot which was already swollen. 

"N-no," Harry gritted his teeth "I don't think so. Call my mate Liam." he pointed to his phone on top his bag in the corner. 

Ms. Bramble nodded and dialed Liam. Harry didn't want to see Louis until the journal was read. 

"Hello?" Liam answered. 

"This is Ms. Bramble, I think you best come to the studio and get Harry he's fallen wrong on his foot and can't walk on it." Ms. Bramble calmly explained. 

"I'll be right there." Liam said hanging up the phone. 

He scrambled with his shoes and walked well ran out. He ran all the way to the studio not stopping for anything. He reached the studio Harry was at and walked in kneeling next to the boy. 

"Harry you dumb ass." Liam looked at his foot that was surely broken or really sprained one. 

"Oops." Harry said trying to laugh. 

"Well come on lets get you to the hospital." Liam grabbed his bag and phone hooking and arm around him and Harry threw his arm over Liams shoulder for support. 

At the hospital he and Liam wait in the room to be examined. 

"Wish they'd bloody hurry up my foot hurts a lot." Harry tryed hard to not swear. 

Five minutes later a familiar white coat entered shutting the curtain behind him. 

"Well Mr. Styles after looking at your x-ray it seems you've only fractured it," he held it up against the light pointing to the fracture "so I'm going to give you a boot brace. Which you'll wear for about 3 weeks and come back and we'll check on it again." 

He left then came back with the brace. The doctor carefully put it on. 

"Keep it on all the time and I wouldn't recommend any dancing or too much walking for those 3 weeks." he said putting the last strap down. 

Harry sat up carefully getting off the bed. He grabbed up his stuff and walked out carefully. He could still drive cause it was his left he had hurt. He was thankful sitting around all the time would drive him mad. 

The car ride back was quiet, Harry wanted to text Louis and tell him he was hurt but he didn't. Harry wanted to continue reading his journal that's all he really wanted. He wanted to keep reading something about the way he could imagine Louis saying these things pulled him in. He couldn't stand waiting anymore. So he carefully untied the leather string for the second time, turning it to the next page. 

Dear journal, 

It doesn't hurt as bad today it hurts worse. Mum hit me in the face because I wanted to know why he left. I want to scream what I feel, but what good will that do? I have no one, I feel so alone. So shattered..... I hate myself for being such a disgrace to my mum. I'll take the blame it's my fault...... I'm sorry. 

23, May 2008 

On this page evident a red dot of blood caught Harry's eyes along with the tear stains scattered about the page. The red dot made Harry cry right then. Poor boy Harry thought. No one would really listen to him. Harry closed the journal hugging it to his chest as the tears fell more. 

"Ay mate you alright?" Liam placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. 

Harry shook his head looking out the window. 

"No," his voice cracked "but if I could tell you why I would but right now I can't Liam." he hugged the journal tighter. 

Liam patted his shoulder before putting his hand back on the steering wheel. 

Harry wanted even more to go to Louis now and tell him he's not alone I'm here for you. I'll be the one you've needed for so long. Harry had an idea a perfect one at that. He told Liam to go to a shop so he could go get a small notebook. He didn't want to verbally tell Louis what he thought. He wanted to put it into hard heartfelt words so they can be permanent. 

It was painful to walk around the store on his foot but they didn't have a wheelchair for Liam to push Harry in so he pushed on and found the right notebook and a nice pen and they left again. Once Harry was settled into his bed he began writing and sent Liam to get them dinner paying for the both of them. 

Dear Louis,   
I don't believe it was your fault at all. I believe everything happens for a reason, because nothing would happen if their wasn't a reason. It's as simple as that. 

H

Seeing he was alone Harry started his second response to Louis. 

Journal entry 2 

Dear Louis,   
I can't begin to imagine the things you went through because it just kills me. It hurts worse to know that she abused you the way she did. Louis even though I don't know you quite good yet, I want nothing more then to do just that. I kind of responded to your entry in my first entry by saying what I did. I'm not good at writing things especially to you cause you've done something to me. Something I can't quite understand if I'm honest. I'm writing a bunch of non sense...... when I saw the stains of your tears and pain something inside me broke. Louis I can't say I love you cause I don't know yet but I can tell you that right now I care so much for you and I do like you so much. I'm certain that when I'm done reading your journal I'll know...... 

Liam walked in carrying some bags of food. It smelled amazing.

Later Harry got to thinking about Louis of all things. About how all a sudden he and Louis liked each other. It was absolutely mad to him, Louis used to bully him constantly then they both started liking each other. It was something he couldn't understand. 

Soon he thought. Soon I will understand. Liam was still on edge about it all but that was the natural protective best friend in him. He spent most of the night reading more of the pages of Louis' journal in return he wrote responses. All talked about his pain and childhood problems. Harry's entry's told his feelings about the boy who was a broken mess and his thought about it. There was two more to go until he was done reading it. 

Something told him to think while you read the rest. Go with your heart not your mind. He thought as he slowly drifted off hugging Louis' journal tightly against his chest. 

(To Liam:)

Liammmm! 

Liam sat in silence briefly until his phone beeped with a message from Louis.  

(To Louis:)

What? 

The message came back seconds later 

Louis:

How's Harry?  

Liam:

Your texting me about Harry? Really? Why can't you text him yourself? 

Louis: 

Cause I promised him I wouldn't bother him until he was done reading.   
Liam:

Reading that journal?  Well your journal? 

Louis:

Yes my bloody journal I've been on edge about it since I gave it to him. I just hope he understands like you did.... can you please answer me now? 

Liam:

He's alright I guess..... 

Louis:

What do you mean by alright?  Why all the ...... ?! 

Liam:

He fractured his foot in ballet earlier he can't do much on it right now and he's asleep right now being its 1:00 am just like we should be- other than that he's good. 

Louis: 

I know what your thinking Liam...

Liam:

And what's that? 

Louis: 

That all a sudden this starts happening.  It's absolutely mad to you I know. I was a total asshole to him and I can't make sense of it either. 

Liam: 

You keep saying that Louis. It should make sense, I mean it's obvious you fell for what you hated. It's as simple as that. You do like him don't you? 

Louis:

More than what I thought Liam and I only want to make up for what I did to him.  Ughh I feel like so sappy and ew what am I talking about.... I like him and I know I love him Liam.  

Liam: 

Alright then you it makes sense.. its now 2 in the morning good night. 

Louis sent Liam back good night but he couldn't sleep. In fact he hasn't slept much since he gave Harry his journal. He felt silly for letting it bother him so much to the point that he couldn't sleep, but really he couldn't help it. He was afraid that when he fell asleep he would wake up to the worst or even dream the worst. He forced himself to think of all the food things that could happen especially about Harry.  He closed his eyes and went to sleep hugging the pillow imagining it was Harry he was holding. 

He really needed Harry whether he realized it or not. He did.


	8. First Time

Dear journal, 

Yesterday I almost ended it nothing has gotten better and nothing ever will. I'm not home anymore...I beat my sister nearly to death- 

Harry could feel the vomit rising in his throat. He knew however there must be a reason why. There had to be but Harry wanted to hear it from Louis. As bad as it sounded he did but he still felt he should read every page like he promised Louis. Since he was alone yet again bed ridden cause his foot. He swallowed hard and began again. 

I just got so fed up with always being nagged and yelled at for nothing. I - I just snapped. She kept telling me how I was never a good kid to mum, how they hated me and the things I do. I was drunk and high. Mum pulled me away from her and told me to get out. I haven't been back since.  I'm sorry god I'm so sorry. 

23 July 2008 

The word sorry was smeared by a tear stain put their by Louis. Harry's heart broke into pieces.  He never felt so sorry for anyone in his life. His chest had a dull ache.  

Dear Journal 

I love him, I need him, I want him more than I had ever known before. I was a damned  fool for going about the way I have. I was wrong for treating him the way I have.  It's time to change.... 

August 12th, 2015 

Harry noticed that on this page there was no stains of any sort. He held the pen to the journal he was to give Louis this last entry was the most important. He started writing even though Liam was across the room on his bed. He liked to be alone while writing to Louis but as he felt the tears fall he wanted him here for the fact he was scared.  

"Li?" Harry said stopping after writing Dear Louis.  

Liam looked up from his laptop screen and his smile faded seeing Harry was crying. Liam crossed the room sitting next to him. 

"Okay what's wrong?" Liam questioned eyeing the journal in his hands. 

"I can't tell him right now not like this and I said I would, but well he doesn't know that yet cause I wrote it. But I feel like it's too soon, it's all too soon. I feel like I don't know-" Harry rambled throwing his hands up. 

Liam pulled him into a side hug. 

"Hey Harold now calm down. He's gone to above and beyond what he would normally do. He wouldn't of ever gave that," he pointed to Louis' journal "to just anyone. He some how fell in love with you Harry and the way I see it he bullied you so he wouldn't allow himself to like or love you-" he paused eyeing Harry "but obviously his 'plan' didn't work too well." 

"Plan?" Harry scrunched his brows looking at Liam with his glossy eyes. 

"He didn't plan any of this he didn't expect to fall for you so suddenly." Liam explained shortly. 

"Li can you take me to him? If not I'll find another way." Harry questioned clutching the journals to his chest tightly. 

"Harold you don't want to say the wrong things so soon why not think on it another day then go?" Liam suggested. 

"Liam I'm sure how I feel, please take me." Harry said drying the tears from his face.  

He handed Liam the keys to his car and they left. The ride was quiet and Harry's nerves were ticking. He stared out the window holding the journals like they were precious jewels that needed all the protection in the world.   
They pulled off to the side in front of the frat house. Louis' car was out front so he was here hopefully. Something caught Harry's eyes in one of the windows upstairs. He looked up there he was. Louis was in the window looking at the car.  Harry opened the door slowly getting out. 

"You can go Li, don't wait for me. I'm sure he'll give me a ride back." Harry said shutting the door. 

When he reached the door it came open and he was met with Louis. 

"Hello." Louis said unsure what else to say. 

He moved aside so Harry could come in. 

"Can we go to your room? Where it's more private?" Harry questioned seeing a few boys scattered about sleeping around. 

"We can go some where nice and quiet." Louis offered. 

Harry nodded quietly. Louis ran upstairs leaving Harry alone.  Appearing moments later changed into some skinny jeans.  

"Okay." Louis led Harry to his car. 

They drove to an old building away from everything.  It wasn't exactly nice but it was. It reminded Harry of one of those lofts you see in the city some where. Neither of them spoke a word on the way there or inside.

"I read the journal Louis." Harry said looking out the window. 

"I suppose you came here to tell me about it then?" 

Harry swallowed. 

"Yeah partly. I wrote responses down in my own little journal so you could read them-" 

"I don't want to read words from you," Louis interrupted "I want to hear them." 

"I wanted to hear many of the things you wrote in here, but I kept myself to my word. I read every page even though most of them killed me." Harry's voice shook. 

He turned looking at Louis. 

"All of them made me realize one thing." 

"What?" 

"I love you too." Harry cryed, Louis practically leaped into his arms. 

They held each other tightly in the hug for what seemed like hours. 

"I have this strong urge to kiss you." Louis giggled like a schoolgirl. 

"I want you to." Harry pulled him into his lips. 

Each of them melted into the kiss. As it got more deep they fisted one anothers hair. They broke the kiss gasping for air resting their foreheads against each other. 

"You don't know how long I've been itching to kiss you like that princess." Louis smiled. 

"That was our first real kiss you know? Not just one of those that say I like you." Harry said. 

Louis nodded. 

"Here." Harry handed him the journals. 

"One of those won't make sense being I already told you I love you in person." Harry said with a giggle. 

"Okay." he laughed. 

"You know I don't think I need to read your responses," Louis said looking at the journal "all I needed was to know you'd love me even after reading this. I don't need any reason other than the fact you love me simply." 

Harry gave him a smile. He looked at the place Louis had brought him to. There was a nice cot over in the corner. 

"Is that yours?" Harry pointed to the cot in the corner. 

"Yeah I come here a lot when I get fed up with the frat." Louis said getting closer to Harry again. 

"Why did you even become a part of that frat its horrible?" Harry questioned. 

"At the time I wasn't in my right mind and made bad choices." 

Harry shook his head biting his lip. 

"You ready to go?" Louis questioned. 

"No." Harry said softly. 

They both stood there awkwardly. Harry's foot was killing him from standing on it so long. What he really wanted was for Louis to come over and push him against the wall and make love to him like in the movies. He really wanted that more than ever. In fact they both did. Louis bit his lip as Harry stared at him with a look in his eyes. Louis crossed the small space between them his lips crashed into Harry's yet again. Louis broke from his lips and trailed down his neck. 

"Louis.." Harry breathed. 

Louis slowly unbuttoned Harry's shirt, letting it fall off his shoulders. Harry had been waiting for this for a long time. Louis was his first and he didn't feel wrong for letting him have it either. They landed on the cot which surprisingly didn't stink like anything. Both of them were now naked and Louis was being gentle because of Harrys foot. Louis admired Harry's body. The way the moon seemed to shine perfectly off his inked skin. He was beautiful. 

"Are you sure?" Louis asked. 

Harry nodded. The feeling was foreign and hurt like hell as Louis slid into him. He looked at Harry for approval so he could move and Harry again nodded. Both of them were caught up in each other, saying I love you so much back and forth. Louis and Harry both tensed and Louis comed and not long after Harry did too. Harry layed there in heaven sure this was his first time but it wasn't for Louis. Who was already sliding back on his boxers. 

"You'll be sore for like a day or two. You won't be able to move for a little bit so let's get your boxers and brace back on." Louis said grabbing both. 

He helped Harry get both back on and they settled under the thin covers. It was a little chilly in the old building and Harry wasn't too fond about it. 

"Louis?" Harry said against his bare chest. 

"Yeah?" 

"Promise you won't take this for granted? That you won't-" 

Louis shushed him by putting his finger over his lips. 

"Harry, you're just anyone to me. If you were I'd of left you there. I've been battling my demons for you lately. I've realized you're an angel in my hell." he kissed the top of the boys head and held it there a minute before breaking it. 

Harry knew Louis meant what he said. The boy who used to bully him cause he was jealous wasn't there anymore this was someone new. Harry loved that Louis was fighting the demons inside him. 

"Thank you." Harry said. 

"For what?" 

"Changing, getting better for me. That seems selfish but I'm grateful for that Louis. You changed even from your horrible past. It takes a lot of strength to do that." Harry looked up at him. 

Louis had glossy eyes and was staring at the boy with a beautiful smile. 

"You've become my everything in a matter of minutes." Louis said softly. 

Harry hugged him tighter. He flashed back to the time in the car when he broke down so afraid Louis was going to look at him as Frankenstein and tell him to get out after he showed him the scar. In that moment was when Louis became Harry's world. The wall that he thought no one could penetrate not even a atomic bomb could falter, came crashing down. 

Louis checked the time on his phone. It read 11:58pm. Shit. 

"We should get going. Can you move?" Louis asked. 

It had been at least two hours since. So it should be okay. 

"Yeah I think I'm good." Harry said. 

He stood slowly with the help of Louis he got on his pants and brace again. It was now 12:10am. Louis took Harry's hand as they walked out to his car. 

"Did you think this was going to happen?" Louis asked once they got on the main road.

"If I'm honest no, but I wouldn't have changed it for anything." Harry said smiling at Liam. 

"I didn't either I really thought you were going to leave me. As soon as you got to the last few." Louis admitted. 

"How could I leave you if I was never with you?" Harry said truthfully. 

Louis shrugged.

"We aren't together now but look at us." Louis pointed out. 

Harry gave him a half smile. If Louis wanted them together as boyfriends he'd have to be the one to ask. 

The rest of the ride consisted of banter back and forth. One joking about the others hair or clothes or something else stupid. 

"One more thing though," Louis said as he pulled into the park of the dorms at the uni "how did you hurt your hurt? Something must of had you distracted you are an excellent dancer so." 

"You." Harry said simply. 

"Me?" 

"Yes, you were on my mind and I was thinking how horrible it must have been for you and bam I landed wrong on my foot." Harry answered honestly. 

"Oh," Louis looked down "I'm sorry, you should get going."

Harry leaned over and kissed the boys cheek. 

"Don't go doing that now, it was my fault that I thought about you so deeply." Harry said still leaned over. 

"I love you." Louis said before kissing his lips. 

"I love you." Harry smiled before getting out. 

He wobbled to his dorm room and he walked in. He went to sleep in his clothes. Liam was awake but he wasn't going to bother with the questions. They were going to wait until in the morning. 

Louis went to bed and for the first time he was able to go right to sleep without any trouble. 

 

Authors note: 

So I've been coming up with playlists like songs to go with the story. I've only really found one and that's Unsteady by X Ambassadors. If you know any that fit feel free to comment or DM them and I'll add them to the end of the chapters. 

Also pleassee keep reading and telling me your thoughts. I love to hear your thoughts. So here's one, what do you think of Liam and how he's being towards Harry and Louis? 

Its my dream to have like 1K reads so make it come true? 

Lots of new things to come as well!


	9. Will You?

"Li I need you to take me to the doctors today I get this bloody thing removed today." Harry motioned to the boot cast on his foot.  

"Can't you get your precious Louis to do it?" Liam said sounding in no way happy. 

Harry could sense that Liam was irritated? Mad even but about what? 

"I can't ask him to do that, he's not my boyfriend yet and plus I have an appointment to check up on unique part of me." Harry explained. 

His unique part of him, that's what Harry called his illness. He didn't want to even think of it as a illness, just that it was a part of him and it thought it unique. 

"So what?" Liam snapped "he wasn't your boyfriend last night but you bloody let him fuck you!" Liam stood now showing every ounce of his annoyance.  

"Excuse me?!" Harry stood crossing the dorm to him. 

"You bloody heard me Harry! I thought you were better then that? You obviously aren't, you let him fuck you so you don't have to say you love him? He's got you so whipped, you're blind!" Liam hissed. 

Harry felt the tears stream down his cheeks. He couldn't believe Liam right now. He felt sick to his stomach. 

"YOU ASSHOLE I DID TELL HIM I LOVE HIM! I TOLD HIM BEFORE WE EVEN FUCKED! I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND AND WOULD BE HAPPY FOR ME! I'M SO DISGUSTED AND HURT. I CAN NOT BELIEVE YOU-" Harry broke down in tears.  

He walked to his closet pulling out his zebra printed duffle bag. He pulled his clothes off the racks throwing them in the bag he grabbed everything and threw it in the bag. Once it was all packed he zipped it and threw it over his shoulder. 

"Harry wait I'm-" Liam stepped in front of him as he got to the door. 

"Screw you." Harry cried picking his book bag up putting it over his shoulder. 

"Harry I'm-" Liams voice shook as he started crying. 

"Leave me alone Liam and move out of my way." Harry cried as he opened the door when Liam moved. 

He wasn't going to stay with Louis he was going to stay in a hotel. One he could afford with the little money he had. He got his car and drove to the doctors first he was late already. He quickly fixed his face. His eyes were red but if anyone asked he'd tell them it's allergies just to avoid crying again. He had to force himself to stop crying. Liam would not stop calling. He turned his phone on silent as he walked in the doctor checking himself in. 

He got his boot off and was all clear to go back to ballet. 

~ 

Harry always came to the special doctor with Liam. Everytime he worried something might be wrong. The doctor warned him when he first found out about the unique part of him. 

"Harry Styles." a nurse called from the door. 

He stood following the small woman back. She was rather old she had grey hair but she wasn't really old. She was about 60 years old. She was sweet as she asked Harry the usual questions. 

"Any pain?" the nurse smiled. 

"Well I just started feeling this really dull pain about a week ago, right about here." Harry pointed to the middle of his stomach. 

To which the nurse carefully noted. 

"Any unusal changes?" 

"Well," Harry gulped "I've been eating a lot more than usual and I get these awful tastings for things I don't really like and if I don't eat them I throw up. My stomach kinda feels like somethings just stuck in there, I don't know." 

Harry clasped his hands together squeezing them tightly together to where you could see the white of his knuckles. The nurse finished up the questions, that nurse has had Harry the last couple of times Harry was in. He felt close to her because she would sometimes stay and talk to him and Liam about anything. Martha was a sweet woman.  

"Martha?" Harry said as she reached for the door knob. 

"Yes dear?" Martha looked at him. 

"Can you stay with me until he comes in? I'm a bit more nervous than usual and as you see Li-" he started but stopped not wanting to speak of it "well he isn't here with me today." he cast his eyes down to the floor. 

"I'm sorry not today sweet, I have other patients to see for Dr. Fraiser." she said. 

Harry nodded and she left. He was alone. That's how it really felt now. It felt like he just lost his best friend.  He didn't want to think of it like that but he did. This was the first bad fight between him and Liam.  Both of them were in each others faces fists clinched at their sides.  

He lifted his shirt studying his stomach, it seemed to be a little bulged at the bottom. Oh god... Harry thought.  

The doctor walked in just as Harry started to run his index finger over the bulge. He quickly put his shirt down clasping his hands again. 

"Hello Harry, how are you doing today?" he asked. 

His doctor was old too he had white hair just like Martha but luckily age hadn't caught him yet.  His face had no wrinkles and he too was about the same age as her. 

"I'm okay, I guess." Harry admitted truthfully. 

"Well let's have a look then." Dr. Fraiser patted the exam table and Harry got on it. 

Harry knew the drill. He unzipped his pants and pulled down his boxers and pulled up his shirt. 

It was awkward being touched there but it was necessary.

"Everything looks good except you show signs of pregnancy," Dr. Fraiser crossed his arms, he poked his head out the door "I need a scan room open pronto." 

"W-what?" Harry was dumbfounded.  

"I said you show-" 

"Yeah I heard you." Harry felt tears form in his eyes. 

"Come along now." the doctor opened the door and Harry followed him in the room. 

Once inside the room he was told to lay down on the bed and to only raise his shirt this time.

"In the report it said you have had sickness? When have you experienced this?"  Dr. Fraiser questioned squirting a cool gel onto his stomach. 

"I-in the morning and when I don't eat what I have a strange tasting for." Harry said as the tears began to fall. 

The doctor nodded moving the piece around on his stomach. 

￼

 

"There," the doctor pointed to the small pea sized thing on the screen, "Harry you are pregnant."

"Oh my god." Harry gasped the tears fell harder. 

"Congratulations, would you like a picture?" 

Harry nodded frantically.

"The baby is pea sized so that means you've been pregnant for about 4 weeks. Sometimes it's common to not feel nausea until a little bit into the pregnancy. How long has it been since you have had sex?" Dr. Fraiser handed him a picture. 

"Th-three weeks." Harry said looking at the scan. 

It had been three weeks since and he and Louis had been seeing each other everyday. So it added up, however he was shocked, and scared. Imagine if his mum found out. 

"Right then, you should be due around April 18 of next year then. You'll come back the 18th of next month for your one month check up then you and your partner can hear the heart beat and have a tape." He explained. 

"Okay."

"I'll make you the appointment see you then Harry." 

He nodded and left. He was going to have to tell Louis. He was afraid of what Louis would do how he would react. He didn't want to lose Louis too. He pulled into a hotel.  The outside looked decent and Harry hoped the inside was just as decent as the outside. He walked in with his belongings. 

"How may I help you?" the deskwoman asked. 

"I'd like a room please." Harry answered. 

"How long will you be staying?" 

"How much does 3 nights cost?" 

"£120.80." 

"Alright that's all I have." Harry tossed the last of his money on the desk. 

"Have a nice stay.  That includes the meals served in the dining room. Here's your key." the man looked at Harry up and down. 

Harry noticed and jerked the key away from him. 

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't look at me like that,  I'm taken." Harry lied turning on his heel to leave. 

"Sorry princess." the man called from behind.  

"Do not bloody call me that! The only one that's allowed to call me that isn't you so kindly shut the fuck up." Harry snapped. 

Dr. Fraiser was the doctor through it all. Harry didn't think about how this might be a threat to the baby if his mum found out which being that Harry forgot to tell Dr. Fraiser to not she surely know now. The last thing he needed was his mum screwing things up again. His family was the one that bought him the car he has now, but one thing his family didn't get for him was college. Harry worked for it. Saved up enough for the first semester, told them, then it all went downhill from there. 

"Don't you worry little one, mummy isn't going to let anything happen to you I promise." Harry rubbed the bump gently as he layed on the bed of the hotel room, wishing the baby could hear him but it couldn't. Not yet at least. 

Louis had been messaging for a good two hours now and hasn't responded once.  It wasn't because he was mad Louis got him pregnant. He was afraid but he needed to tell him now. His hands shook as he pressed call for Louis. 

*Ring ring* 

"Hi princess?" Louis answered. 

"Hello Lewis." Harry smiled nervously tears in his eyes yet again. 

"Why haven't you answered me? Are you okay? Liam told me you left when I came by to visit two hours ago." Louis had a hint of worry. 

"....." Harry cried hard into the reciever holding a hand over his mouth. 

"Harry?" Louis said softly. 

"Louis I need to see you, there's a reason I've been quiet for the past two hours." Harry choked. 

"Harry where are you? I'm walking out the door now." 

Harry gave him the hotel address. They exchanged I love you's and hung up. He raised his knees to his chest crying into his lap. 

It was bad for the baby to cry and get stressed according to a small packet Martha gave him on the way out with a kiss on the cheek. He fell asleep for a hour holding his stomach until a knock woke him.  

"Who is it?" Harry in his raspy sleep voice. 

"It's Louis." Louis sounded frantic. 

Harry checked the peephole and opened the door letting him in. 

Louis kissed his lips over and over and held his face in his hands. 

"What's wrong?" he led him to the bed. 

"I'm-" damn it Harry come on "I'm pregnant Louis." 

He looked at him with glazed eyes. 

"You, your what?" Louis looked at his stomach. 

"I'm pregnant Louis." Harry repeated. 

"Holy fucking shit." Louis breathed there was no emotion in his face.  

"Louis don't leave me please." Harry begged thinking the worst. 

Louis pulled him into a hug quietly not saying a word. 

"I promised to never leave you. I just- how long have you known?" Louis questioned holding the boy tightly. 

"About 3 hours now." Harry grabbed the scan showing it to Louis. 

"Is that it?" Louis pointed to the dot Harry rested his head on his shoulder nodding. 

"When is he/she due?" 

"18th of April next year." Harry said. 

"Now on to why in the hell you are here?" Louis said. 

"Liam yelled at me for having sex with you. He doesn't know I'm pregnant and I'd like to keep it that way or I'll hear more of it." 

"Don't stay here I don't want you alone in some where like this." he motioned around. 

"I've already payed it. I just have to get a job and-" Harry started. 

"Oh no your not working for anything, I've got a job well enough to put us in a good place for the baby and us," he put his hand on his stomach "come on then let's go start hunting." 

He opened his hand and Harry took it. Louis grabbed his stuff and led him out the room. He gave the key back to the deskman. Harry had his head rested on Louis' shoulder as they walked. 

"Awe isn't that sweet. Your boyfriend is hot." the deskman looked at Louis. 

"He's not my boyfriend-" Harry said.

"And you need to watch your mouth buddy. I'd like the money back please he hasn't used anything in the room so he gets full refund I don't want to hear it just give." Louis said ending it. 

"Here." he handed him Harry's money and they both left on that note. 

"Louis what about my car?" Harry said as they headed to Louis' car. 

"We'll come back and get it." he gave him a smile. 

~ 

Finding an apartment wasn't easy they needed a two bedroom one in Louis' budget of 1,800 a month at most. They found one each of them fell in love with it. It was nice and had a dated brick wall in the kitchen where the bar was. The bedrooms were perfect one big and one small one. The bathroom was medium sized. They were happy with the find. It came with furniture, and wasn't too far from the university. 

"We need to go shopping and get my car." Harry said as they explored once the man who showed them the place left. 

Louis nodded.  

"I'll pay for the groceries." Harry said. 

Louis shook his head.  

"Louis you can by the plates and what not cause we don't have them. It be easier for us on the money, 120.80 is what I have and that's all we need for a months grocery. So please Louis don't play man of the house like that."   
He sighed heavily. 

"Okay. Lets get a cab there to the hotel then from there we will go to the market for everything else." he smiled. 

Outside he held Harry close cause it was a little chilly. 

"Lou are you excited about the baby?" Harry said not looking at him. 

"I am but I'm also pretty damn nervous too." he said waving a taxi down. 

They got in. 

"Me too but I'm also scared." Harry admitted after Louis gave the address of the hotel. 

"Why are you scared?" 

"My mum knows I'm sure my doctor has told her by now because she set me up with him and I never changed," Harry explained "I'm afraid she's going to try and get it removed."

"Harry she won't touch you or the baby as long as I'm here. No one or no thing will touch you or our baby." Louis kissed the top of his head. 

A few minutes later they get out at the hotel. Inside the car Louis rested his hand on Harry's small bump. 

*Beep *

Harry checked his phone. It was a message from his mother. He opened it.  

Mum: 

Harry Edward Styles! You are pregnant and I'd like to see you for dinner on Tuesday.  

To Mum:

Mum I don't feel that's necessary.... and I'm not letting you take this from me! I left for a reason and I'm not coming back for the same. 

Mum: 

Dress nicely a suit will be nice. We are having a little dinner party so it's not just you. People want to see you.

To Mum: 

I know what's going to happen if I come and if I do I'm bringing someone. You didn't like me then and you never will. So why should I bother?

*incoming call mum* 

Harry ignored it. 

*incoming call mum* 

Harry ignored it again. 

*incoming call mum* 

Harry answered. 

"What do you want?" Harry snapped annoyed.  

"To see you." his mum said simply.  

Louis pulled into the market car park and parked. Giving Harry a questioning look. 

"Why just cause I'm pregnant? Yeah mum that's great it's been a year since we talked and all a sudden you want to see me? You're absolutely crazy."

"I just want to see if it's true." 

"It's true mum it's bloody true and you are so wrong. You told me to leave mum and not come back until I've dropped ballet? Yeah you remember, well guess what! I haven't given up ballet and I won't either!" Harry snapped into the reciever. 

Louis grabbed the phone from him, putting it to his ear. 

"Well I'm the fellow who got him pregnant. I'm Louis by the way and if that's all you wanted for him to come by for then there you have it. I'm also the fellow he told what you tryed to do to him when he was young and don't think for a second you can come waltzing back into his life and ruin it again. He's spent a year off by himself and done just fine. He's not seeing you and that's that he's told you. Now leave him the hell alone..please and thank you." Louis said giving all the sass he had. 

"That's none of your business boy!" Anne snapped into the reciever. 

"Well neither is him being pregnant! You don't control him anymore. The baby is mine and his and I mean no threat by this but if you so much as try anything to harm him or the baby I will be sure to report you to the police." 

"My name is Anne I'm his mother and someone like you doesn't seem to be the right one for my son. Quite honestly your mouth is what gave that away.  Any boy with decency would have just kindly hung up. You are not fit for my son." Anne said authoritatively. 

"Well any mother with the decency wouldn't have kicked out her son for doing what he loves because she thinks it's disgusting. She would have been happy for him and proud and told him to go on." Louis said. 

He looked over seeing Harry was crying and when he saw that he hung up the phone. 

"Come on." he said softly. 

He rounded the car and opened the door for him. 

"Ignore her okay? She's not prying her way back in your life." Louis said when he saw Harry checking his phone as they walked in. 

Louis grabbed a basket and pushed it.   
Harry gave him smile. 

Harry missed his mum if he was honest but going to the dinner party wasn't a good idea and he knew that. He wanted to go but he was denying it. He wanted to go mainly to see his sister. He knew that no matter what Gemma wouldn't hate on him. She didn't say anything and hasn't because Anne told her not to. He missed Gemma more than his mum. 

"Louis." Harry piped up as they picked out plates and what not. 

"Yeah?" he answered putting a box of plates into the basket with the food. 

"I want to go for my sister." Harry said.  

"Harry." 

"Louis trust me please I can't do it without you. Plus you can't tell me not to go cause I'm not yours yet." 

"You are mine Harry. You have my baby in you." Louis said.

Harry put a hand on his stomach.

"Yes Louis that's true but that doesn't make me yours. You haven't asked me to be yours." 

"Okay then will you be my boyfriend?" Louis asked. 

"No." Harry said. 

"What? Why?" 

"Because you asked me wrongly, you asked me so I would be yours for a reason."

Louis shook his head. They paid and  went home. 

"Harry I don't want you just to call you mine, I don't want you cause you have our baby growing inside you. I don't want you because your family. I want you because I love you more than I ever thought possible, I want you because you make me happy and I don't want to kill myself everyday. I want you because you make me feel like someone. I fucking love you and you're my world and our baby is my universe. Please be my boyfriend. I promise to be the person you need." Louis said as they brought all the groceries. 

Harry took one of Louis' hands placing it his stomach and looked at him. 

"I love you Louis more than anything and our baby too you both are my everything now. Yes I will be your boyfriend." Harry smiled. 

Louis kissed him deeply. They put away groceries and spent the rest of the night shutting out everything.  They found suits for tomorrow that they would have to change into there cause the drive was too long to wear a suit comfortably. 

Each of them stripped to their boxers and went to bed. This time Louis didn't hold Harry his usual way he held the baby and Harry he rested his head on Harry's stomach his arms wrapped tightly around him and fell asleep. 

Authors note: 

Wow! Lots of big things happened! Loooonng chapter too! Again I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions about everything! 

Hope you loved it!


	10. Nothing Like Starting Over

"Hey princess it's time to get going it's a three hour drive." Louis whispered into Harry's ear waking him. 

"Five more minutes please." Harry whined. 

"No babe come on. You need shower and get beautiful. So we can go." Louis kissed all over his face planting a quick one on the bump of his stomach.  

Harry yawned throwing the duvet off of him.  He walked into the bathroom dropping his boxers as he turned on the water. He jumped when Louis snuck in quietly wrapping his arms around him. He was naked too. 

"We can't have sex you know?" Harry said. 

"Well shit but we can still shower together though." he smiled. 

They stepped into the shower. 

Louis took in Harry. He was beautiful the way the water cascaded down his body. Louis grabbed Harry's fruity soap and washed his body going in gentle circles on his stomach.  

"You are so perfect to me." Louis cooed. 

They both washed each other in turn. They both put on baggy clothes and packed a few extra cause there was no way they were driving back the same night. They'd have to get a hotel. 

"Lou who's car are we taking?" 

"Yours it be more comfortable." he picked up the bag of their clothes and the suits. 

"I'm pregnant Louis not useless let me carry something." 

"Okay look in our closet and get the bag from the shelf." Louis bit his lip.  

Harry grabbed the bag and opened it when Louis nodded. He pulled out a pink bodywrap. 

"I've been forgetting to give that to you. It's my I'm sorry for ripping your wrap gift." Louis smiled. 

Harry walked kissing him. 

"I love it thank you babe." he smiled.  

He put it back in closet and followed Louis out. He turned around locking the door and twisting the knob hard making sure it was locked and it was. He was nervous yet again. 

"Wait," Harry said stopping bending over throwing up "damn morning sickness." 

"You alright?" Louis asked as he unlocked the back.  

"Yeah I'm good." he smiled. 

They got in and for some reason not but thirty minutes into the ride Harry fell asleep. 

"Hey princess wake up." Louis shook him gently. 

"How did I fall asleep?" 

"I don't know but we are at the hotel." he knodded towards the hotel. 

"Must be the baby." Harry said. 

It was 5 o'clock on the dot. They would have to be quick changing. They quickly changed into their suits and they were ready. 

￼

 

They arrived behind a few cars there's a lot of people here. 

"Holy shit your parents live here?" Louis asked in awe of the giant house. 

￼

"Yeah." 

They got out and Harry immediately grabbed Louis hand. The car was parked by one of the servants. Harry didn't let go as he walked in. He was nervous as hell and cursed himself for coming. 

"Calm down don't stress the baby," Louis said kissing his cheek "I'm right here and won't leave your side." 

Harry nodded. He looked around the room awkwardly. He was really looking for Gemma. He caught sight her in the front room, she was sat alone and she looked rather down. 

"Come on." Harry pulled Louis through the crowd.

He swallowed and breathed out when he reached Gemma. He didn't let go of Louis' hand if he did he wouldn't of been able to talk. 

"H-hey Gem." Harry said.

Gemma looked up and stood. 

"Harry, I can't believe you came. I was just thinking about you. God how I've missed you baby brother." she pulled him into a hug causing him to let go of Louis' hand. 

"I really only came for you." Harry admitted breaking the hug and taking Louis' hand again. 

"Sit down you two." she smiled.

"Gemma this is my boyfriend Louis,  Louis this is dear sister Gemma." Harry smiled. 

Gemma extended her hand and Louis shook it with his free hand. Then they sat. 

"So uh your pregnant?" Gemma smiled. 

"I am." Harry was relieved to know Gemma wasn't angry about it. 

"Yes! I'm going to be an aunt!" Gemma squealed lowly. 

Harry and Louis giggled and Harry rested his head on his shoulder causing Louis to wrap and arm around his waist to put his hand on Harry's tummy.  

"I sure hope mum doesn't find us." Harry says looking around at the people. 

"Nah I don't think she will she's too occupied with everyone else to care about her bloody children obviously."   
"She has a lot of audacity that's for sure." Louis said. 

"I don't want to say I hate her but sometimes it really feels like it." Gemma had tears in her eyes. 

"Don't cry Gem." Harry said. 

"We can all go have our own party some where. You two can show me places you used to go and all." Louis suggested.  

"Yeah! Let's do it!" Gemma said enthused. 

"Really?" Harry said. 

"Yeah come on we'll take my car." Gemma said. 

They all left just as easily as they came in. Each of them admitted they felt suffocated.  

Harry and Louis took off their blazers and untucked their shirts. Then buckled in and once again Louis put his hand on Harry's stomach. Harry rested his hand on top of Louis'. 

"Off we go." Harry said. 

"Right. Where we going first Harold?" Gemma peeped at them through the rearview mirror smiling.  

"Let's take him down my memory lane first." Harry smiled. 

"Okie dokie." Gemma chirped making a quick right. 

"Jesus take it easy would you? I got a unborn baby I'd like to meet!" Louis said sounding worried. 

"As long as I'm here nothing will happen to our baby." Harry whispered in his ear reminding him of what he said the day before.  

Louis kissed his head. 

"Right." he whispered back.  

"Oh! Gemma stop here they should be closing up now and I can get us some delicious bread I've been tasting for since I got pregnant." Harry grabbed Louis' hand pulling him out the car. 

"What's this place? " Louis asked. 

"It's the first place I worked," he smiled sniffing in the scent "W. Mandeville." 

Harry walked through the doors being met with confused faces. Of the many old faces of the women who used to spoil him. 

"Barbara darling!" Harry chirped letting go of Louis' hand. 

"Harry love!" Barbara rounded the counter and gave him a big hug. 

Louis watched how happy looked to be back at home and visiting his friends and old places.  He was worried more or less about his mum ruining everything for him. He didn't want that to happen he loved seeing Harry happy like this. 

"What brings you back? I've not seen you here in proper ages!" Barbara had her hand on Harry's waist. 

Louis watched her carefully. You could say he was overprotective but he couldn't help it. He finally had something to live for not just Harry but the baby, their baby, his baby. Of anything happened to it, it would destroy him. 

"A dinner party that I didn't really want to attend, I only really came back for Gem she's in the car. Oh silly me! Barbara this is my boyfriend Louis he's the father of our baby too," Harry said and Barbara squealed excitedly "Louis this is Barbara the mother I always wanted." 

Louis extended his hand and she shook it. 

"Pleased to meet you." Louis said with a smile. 

"Now I'm here for some of that delicious raisin and honey cinnamon swirl bread." Harry said. 

"Coming right up sweet." Barbara disappeared behind the counter. 

Louis wrapped his arm around Harry holding him close. 

"Your tastings are going to have me running to the shop for you for ages." Louis joked. 

"Possibly but it's the baby's fault. She or he is going to have me fat." Harry smiled.

"If your fat baby I'd still love you just the same." Louis kissed his cheek.

"I love you." Harry said softly. 

"I love you more." Louis said with a smile. 

"I love you most." 

Barbara came back with a pack of the bread. Harry took it and smelled it. 

"Ah smells so good. What's the damage?" Harry asked for the price.  

"Have I ever charged you for anything here?" Barbara said her hands on her hips. 

"No." 

"Right then take it and go don't keep that beautiful sister of yours waiting," Barbara grabbed Louis' arm "and you take good care of him!" 

He looked at her and then Harry and smiled softly. 

"I will love don't you worry." Louis kissed her cheek and they left. 

They spent a good few hours visiting and telling Louis what happened there and what it meant to them. It was nice. Louis felt like he was part of them.  

"It's half past 12 in the morning they are in bed and if they are up their drunk out of their asses, so get your car and go. If you don't want her catching you especially when she's drunk." Gemma pulled in the drive.  

"Gem have you talked to dad at all?" Harry asked once they stopped. 

"How about we meet for breakfast at the little cafe tomorrow then we will talk. Yeah?" 

"Okay." Harry said and they got out. 

Louis drove back to the hotel and got a close spot. Harry was greatful he was fighting his sleep and couldn't be bothered to walk a distance. Harry stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed and Louis followed suit.  Getting in the new position where he could hold both. 

"Good n-" Louis stopped noticing Harry was already passed out. 

*beep* 

From Liam: 

Louis how is he? I feel like hell for doing that to him. :( :'( 

To Liam: 

He's good but don't go trying to upset him more okay! 

From Liam: 

Wasn't going to, he'll come back after a while I know. He always does. 

To Liam: 

Don't be so sure 

From Liam: 

Whatever 

To Liam: 

Yeah whatever is all he is to you yeah? Good night Liam.  

Louis shut off his phone and Harry's and went to sleep. He wasn't going to deal with Liams childish bullshit.  It seemed as though both Harry and Louis were fed up. 

~ 

The next morning they got ready and checked out. They met Gemma at the cafe. 

"So have you?" Harry asked again after ordering. 

"Yes, he said he'd like to talk to you. He misses you as well and is sorry. You know just like they all say." Gemma looked down. 

Harry rested his cold hand on Gemmas. They made a bad decision outside when it's mid October. 

"But what can you do?" Gemma smiled fakely. 

"You have my number Gem don't let mum stomp on you like she did and still does to me. You are way more. How about that writing you've always wanted to do? Apply for journalism career in London, I'm sure it pays well." Harry said. 

"I've always loved writing." Gemma sounded off. 

"Then go for it!" Louis exclaimed "if you can dream it you can do it." he smiled at her. 

Gemma smiled. 

"I can see why you love him." she looked at them. 

Harry smiled at the boy. Their food came and they ate. Harry made a list of good places to go for it at. He and Gemma hugged for five minutes.  

"Stay good, yeah?" Harry said letting go of Gemma.

She nodded with glazed eyes. 

"I love you Gem. Call me soon okay!" Harry said as they walked to the car. 

"Text me when your back in London baby brother." she yelled. 

~ 

The drive back seemed quick. Harry slept half the way back and stayed awake the rest of the way. They were so happy to be back. Harry found himself in the room that would be the nursery. 

He pictured where everything would be. He thought of the names he'd call the baby too many crossed his mind to narrow it down to one boy name and one girl name. 

"The changing table here with her or his name above it." he mumbled. 

"Babe who are you talking to?" Louis said from the door frame. 

"Myself I'm just thinking of where to put everything and thinking of names and what not." Harry smiled from the middle of the room. 

Louis walked to him placing a hand on his stomach.  

"We still have a bit before we have to start thinking of names but if I may say so I like the boy name Kaiser, and for a girl Adaline." 

Harry looked at his growing tummy then at Louis and smiled. 

"I like the boy name William yes it's your middle name but it sounds strong, and for someone who will do great things. For a girl maybe Hazel." 

"All the names are cute but we have plenty of time to decide." he kissed his nose and went out. 

"I can't wait to find out what it is." Harry said as Louis started dinner. 

The smell made Harry feel nauseous.  

"Hey now that's my favorite you will like it little one." Harry said to his stomach.  

Louis giggled. 

"I can't wait to find out who we have in there." Louis looked at Harrys stomach. 

"What do you want it to be?" 

"Honestly it doesn't matter as long as he or she is healthy and beautiful like you I'll be happy." he smiled. 

"Well I can't play favorites but if I had to I want a girl. So I can put her in cute little bows and dresses and oh how cute it would be." Harry exclaimed. 

Louis gave him a smile. 

"I'd love a boy," Louis admitted "so I can teach him skateboard and how to play footie and how to get the boys or girls." 

Harry smiled so hard his cheeks hurt. He was so happy. He started to cry and cursed the hormones for making him so damned emotional. 

"What you crying for?" Louis said putting dinner on plates. 

"Cause I'm really happy. That you changed and I have your baby in me. Thinking of you with our daughter or son makes me happy." Harry cried. 

Louis smiled listening to the boy in awe. 

"And how you changed for me and how you didn't leave when I told you and you immediately got us a place and how you told my mum off for ruining things and..." 

Harry was cut off by Louis kissing him. He melted into his lips he could taste Louis' salty tears with his as their lips moved in sync. He found it strange how their lips seemed to be missing pieces how they fit and moved so perfectly together. 

"I love you!" Harry said. 

"I love you most." Louis breathed. 

They sat at the bar and ate their dinner rambling on about names and how if it came to it they could combine them as first and middle names. Harry wanted to tell Liam but he didn't want Liam messing things up by maybe beating Louis up for knocking him up only to turn to Harry and yell at him like he's boss. 

Harry wasn't going to have that his mark of one month was next week which meant he gets to the precious baby inside him but not alone this time, with Louis and he was excited they both were. 

Louis was excited too and he said he wanted a lot of pictures and a long video. He wanted the baby here more than ever. 

The baby became happiness for him and Harry both. They had their own little perfect world inside Harry. 


	11. Big News

Today was the day. The one month scan to check on their little bean. Harry's stomach was now noticeable and he loved how small and cute it was. He smiled at Louis who was scribbling in his journal. Harry sat up carefully resting his head on Louis' shoulder.

"Morning sleeping beauty, sleep well?" Louis asked knowing Harry was tossing about through the night.

"No, I couldn't get comfortable even when you layed on me this baby just wouldn't have it last night." Harry whined holding his stomach. 

Louis put the pen in his journal marking the place. Then bent down to Harry's stomach.

"You need to let mummy sleep daddy doesn't want mummy cranky." he kissed his belly gently.

"We gotta get ready the appointment is in a hour." Harry said smiling.

"Let's get this show on the road then." Louis said hopping out of bed walking to the bathroom.

Harry could hear the water turning on. He got dressed, he put on some sweatpants and a baggy shirt, because those were the only things that seemed comfortable to him at the moment. He went to the kitchen grabbing himself a large glass of water so they could see the baby good. That's what he had to do drink a big thing of water. He couldn't wait.

Louis was more excited than Harry, he was over the moon about it all. He couldn't stop smiling he scooped up the keys.

"Ready?" he chirped as he walked the kitchen. 

"Of course." Harry smiled.

This time they decided to take Louis' car. They arrived a few minutes early and naturally Harry's nerves went crazy again. He bounced his leg up and down.

"Don't be so nervous." Louis said putting his hand on Harry's knee.

"I can't help it, it's just everytime I come in here I think the worst thing could happen because that's what the doctor told me. The first time I learned about the unique part of me." Harry said lowly.

"Hope for the best baby." Louis assured him.

"Harry Styles?" Martha called from the door.

They stood and Louis grabbed Harry's hand giving it a squeeze. They followed her straight to a scan room. Harry climbed on the bed and layed down. Louis didn't let go of his hand.

"Can't wait to see the baby." Louis almost squealed.

"Me either." Harry smiled. 

Dr. Fraiser walked in squirting some disinfectant on his hands rubbing them together.

"Right let's have a look." he said flipping on the machine.

Harry rolled his shirt up and Dr. Fraiser squirted the gel onto his stomach. He moved the piece around finding the heartbeat.

"Their's your baby," Dr. Fraiser said pointing it out "do you have a tape or disk?"

Fraiser said pointing it out "do you have a tape or disk?"   
Louis nodded handing him a disk. Dr. Fraiser put it on hitting the button to record.

Harry looked at the baby tears in his eyes. You're so perfect. Harry mouthed at the screen.

"Um doctor," Louis chimed with glazed eyes "can you not send the information to his mother?"

"As long as Harry here says no I can't send anything." Dr. Fraiser said pulling the disk out.

"No I don't want you to send anymore information about our baby to her okay?" Harry said "in fact take her name off the consent form, from now on I give myself, and my boyfriend Louis here permission to get information."

"Very well then." Dr. Fraiser said.

"Thank you."

"Everything looks good, I'll see you at your 3 month mark." Dr. Fraiser said.

"Is there anyway we could find out the sex of the baby when we come back then?"

"If I can tell by then of course you can know but if I can't then no." Dr. Fraiser answered honestly. 

Louis was in awe staring at the baby moving on the screen. He had tears in his eyes. 

"Right well you two love birds have a great day." Dr. Fraiser said removing the piece from his stomach making the picture disappear, he didn't sound too serious with tone of wishing them a good day.

Harry looked at Louis who blinked a few times and snapped back into reality. Harry wiped the gel off with a napkin. He grabbed the pictures from the doctor and left. He really should change doctors. He didn't really trust Dr. Fraiser anymore.

"Martha, do you know of any good doctors?" Harry asked on the way out.   
"Dr. Jud." Martha wrote the name of the office down with the number on a piece of paper. 

"Thank you love and cancel all my things with him and get them transferred to that office over there please." Harry said politely. 

"Is there something wrong?" Martha asked low so no one could hear except Louis and him.

"Yeah there's a lot wrong I'd be lying if I said there wasn't. So please just do it." Harry gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left.

"Harry babe stop." Louis knew Harry was crying.

A crack of thunder made them both jump, then it started to rain hard.

"Babe let's get in the car." Louis said.

"I'm tired of her snaking her way into everything." Harry cryed as they got in the car.

"I know," Louis paused "I know."

"I can't trust my own damn doctor, because my mother has got into his head too," Harry cryed harder "just for once," Louis pulled Harry into the middle hugging him "just for once I'd like my mum to treat me the same as Gemma, the way she did before they found the unique thing about me, the way she did before I started ballet, the way....." Harry cryed harder.

"I know baby I know please don't cry." Louis caressed his cheek.

"I just want my mum Louis I want her back." Harry cryed.

This made Louis cry. He knew the pain of wanting someone their and not having them. He knew what it was like to lose someone because you did something they didn't like, but what he didn't know was how to act like he wasn't bothered by what his own family thought of his unique part. 

"Harry look at me." Louis said.

Harry looked at him with glazed eyes.   
"I think you're damn beautiful! In fact I think you're perfect. I hate myself everyday for making you feel any less than that." Louis looked at the windshield as the rain kept pounding down.

"I'm sorry." Harry said wiping his eyes. 

"Don't be." Louis gave him a smile.

They drove home in silence. Louis kept his hand on Harry's stomach like always and Harry stared at the picture of the baby. He smiled at the picture thinking hard about the baby and how happy it be.

"I have to work tonight Haz so I may be late morning getting home." Louis spoke as he parked.

"Okay."

Inside Louis watched the game of footie on the TV while Harry cleaned up the apartment a bit. He joined Louis on the couch after he got the second to last load of clothes in the wash.

A few hours later Harry was left alone. He hated being alone. Especially since he grew used to being with someone for last month. Liam kept texting him and for some reason he wanted to text him back.

To Liam:

Can we meet? 

Harry hit send and waited. It had been a month since he talked to Liam.   
From Liam:

Of course! Where and when?

Harry swallowed nervously.

To Liam:   
I'm starved so I'll meet you at the London Bistro

From Liam:   
Okay

Harry locked the apartment and texted Louis to tell him he was going out to meet Liam and he wouldn't be long. Louis replied back saying keep our angel safe and be careful. He arrived before Liam so he got them a table and waited. Ten minutes later Liam came. He spotted Harry and smiled and waved but Harry didn't acknowledge him.

"Harry you haven't replied to me at all and you, I heard you moved in with him why in bloody hell would you do that so soon?"

The waiter walked over and they gave their orders. Harry looked at the scan pictures underneath the table. 

"There you go again. Acting like your my owner or something and your not. Your my best friend you should be happy for me." Harry spoke.

"I am happy for you." Liam said not looking at him. 

"We'll see if that's true." Liam gave him a confused look and Harry put the scan pictures on the table.

Liams mouth fell open but nothing came out. Harry could tell he was trying not to say something possessive. 

"See Liam you don't give a shit! You're not happy for me. You would've jumped out of your seat and hugged me and said congratulations," Harry's eyes started to water "but no that's too much to ask isn't it. Damn I was stupid to think you actually cared at all."

"I just can't believe you got yourself pregnant it's-"

"Liam shut the hell up! If you can't be happy and say something nice about my baby. Then I don't want to hear it! I'm through letting people walk over me!" Harry stood his food was now in a to go box.

He grabbed up the scan pictures.

"Now I would of loved to have you back as my best friend but you can forget that!" Harry stormed out.

Liam followed him out.

"I'm sorry Harry."

"You're sorry? All you've been doing lately is putting me down for trying to be happy and you just put me down again in there," Harry pointed "I need to go."

Harry got in his car Liam banged on his window begging him for forgiveness.

"Your ridiculous Liam, leave me alone." Harry said through the window.

"I can't be happy for you Harry I'm sorry! Not when you are pregnant with your bullies baby! I can't be happy for you! Its that simple so you either accept that or you might as well kiss this friendship good bye." Liam said with his arms crossed.

"That's not fair Liam it doesn't even make sense!" Harry said hitting the steering wheel "but it doesn't have to I'm happy and I don't care anymore."

Harry left Liam right there and sped off. It felt kind of good leaving him like that but it felt bad at the same time. It was unfair that Liam put him in a place like that.

When Harry got home he stripped and got in the shower. A nice shower is what he needed. Once he was out he dumped his uneaten dinner onto a plate and heated it up. He put in the disk of the baby and watched how it's movements were so subtle but its heartbeat was so loud and beat so fast. It fascinated him how such a little baby could have such a loud heart. He wished he could tell who it looked like but it was too early. He was hoping hard that by the next appointment they could tell the sex. He had scheduled an appointment for it on the way back from meeting Liam. 

After a few bites he felt sick and stopped eating.

"Let mummy eat." Harry said to his stomach.

He wrapped the dinner back up and put it back in the refridgerator. He layed back on the couch and continued watching the disk.

~

Louis jumbled with his keys as he unlocked the door. He stepped inside. He smiled when he noticed the TV was on the disk and Harry was asleep.   
Louis didn't want to wake him. So he went back in their room and also went to sleep. He was tired lucky he finished early and got back early morning instead of late. He didn't turn off the TV he just kept it on, he saw Harry was holding his stomach a small smile was on his lips.

A few hours later they both woke up. They greeted each other with a kiss on the lips and Louis kissed Harry's bump.

~

The whole week was a blur. Harry kept himself busy with educational classes cause he couldn't dance when he was three months pregnant but after the baby he promised he'd bring the little one with him to the studio. He and Louis cleared their schedules for today. The big day today was the day they might know what they were having.

"Alright are you two ready?" this doctor was way more nice than his old one. She was sweet and not old like the other late 30's. She asked so many nice questions, including are you two excited? To which Harry and Louis excitedly said yes.

Harry and Louis grabbed hands and closed their eyes as the doctor moved the piece around on his stomach. The heartbeat is what Louis and Harry concentrated on most. They brought another disk for this.

"Well this is luck! I can tell what you're having and you're having a boy!" the doctor said excitedly.

"Yes!" Louis jumped up

"Yes!" Louis jumped up.

Harry had tears in his eyes. Louis was over the moon and was also crying.

"Hello little William." Louis said with a happy smile. 

"William? Are you sure?" Harry questioned staring at the little baby on the screen.

"Yeah, as long as his middle name can be Kasier?" Louis smiled.

"I think we will work around it." Harry said with a smile.

"Congratulations you two, I'll see you back in two months." the doctor smiled.

"Okay."

With that the doctor walked out and they followed. Louis really was more than happy about the baby being a boy. Harry seemed to be excited as well. He was happy that Louis got the baby boy he wanted.

They left and headed straight to the baby shop. Louis picked out a small pair of black and white checkered vans. Harry picked out a cute little onesie. They looked at cots and a lot of other necessity's but only came out with the shoes and clothes.

When they arrived back they started dinner and debated on baby names. William was definitely the first name cause they both agreed strongly on it.

"I've got it!" Harry said excitedly as they ate dinner.

"Out with it." Louis said with a smile.

"Okay, William Grey Tomlinson." Harry said.

"I actually love that." Louis admitted.

"More than Kaiser?" Harry raised a brow.

"Yes." Louis giggled grabbing their now empty plates.

"Yes!" Harry excitedly pecked Louis lips. 

Louis shook his head as he watched Harry wash the dishes. He eyes went to Harry's stomach automatically. He never thought something like this would ever be possible. He never thought he'd fall in love with someone he thought he hated. He never thought he'd find someone as special as Harry. It was something totally different from what he pictured it.

He pictured himself well off his ass, still partying and drinking and getting with girls. He just pictured what he was going to be or what he thought. Even if in his pictured life he pictured himself with a woman having kids later on. If he ever decided to clean himself up. It was totally different now.

It wasn't what he imagined not in his life. It felt like it was always what he wanted though. He felt like it was okay like everything was meant to be this way. He didn't believe in that fate stuff. He just thought of it like whatever happens, happens.

This happened... Harry, little William, he changed faster than what he ever thought he could. In the blink of an eye he dropped everything for Harry and their son.

"Lou?" Harry snapped Louis out of his thoughts. 

"Hm yes?" Louis shook his head.

"Everything okay you kinda zoned out for a bit?"

"Yeah," Louis said hooking his arms around Harry's waist "everything's perfect I was just thinking about you and our son."

Harry smiled and kissed his lips.

"I love you so much." Harry said.

"I love you most." Louis said. 

 

Author's note:

So I've figured out like two more songs to add to the playlist both are by Ed Sheeran one is Photograph and the other is Kiss Me. Photograph made me think of the baby and when they found out what they were having, and Kiss Me basically tells all the emotion between Harry and Louis' growing love for each other. 

Anyway so lot's of big things happened! Harry finally talking to Liam for months but it not turning out well. Do you think Liam is going to come around or still be an ass to Harry! The baby gender being revealed after a long anticipated wait! What do you guys think of the name? 

I hope the reveal didn't seem rushed but I didn't think it would fit well with the other chapters but it would in a way. 

Hope you enjoyed it! 

Don't forget to vote, continue reading, and PLEASE COMMENT! I love hearing opinions!


	12. Unfair

The butterfly feeling that came as a first kick was foreign and at the same time exciting. He was bummed that Louis was at work when it happened. Louis has been working a lot lately, Harry was lonely even though he did have William inside. Harry found himself talking to the little one quite often. Louis' shifts seemed to be getting later but Harry understood that it meant money and a roof over their heads. It was hard to get used to.   
He missed Liam in some stupid way, he knew he shouldn't but it was times like this he wished he could call Liam up and get him to come round and hang with him for the night until Louis got back. Harry's bump was kind of big now he was 5 months he had one more month until they saw their sweet boy again. Harry couldn't wait. 

"You're mummys little angel," Harry cooed at his stomach "my sweet little boy, I hope you look like daddy." he rubbed his stomach gently. 

William didn't move to him rubbing his stomach, he must be asleep. Harry reached to the cushion beside him grabbing the stethoscope Louis surprised him with the other night. He put the ear pieces in and rolled up his shirt. He moved the piece around finding the heartbeat and he did. 

Fast like a train. Thump, thump, thump going as fast as Harry could count. He started singing to his bump. 

"If I could fly I'd be coming right back home to you," he sung skipping a few lines "for your little eyes only I show you my heart, for when you're lonely and forget who you are, I'm missing half of me when we're apart. Now you know me, for your little eyes only. For your little eyes only." Harry felt one tear fall down his cheek. 

He loved listening to Williams heart, it reminded him that he was never going to be alone. He would always have William as a part of him if something ever happened to Louis. 

"I can't wait to meet you." Harry smiled. 

He phone buzzed cause he put it on vibrate because Liam wouldn't leave him alone. He looked down at the screen to see who it was. An unknown number it was. He picked it up just in case it was some emergency calling about Louis being hurt. 

"Hello?" Harry answered. 

"Harry? Harry Styles?" a woman's voice came through he'd heard that before who's was it? 

"This is he, may I ask who this is?" Harry asked politely. 

"I-it's Karen, Karen Payne." her voice was shaking like she's been crying and is fighting to hold back the tears. 

"I knew you sounded familiar! Is everything alright?" Harry asked some feeling raised into his throat making it feel tight. 

"N-no it's my baby boy Liam, h-he- he was hit by a truck and-" Karen went quiet. 

Harry's eyes started burning. He could feel the tears filling his eyes. 

"Hello? Mrs. Payne?" Harry said. 

"Harry this is Geoff. Liam was hit by a truck while he was out. He's not well off Harry- please come to the hospital we're in the ICU ask for Liam Payne." Geoff's voice cracked and he hung up. 

Harry felt his heart break in a million little pieces inside him. He dropped his phone onto the sofa. He was in his pj's still. He quickly slipped on his sneakers and grabbed a small leather pack and stuffed with clothes that were comfortable for him. He grabbed the stethoscope to keep him calm during the stay and put it in his bag. He packed his laptop into it's bag and grabbed his phone charger and he was off. He called Louis. 

"Hello princess." Louis answered. 

"Lou I'm on the way to the hospital Liams been hurt. He's been hit by a truck." Harry cried. 

"I'll be round after I get off okay?" Louis said calmly. 

He wanted to remain calm for Harry. 

"Yeah okay he's on the ICU floor ask for Liam Payne when you get to the desk and they'll get you directed from there." Harry held back the tears. 

"Be careful I love you both." 

"We love you daddy." Harry said hanging up. 

He got in his car. Throwing his stuff in the seat beside him. The drive to the hospital was nerving. Harry would be destroyed in a way if Liam died. He winced thinking about Liam and death. Liam had been an ass to him, he didn't know why he dropped everything and came as soon as he heard. Pulling into the hospital he sat in the car for a beat then grabbed his things up and went in. He didn't know if he could face seeing Liam hooked up to a lot of machines. The pang of the elevator snapped him out of his thoughts and he stepped off onto the ICU floor. 

"Excuse me?" Harry said shrugging a bag back up on his shoulder. 

"Yes sir?" the nurse said.

"I'm here to visit a Liam Payne? Uh he wasn't admitted too long ago. He-" Harry couldn't finish. 

"Room 2B that way." she pointed. 

Harry nodded wiping away tears walking down the cooridor. He found 2B he couldn't see inside. 

"Harry?" Karen sounded so horribly shattered. 

"Oh Karen." Harry dropped his bags and faced her. 

She looked at him silently eyeing his protruding stomach. Harry ignored her staring and hugged her. 

"I'm so sorry." he said. 

"Come on in." Karen said. 

"N-no I- I don't think I can yet I mean I'm not ready." Harry took a deep breath. 

"Well I'll show you to the waiting room then." Karen said wiping the tears away. 

Harry nodded picking his things up and followed her in there. He settled into a nice reclining chair. He took out his phone and looked through messages Liam sent him. 

From Liam: 

Harry I'm sorry. I really miss you being here with me in this pathetic dorm...... :/ 

From Liam:

Harry please I was stupid for saying what I did. I know I keep saying I'm sorry and I'm stupid cause that's all I can really say. 

From Liam: 

HARRY PLEASE! This is stupid not saying our friendship is.... fuck nevermind. 

There was so many from him. All him begging for some response from Harry. There was a voicemail from earlier today from Liam. 

Voicemail: 

"Hey Harry I'm on my way to see you, uh I begged Louis for your address if you don't let me in fine I'll leave but I'd really like it if you did. Dont get mad at Louis I'm the one who wanted-" 

It beeped cutting him off. That was the last of anything from him before this. Harry felt tears fall. He brought his knees to his chest. He wanted Louis here but it was still another couple of hours before he got off. 

Harry was fighting himself to go see him. He needed to it's been two hours. Louis would be here any minute now. Harry exhaled heavily and stood holding his stomach. He made his way down the cooridor to the room 2B. He knocked softly on the door. Karen and Geoff were on their way out. The door was still blocking the view of Liam. Harry pushed the door open wider with one hand his other hand holding his stomach. William was moving about inside. Harry quietly shut the door and sat down in the chair at the foot of the bed against the wall. 

He looked at Liam, his eyes were stinging from stopping only to start crying again. Liam was hooked up to different monitors. His arm had an IV in it a small bruise surrounded it. He had small cuts on his cheeks. His forehead was covered in a bandage. He couldn't really see the damage to his hands. Harry closed his eyes and gathered himself enough to walk and sit beside the bed in the chair that was more comfortable then the other.   
He sat down and looked at Liam some more. A dark purple bruise was on his wrist and a few others were scattered on his arms. His right hand thumb nail was totally gone a bandage covered the wound. The blanket covered Liams stomach and below so he couldn't see whether he had any wounds. 

Something made Harry scoot closer and grab his hand. Harry was afraid he was going to hurt Liam. The slightest touch he was afraid it would hurt him. He knew Liam could hear him. He was breathing on his own hardly though. 

Harry's chest ached. 

"I was alone today Liam and guess what happened," Harry paused smiling at his stomach "I felt my baby kick today for the first time. It was the strangest feeling ever, I wish you-" Harry stopped himself and thought. 

"I know you Liam, I know you didn't mean any of that. What you said about me. You swore up and down you meant every word, but you ass I know you better. You hurt my feelings when you said that. I was just hoping by me giving you the time to think and realize what you've done," Harry started crying "I want to be bloody mad at you but I can't. You've gone and got hurt, how can anyone be mad at someone who's gotten hurt?" 

Harry half laughed and cryed. He stopped talking and remained in the chair. It was a hour past Louis' off time. Was he just off in the waiting area? Was he over time? 

"I'll be back soon." Harry said and went out. 

He entered the waiting area. Karen was asleep on Geoff's shoulder. Geoff was asleep too. He looked over on the other side of the room. 

"Louis." Harry cried. 

Louis stood up quickly and hugged the boy. 

"I'm sorry I didn't know you were back there. If I did I would have came back." 

Harry pulled back and they sat down. 

"I've been back there for ages. Did you not see his parents?" Harry questioned. 

"No, I didn't know what they looked like?" Louis said grabbing Harry's hand. 

"Eh well they are asleep you'll meet them soon enough. I think they think Liam is the father of our baby cause they didn't say much to me when I first got here." Harry said. 

"You alright? That's my baby in there. Im sure Liam will tell them when he wakes up." Louis asked. 

"Yeah I mean I don't know I don't feel like I should of got here. There might not be a chance he will wake up. Five bloody months pregnant and I wobbled my way over here," Harry paused "I feel like I should just go home." 

Louis sighed he could tell Harry was fighting some battle with himself. 

"Babe you've done the right thing by being here that's the least you can do, you don't have to forgive him. You care about him enough to be here for him and that's alright. I'm not happy about the way he's been towards you but I'm only here for you. If you want me to go back there with you I will." Louis said squeezing Harry's hand gently. 

Harry nodded standing giving Louis' hand a slight tug. 

"I-" Harry stopped looking back and forth from the way to Liams room and the exit "I just want to go home." 

Louis nodded and practically ran grabbing up Harry's things. 

"I got a taxi over here." Louis smiled when he noticed Harry was searching for his car. 

Harry smiled faintly and gave him the keys. 

Harry grabbed the stethoscope from his bag and listened to the heartbeat like it was music. It was his melody a melody that sent him to sleep when he couldn't go to sleep. 

He removed the ear pieces and looked at Louis. 

"You missed something big today." Harry said holding his stomach as William was moving about. 

"Oh?" 

Harry nodded sadly. 

"You missed our sons first kick." 

Louis stayed silent taking in what he just heard. 

"I'm- I'm sorry." the boy said pulling in the park of the apartments. 

"It's okay there will be other times I hope." Harry said. 

They got out and Louis grabbed Harry's things. Harry stopped walking and Louis did too. 

"I hate that I can't be there when you want but it's a job or we are living in our cars." Louis answered. 

"I know." Harry sighed looking at him. 

"I know your upset about me not being there and about Liam getting hurt, but please don't push your anger on me." Louis said. 

Harry shook his head and said nothing and started walking again. Harry wanted to run away from it but what was that going to do? Nothing, just make things worse. He went outside on the balcony as soon as they got in. It was about 6 pm, Harry listened at the horns honking down below and watched the lights from different windows flick on or off. He watched the life London. 

"Harry?" Louis stood at the door with a blanket. 

Harry looked at him. 

"Why did he have to go and walk in front of a damned delivery truck? Stupid idiot." Harry broke down. 

Louis wrapped his arms around him tightly. 

"You know Liam he doesn't really pay any mind to some things obviously oncoming cars is one of them." Louis said trying to make Harry laugh. 

Harry laughed. 

"He didn't break a bone in his body yet he's laying there knocked out as if it broke every bone in his body." Harry smiled. 

"He's a little shit." Louis smiled at the boy who was now laughing. 

"I don't want him to die Lou." Harry said. 

"Haz don't you think he'd want you there every minute? Give him something to stay alive for. I'd have something I'd want to kick deaths ass for and that's you and our son." 

Harry smiled up at him kissing his cheek before he snuggled into his chest. They sat out there on the balcony for while they threw some pillows against the wall and another blanket on the floor they cuddled there. They talked about everything from what color Williams room should be to what theme they wanted.   
"So do you want to go back?" Louis asked as they settled into the bed for the night. 

"Honestly tomorrow is Saturday I'd love a trip to the mountains. Take a train after the hospital me and you?" Harry said as Louis started to cuddle him. 

He started kissing his bump slowly making his way to his Harry's lips. 

"So?" Harry said between a kiss. 

"Okay that actually sounds nice." Louis said kissing him again.  

"Yeah?" 

Louis nodded. 

"Now go to sleep." Louis instructed. 

"I love you." Harry said closing his eyes. 

"I love you most." Louis pecked the top of his head.


	13. "I love you no matter what"

Liam still looked lifeless or almost at least. All his wounds were still covered and stained with the same red stain. Harry still couldn't figure out what made him come here. The kicking of William inside him as he looked at Liam's chest rise and fall with every breath, reminded him that it was okay or he hoped it would be. It wasn't just the fact Liam was his best friend he knew that or was it? He was in a dilemma really, he was trapped.

Louis grabbed his hand as they stood in front the closed door. Harry never moved closer from where he was at. He wasn't going to either. He was still a little irritated with himself that he came here in the first place, he's angry at him as he should be, but he felt it was wrong to not go see Liam when he first got the call. He didn't want Liam to think he hated him. The way he felt now about it all he did feel a twinge of hate towards Liam. Everytime he looked at him he felt the anger boil inside him.

He stood there words playing on his tongue wanting to spill out, but the words that wanted to come out weren't exactly good. He would allow the few words on the tip of his tongue out. 

"It's unfair Liam!" Harry snapped "you've put me in this place where I feel if I don't see you it's wrong and if I do it's wrong but right. Don't you dare think it's okay to leave everything behind because it's not! I ha-" Harry stopped himself from saying those last few words.

He turned to Louis who was taken aback by the sudden outburst. He knew Harry was having a difficult time with it all. What could he do though? Magically wave a wand and everythings okay? If only.

"Babe come on I think that's enough for today," Louis gave Harry's hand a pull, "we need to get going so we can catch that train."

Harry's anger was still there but he turned around and walked out the door with Louis without saying a word or looking back. The walk to the station was agonizing for Harry at least. Being nearly 6 months pregnant and walking what seemed like 1,000 miles was a killer to Harry's feet. It was only half a mile from the hospital plus some stairs.

Louis brought his skateboard to ride down to the station. Harry watched him from the bench as they waited for the train. Louis looked beautiful even though he was wearing sweatsshirt and jeans holding a skateboard. That was Louis though, wearing tight skinny jeans and an adidas hoodie or something in that area. He had a layed back style. Harry loved that about him. It was a lot of things he loved about Louis though not just that.

He took a picture and posted it to Instagram.

Captioning it trip with my boy ♥ @lwt91

Captioning it trip with my boy ♥ @lwt91 

"Trains here beautiful." Louis said as the train pulled in.

Harry walked over well really wobbled over and stepped on with Louis. They sat down.

"Hey." Louis began but noticed Harry was sleeping away on his shoulder.

Harry woke 30 minutes later and they were still about 20 minutes later. He picked his head up off of Louis' lap.

"Look who finally woke up." Louis smiled. 

"That walk made me sleepy." Harry smiled back.

"Well at least you have some energy for the mountains."

Harry held his tummy it amazed him, he wondered who the baby would look like. What he would be like. Louis looked at Harry's tummy. Except he wasn't thinking what he wanted the baby to be like, he was thinking about what he didn't want William to be like.

The train came to a stop. They stepped off the train.

"Hungry?" Louis questioned. 

"Yeah, actually a good bit for something cheesy or at least that's what he wants." Harry said pointing to his tummy.

"Right then I'm sure some place here has cheesy food." Louis said grabbing Harry's hand. 

They did manage to find a place that had cheesy options. Harry ordered the cheesiest thing they had. The woman who took their order, looked at Harry strange when she noticed his pregnant belly.

It made Harry feel awful to be looked at like that. The woman looked at him as if he was some ugly creature. He had been getting looks like that since he started looking like he was pregnant not just fat. He looked around the restaurant, he saw people staring at his bump and whispering. 

"I'm ready to go." Harry stood up quickly and walked out the place. 

He felt his eyes water up and the tears roll down.

Here lately that's all he's been doing is crying. A few moments later Louis came out, he instinctively wrapped his arms around Harry. 

Harry was tense but when home wrapped it's arms around him. His fruatration and anger melted away. He wanted Louis to kiss him badly, he sniffled raising his head up.

"Lou I want you to kiss me because you haven't in a while. Right now thats all I want." Harry smiled.

Louis leaned in and kissed the boy. He could taste the salty tears on Harry's lips as they moved slowly in sync with each other. Their lips fit perfectly each and everytime they kissed. They would kiss like it was their last because those were the best kind. At least to them it was. Harry broke the kiss for some air, before Louis went back in to finish it off.

"Come on let's go to the mountains." Louis smiled against his lips.

The mountains are so relaxing and beautiful. It was a little chilly to Harry and he forgot to grab a jacket. He wasnt going to git in Louis' sweatshirt so he just sat in the sun taking in the view.

"I wish I could live away from everything Lou, it's so peaceful and relaxing and gorgeous up here." Harry said holding his tummy.

"Mhmm." Louis said taking a picture of Harry.

He looked perfect, the way the sun landed perfectly on his tummy  
He looked perfect, the way the sun landed perfectly on his tummy. He couldn't resist posting it on Instagram. He captioned it my boys #18th,April2017 he put Williams birthday or supposed to be birthdate to say just what he was talking about when he said boys.

Louis sat down beside him.

"You know what?" Louis said a soft smile playing on his lips.

"What?" Harry said turning his head looking at him.

"I wouldn't mind it up here either. Apart from those rude people back there in the restaurant I'd love it." Louis admitted.

"Is that really what you were going to say?" Harry questioned raising a brow playfully.

"N-" Louis couldn't finish cause Harry excitedly grabbed his hand for him to feel a good kick.

"What the hell?" Louis scrunched his brows.

"That's our baby boy Louis, he's kicking." Harry smiled.

"Really?"

Harry nodded.

"What does that feel like?" Louis questioned feeling the baby move about.

"Hm," Harry thought about how to explain it "well it kind of feels like you've got a ball in your stomach floating there until it bounces forward and hits your stomach." 

"Does it hurt?" Louis asked like a curious child learning about something new and amazing. 

"Eh not really, just feels a little weird. Sometimes he does kick a bit hard and it will hurt and sometimes he lays in uncomfortable positions for me but I've gotten used to it." Harry smiled. 

They sat in silence the only sound that sounded was the birds in the trees and the leaves rustling in the wind. 

"You know something?" Louis questioned. 

"Well I know some things but probably not what you're about to tell me." Harry smirked as he rubbed his tummy gently. 

"I don't want our son to be like me," Louis looked at the scenery in front of them. 

"Why?" Harry grazed his fingertips across his tummy looking at Louis. 

"Because Haz I was horrible as a kid and I'm still a bit bad. I don't want our son to be like that, to leave his family behind because he got blamed for his father leaving. I don't want that." Louis shook his head and hung his head. 

"You're wrong you know." Harry spoke looking at him scooting closer to Louis so he could touch him. 

"Am I?" 

Harry put a finger under Louis' chin so he could turn Louis to look at him. He climbed on top of him straddling his lap so he was on top of him. 

"Yes you are," Harry smiled down at the boy "you're not bad I wish you would stop telling yourself that. Stop thinking our son is going to be like you because if he is so what? Louis you're amazing you know why?" 

Louis shook his head. 

"Look at you Louis tell me would you be here with me right now in the middle of the mountains talking about our baby, if you were still bad?" Harry said. 

Louis looked at the boy his hands were on Harry's stomach. 

"No." he answered simply. 

"That's right you wouldn't you'd be off probably partying right now or something. I don't know how you did it Louis, but you are not bad. You changed Louis, you changed you are someone totally different from the Louis I first saw in the dorm then the bathroom and everywhere else countless times before. I don't know this Louis in front of me right now but I've fallen in love with him, not because I have your child but because this is the real you. The you that you lost when you left your family. I love that Louis and I honestly loved the Louis that was tattered and broken who bullied me often. I think you're perfect." Harry rambled his eyes watered as he spoke to Louis. 

"How could you even love someone like me even then?" Louis questioned. 

Harry sat back on Louis' shins placing his hands on the boys knees. 

"Because I saw how much you needed someone Louis. This may sound corny and overly dramatic like from a Nicholas Sparks novel or something but I saw that you needed someone to bring you out of that place you were in. I could see that you were screaming on the inside. You remember the day in the bathroom?" Harry questioned. 

Louis nodded. 

"that's the day I fell in love with you. I don't honestly know how to explain how I did but something in me pulled me to you that day. I saw the hurt in your eyes and my chest ached. Then in the parking lot that day when you kissed me I knew it." Harry said.

"I knew it too. I just didn't know how to love only how to hurt. I ran away from love Harry that's all I've done was run from what I've needed." Louis said. 

"You stopped though." Harry said. 

"No," Louis shook his head and Harry looked at him "I was fighting myself with you, I told myself I hated you, obviously that wasn't true..." Louis paused "everyday I want to run from you Harry." 

"What?" Harry said confused. 

"I want to run from you everyday." Louis repeated. 

"Why?" Harry's chest started aching with worry. 

"Calm down babe, I want to run because I'm afraid of hurting you." Louis admitted. 

"You can't hurt me Louis...." Harry paused "you wouldn't." 

Louis looked at the boy in silence. 

"I don't know if I would or not Harry. You have know way of knowing could happen in the next second, day, month or so on." Louis said. 

Harry swallowed the dryness in his throat. 

"We- uh we should get going." Harry said. 

"Harry..." Louis said. 

"How are you ever going to feel if you won't let what you feel set you free?" Harry snapped and turned on his walking back down the path. 

"I don't know cause there's things I still haven't told you." Louis said lowly because Harry was down the path a good ways. 

The walk was quiet and neither of them said a word. There was this feeling floating between them. They didn't speak at all and Louis didn't try to fix it because he knew Harry was irritated? He couldn't quite figure out what Harry was feeling. On the train Harry didn't swat or smack away his hand from his stomach, but he didn't speak either. 

Harry was fighting the tears that were coming it hurt his throat having to hold them back. 

Louis' journal didn't hold everything there was to tell for reasons he wasn't going to give up. 

He left in his car when they returned to the flat, Harry was hurt he didn't know what the hell happened. It went from talking about their corny love declarations for each other to this? It just didn't make sense. Harry didn't think much about it, maybe it was just one of Louis' odd phases. He'd be back and say sorry for being the way he was, then it go back to normal. 

It was half past nine when they had arrived back. Harry was tired so he went to bed listening to the heartbeat to get him to go to sleep. He went to sleep. 

Louis drove the hospital he visited Liam. His parents weren't there, not even in the waiting room. They were gone. They left Liam here with no one. Louis stared at Liam quietly for ages, his eyes burned from the tears. 

"I don't know what to say to you Liam," Louis finally spoke "you need to fucking wake up, you don't get out that easily. Not when you got us in this mess." 

Liam's body was healing which was a good thing the cuts on his face was still noticeable but it wasn't as bad as they were. His finger that lost the nail completely had no bandage on it. A lot of his bandages were now gone. Had he woken up sometime after they left? Liam's parents were here this morning and now they're gone? Liam was raised up slightly more than usual. Louis rubbed his face with his hands and stood up hooking his thumbs through the belt loops of his pants.

"Wait a damn minute!" Louis snapped noticing the IV was out of Liams arm, he went to the nurses desk outside. 

"Excuse me m'am?" he said to the nurse. 

"Yes sir?" she answered nicely. 

"Um the man in this room," he pointed to the room Liam was in "how come all the bandages and the IV has been taken out? This morning when me and my boyfriend came to visit it was like he was the first time we saw him and now he looks fine." 

"Oh! Mr. Payne yes! That lad woke this morning shortly after you two left. He woke actually the day before sir." the nurse smiled. 

"What?!" Louis said angry. 

"Yes sir. He woke the day before and the doctor examined him said they were all healed good enough for no bandages and he didn't need-" Louis put up a hand to silence her. 

"B-but my boyfriend should've been called about him, he's the closest to family he's got." Louis said.

"Oh sir he told us to not call him to leave him alone. We're moving his room in just ten minutes." the nurse said. 

"Are you?" 

She nodded. Louis was trying to contain his anger the urge to go in their and beat Liam's ass was strong. 

"Oh well thank you. I'll be with him then." Louis said and went back into the room. 

Louis' chest was heaving viciously he was beyond angry with Liam. 

"You son of a bitch!" Louis snapped. 

"Good to see you too." Liam said in a hoarse voice. 

"Shut up!" Louis said cutting the shit. 

Liam opened his eyes. 

"What's got your boxers in a twist?" Liam said obliviously. 

"Well I don't know Liam you've been acting like you were still out for the past day?! You fucking-" 

"I'm sorry I didn't want to deal with the shit if I woke up." Liam spit. 

"Oh my god you're fucking lucky you're in that damned bed cause if you-" Louis said but was cut off by the transport people coming in to move Liam. 

The move didn't take long but Louis was hot on their heels while they were moving him. Once they were alone again he continued. 

"in short words I would beat your fucking ass!" Louis said. 

"Louis stop with the bull shit! I gave you the option of not doing it but you went through with it anyway." Liam said. 

"Yeah I did cause I didn't want some other guy of the damn frat to get him, unlike you I care about Harry." 

"Oh? You do, do you?" Liam smirked. 

"Yes I fucking do. I regret ever taking you up on that damned bet. I fucking hate myself for that." Louis could feel vomit rising in his throat. 

Liam laughed. 

"Imagine what Harry's going to do and be like when you tell him. Oi will that destroy him. Bless his poor little heart." 

Louis nearly punched Liam in the face but he stopped his face was hot with anger his eyes were filled with regret. 

"I'll do anything for you Liam except hurt him more." Louis begged. 

"Anything aye?" Liam quirked a brow. 

"Y-yes." Louis said lowly. 

"I'm sorry?" Liam said. 

"I said fucking yes!" Louis spit. 

"Alright," Liam smiled mischievously "you gotta blow me when I'm out or now and you gotta let me fuck you, or no deal." Liam said smiling. 

Louis was going to puke he felt it feel his mouth. He ran to the bathroom and threw up. Louis slid against the wall next to the toilet. He never felt so horribly in his life, but he was going to protect Harry at all costs. If it meant fucking and blowing Liam then it have to be. He rose to his feet and went back out. 

"Well?" Liam questioned. 

"I'm not doing it here." Louis said. 

"Where then Ms. Priss?" Liam pushed. 

Louis shrugged. 

"When do you get out?" Louis questioned. 

"Tomorrow." Liam said. 

"O-okay um I will come get you tomorrow and I'll take us somewhere." Louis couldn't sleep with Harry knowing he would be doing that same thing tomorrow with Liam. 

Liam nodded. 

"Good boy." Liam said as if he were talking to a dog. 

"I'm not a damned dog." Louis snapped. 

"Oh yes you are, you're worthless you will do anything you are commanded just to save yourself hurt." Liam said. 

"Stop." Louis begged through tears. 

"What?" Liam said. 

"I mean can we not talk about this please, it's bad enough already." Louis corrected himself. 

Liam laughed. 

"Go away, I'll see you tomorrow and if you don't show then you can consider your little fairy tale screwed." Liam instructed. 

Louis left he ran out of the hospital. He ran to his car and sped off. He wasn't going home he couldn't. He was just going to go to the warehouse and stay there. He arrived to the warehouse and layed on his cot in the corner in a ball. His knees were hugged to his chest and his head was tucked. He felt disgusting. He was did this all to protect Harry, but he wasn't going to put it in his journal he didn't put it anywhere. He kept it inside where it was tearing him to pieces. How was this going to work? Harry had his appointment tomorrow with the doctor for the six month check up. Louis had to go to that. He would and nothing was going to stop him. 

He looked at his wrist and traced his finger over the scars there. 1,2,3 he counted the amount that was there. ff- he began to trace one that wasn't there but he wanted so bad to be there. It was what he deserved. He deserved pain for doing this to Harry, but it was for him. It was for Harry and he hoped and prayed like hell Harry would understand that. 

He wasn't going to bring Liam here, not here. This place now held everything about Harry in it. On this very cot was where they made love. Where William was made. Where everything became something to him. He scrambled off the cot and put his back against the wall. 

"I'm so sorry Harry." he cried into the air around him. 

He grabbed his phone and texted Harry. 

To my world: 

Harry I love you no matter what......

He hit send. 

Louis screamed out in anger and sadness. He cried hard and punched the brick wall causing his hand to bleed. He didn't have anything to wrap it in or no sink to rinse it in. He just left it and hoped it be okay. 

He stayed awake the whole night only thinking about Harry and William. He never left that spot against the wall until he saw the time and he got up grabbing his keys to go get him. 

 

Authors note: 

Okay wow! This chapter was huge! I definitely want thoughts! Okay anyway I got more songs to add to the playlist. 

Breathe by Fleurie because it fits Louis in the end and how he's feeling right now. 

Sirens by Fleurie because it also fits how Louis feels too and I feel it sets the mood quite well. 

Tell me what you think about this huge turn? What do you think Harry is going to do when he finds out? How do you think Louis feels? Do you think it's right that Louis is going through with what he is with Liam? Do you think he really is going to do that? 

Please vote and comment!


	14. "You weren't ever a bet to me"

Louis pulled to the door of the hospital. Liam was stood outside in a outfit that his parents must have brought him. He was in sweats and Louis was in the same outfit he was yesterday. 

*beep* 

From my world: 

I love you Louis?  What's wrong?  

Louis started to text him back but before he could Liam swiped the phone from him as he was getting in.

"I agreed to blowing you and letting you fuck me for the sake of Harry but I did not agree to you taking my phone now give it back." Louis said reaching for it. 

Liam punched him in the cheek. 

"Follow my rules bud or your sweet Harry is in for a world of hurt." Liam threatened shoving the phone in his pocket. 

Louis held his cheek that was bruising by the second.  He felt tears roll down his cheeks. 

"Where are you taking me?" Liam asked. 

"Uh to a hotel cause your dorms not exactly where I want to go...." Louis said wincing at the pain in his cheek from talking. 

"I'm not doing any of that in a hotel." Liam scoffed. 

Louis wanted to hit the steering wheel but if he did that it would result in Liam hitting him again. 

"You know for someone who's just been hit by a bloody delivery truck you sure do recover quick and really amaze me at how your walking about as if it never happened." Louis shot. 

"Guess them doctors did a splendid job on fixing me up. I'm just a bit sore and cut up is all." Liam smirked. 

"I don't where I can take you then." Louis said. 

"Hmm, how about to my fucking dorm." Liam snapped causing Louis to jump. 

So he drove to the dorm where he and Harry first met. He hated it so much. He walked like a puppy behind Liam. People told Liam they were sorry about what happened to him and he looked great. Louis however didn't say a word to them. He was quiet the whole time. 

"Alright." Liam said locking the door. 

Louis swallowed he really didn't want to do this but he wanted Harry and their son safe. Louis stood in the middle of the room waiting on instructions. 

"Liam?" Louis said not looking at him.   
"What?" he snapped searching for condoms. 

"I don't want to blow you what else can I do?" Louis questioned. 

Liam thought for a moment. 

"Let me be rough with you." Liam said with a happy smile. 

"O-okay." Louis stuttered. 

Liam instructed him to strip. He swallowed hard and did as he was told. He hit him hard across the back. Smacked his face, and ass. Punched his sides, pulled his hair, jerked him in the position he wanted. He was brutalized.  Liam bit his lip so hard it bled so there was a cut on his lip.  

He did everything he was told and when it was all over he felt filthy. His body ached, his heart ached. He hated it.

"Liam I let you do everything you wanted. Now promise you won't hurt him?" Louis said with tears in his eyes. 

"Cross my heart." Liam said flinging the sheet over his naked torso as Louis got dressed.  

He made them do it on Harry's bed. It wasn't rape because it wasn't forced but it sure felt like it. He winced as he put on his shirt. 

"Bye." Liam tossed him his phone.  

Louis left as quick as his sore body allowed. He felt violated. He drove to the apartment crying and went in. He managed to make it back in plenty of time before the appointment. 

"Louis is that you?" Harry called from the bed room. 

Louis practically limped to the bedroom pushing open the door. His knees were bruised from where Liam banged them together. Harry looked at him with a look that couldn't be described.  

"Lou? What's happened?" Harry said worried as he got off the bed and went to him. 

"I had to do it Harry please understand that okay. Please understand that what I'm about to tell you I had to do to keep you safe." 

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're scaring me." Harry held his stomach. 

Louis and him sat on the bed side by side.  

"Liam dared me to go with you, I didn't want to Harry you've gotta believe me. Please," Louis slid off the bed and onto the floor crying into his knees "I did it all to protect you. I'm hurt the way I am because of Liam. He warned that if I didn't do as I was told he-" Louis paused taking a breath "he would hurt you."

Harry remained quiet taking it in. 

"So-so you regret William and me and everything about us?" Harry's voice was shakey. 

"No, god no Harry. I love you so much and I don't ever regret William. You and him are the best thing that's ever happened to me." Louis cried. 

"I don't know what to think Louis." Harry admitted. 

"You don't need to think. I did all of this to protect you. He would have gotten one of those other frat people to go with you but no Harry they would have fucked you and left you there. I wanted more from you not because of some stupid bet but because I liked you from the moment I saw you in the dorm I liked you. Then when we kissed that time I knew I loved you and I would have to come clean but I didn't imagine coming clean like this. I don't regret anything with you baby. Not a thing because I loved you then and I love you now. Please." Louis cried into Harry's knees. 

Harry scrunched his brows together and slid off the bed so Louis could cry onto his shoulder.  

"I understand that Louis, but what you did was wrong." Harry said. 

"No, it wasn't that's what you don't understand I did it because no one else was going to have you but me. Those other boys would of hurt you. I couldn't let that happen." Louis cried looking at Harry in the face.  

"We got that appointment." Harry said. 

Louis nodded on his shoulder. 

"Harry I don't want to go knowing your mad at me. I want to fix it now." 

Harry sighed.  

"I know I should've ran out of here and been angry with you Lou. Honestly I can't be not after what you told me. I love you too much and I hate that you did that with Liam to protect me." Harry said looking at him.  

Harry brushed his thumb on Louis' bottom lip.

"Another moment where I ask myself what have I done to deserve you?" Louis said. 

Harry smiled.  

"Now you need a bloody shower you stink like bad." Harry giggled.  

Harry wanted to beat Liams ass just as much as Louis did. He hated Liam for who he acted he was. It was disgusting. He hurt Louis in the worst way possible and that hurt Harry seeing how bruised and beaten he was. 

~ 

The appointment was great. Dr. Jud said everything looked perfect.  The baby was still definitely a boy.  Harry and Louis both sighed in relief. The doctor told them to come back in two months. So Harry would be 8 months by then. 

"Can you believe that in literally 3 months William will be here?" Harry smiled. 

"Honestly I can't I'm over the moon about it that's for sure." Louis said. 

Harry grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. 

"We've yet to get him a cot and some more clothes and all." Harry said. 

"We can go to the shop when I don't look like I've been in a fight." 

"Babe I put up with weird stares all the time and yes they do hurt often, but I'm not letting that stop me. Come on I really want to go shopping for him." Harry gave him a cute little begging face. 

Louis smiled and shook his head. 

"Okay." Louis gave in. 

At the shop they grabbed a few things they should get now. One was the cot they didn't have one that wasn't white so they had to settle on the traditional white cot. That was okay though because they could use for a girl if they ever decided to have another. 

Harry looked through the clothes, he found about 10 outfits he liked but he bought them cause Louis was buying the more expensive things. The bottles, the diapers, diaper bag, things along those lines. 

"Well this is about three hundred pounds in itself right here." Louis looked at the arm full of things he had. 

"At least I'm buying the clothes." Harry smiled. 

Harry checked out. His total was £25.65. So it wasn't as much as he thought it was going to be. Louis checked out his total was £245.00 even. His was less then he thought. 

They put the things away in Harry's trunk. 

"Lou?" Harry said softly. 

"Yeah?" 

"Did I mean where did he uh make you go?" Harry swallowed. 

"I don't want to answer that." Louis said feeling his chest hurt from picturing back to what happened. 

Harry was mad at Louis but not nearly as much as he was at Liam. Every part of Harry wanted to march into that dorm and yell at Liam, hit him even. 

Louis on the otherhand was aching so much emotionally and physically it felt a huge hole was being dug into his chest. He wished he never had to do what he did, but he had to. As Harry gently touched his thigh, it made him feel a little more relaxed. It still didn't take away the hurt he felt.  

"Harry I don't understand why you didn't run from me when I told you that." Louis said breaking the silence. 

Harry looked at him silently for a beat. 

"I want to Louis it's taking everything in me to not." Harry said. 

Louis' eyes watered. 

"Then why don't you?" he cried. 

"Because I can't Louis, I just can't." he caught himself from yelling at him. 

"Go on Harry, yell at me. I deserve it." Louis said sounding horrible as they pulled into the car park of the apartments. 

"Stop Louis! Would you just stop?!" Harry finally snapped yelling "I want to leave you as I should.  William isn't keeping me here. I'm here because well I don't know why." Harry said crying. 

Louis got out the car and started grabbing the baby things out the trunk. 

"So that's it?" Harry said. 

"No that's not it Harry, I just fucking hate myself for doing that to you." Louis sat down on the curb beside the car. 

Harry joined him by standing in front of him. He was unable to sit that low because of how pregnant he was. 

"Lou look at me." Harry said through tears. 

Louis looked at him slowly. It was cold out, mid January was always cold.  Harry was starting to get cold which wasn't good. 

"I can't say I hate you for doing that to me, but I will admit I'm mad at you." Harry said. 

Louis stood back up just inches from him. 

"Remember people aren't always what they seem, I wasn't what I seemed Harry, Liam sure as hell wasn't, but what I'm trying to say is-" Louis took Harry's face between his hands caressing it "I wasn't who I really was because of you," Harry went to pull away but Louis kept him there gently "I protected you from them baby. This was all for you. You are no bet if anything you're the grand prize. A beautiful spectacular prize baby. I love you so much you know that?" 

"I know," Harry whispered inches from his lips "I know." 

Louis kissed him quickly. 

"I protected you from them because my god if they did those nasty horrible things they wanted to do to you. I would of...." Louis didn't know what he would of done. 

He didn't want to know.  

"I understand babe I finally understand." Harry cried. 

"Thank god." Louis was relieved and he kissed Harry victoriously. 

Harry wasn't a bet to him, he never was. He was a beautiful savior. He was Louis' savior. Harry was his the first day he saw him way before the bet. Louis knew he had to have him, even if it meant going through a damned bet just to have him because Liam threatened he would hurt him by having one of his other "boys" have a go at him. The day he walked in on the conversation he wanted to scream he's mine! Instead he said I'll do it, and he did. He got what was rightfully HIS against all odds. He fought for what's HIS. He protected what is HIS. He got what was HIS. He has what is THEIRS. 

A baby boy due 18th April, 2017. 

"You weren't ever a bet to me you know?" Louis said breaking the silence as he admired Harry. 

Harry stopped and looked at Louis with an understanding smile. 

"I know Lou." 

Harry crossed to him and leaned against the frame of the door as Louis pinned him against it. Louis kissed him passionately for the longest time and broke the kiss smiling at Harry. 

"I was everything to you." Harry said and smiled.


	15. Tragedy and 6 pounds 8 ounces 20 inches long

It was just a time clock now... 8 months came and gone. March was upon them. They had gotten the baby room done a week ago. They were excited but scared at the same time.

"Lay just like that." the photographer instructed Harry.

He put the checkered shoes on top of his belly and the photographer snapped the picture.

They took a load of them

 

They took a load of them. Harry even put on some floral printed pants and got a picture snapped with a pair of white shoes he picked out.

Louis watched in awe of it  
Louis watched in awe of it. Harry was beautiful even if he was really pregnant. He was perfect. He watched as Harry slipped his jeans on. The photographer caught his attention and Louis quickly snapped a picture of his tummy. Posting it to instagram saying say hello to papa :).

He still worried about Liam showing up to the apartment on a basis  
He still worried about Liam showing up to the apartment on a basis. Liam knew the address, and it was scary to think he might show up and do who knows what. Louis only held Harry closer and tighter at night.

*beep*

Louis opened the text from Liam.

From Liam:

I can see you.

Louis swallowed nervously.

To Liam:

Can't you kindly fuck off? I gave you what you wanted and you promised you'd leave us alone. I'm in a damn studio how the fuck can you see us?!

From Liam:

I'm right outside. Lmao.... you think I'm James Bond or something?

To Liam:

No I think you're a childish, immature, imbecile who has nothing better to do. Than to make bets for fun because you knew I liked him....

From Liam:

Imbecile? Childish? Immature? No poor boy I do believe you got it wrong. I'm not the one who took part in it I orchestrated it, but your the little child who wanted to play.....

To Liam:

Exactly the opposite. I took the fucking bet because I LOVED Harry I didn't like him! I wasn't about to let you or anyone else touch him or have him. Wanna know why?

Louis looked up seeing Harry was through. He payed the photographer for the package they set up and they left.

From Liam:

Do tell...

To Liam:

Come out coward and I'll tell you.

Louis stood authoratively and protectively in front of Harry. 

"Louis what are you doing?" Harry asked at the sudden action.

"Liam's coming." Louis said.

Harry laughed.

"Louis, stop it I have a few choice words I'll tell him if I see him."

Just then Louis spotted the familiar face.

"Howdy." Liam said approaching them.

Harry shrugged him off. Louis glared at him. Harry moved from behind Louis. Liam's eyes widened at his belly.

"What do you want Liam?" Harry snapped.

Liam raised a brow.

"Just who do you think you are?" Liam scoffed. 

"Who I am?!" Harry snapped "I am someone who's pretty disgusted by the person standing in front of me! You think it's alright to brutalize and get with someone because you want them to think your going to hurt their significant other!" Harry tryed to not yell.

Liam huffed hard, Harry hit a spot.

"You think you're above it all Liam?! I got news for you, your not! You're nothing but a coward! Who hides behind a group of stupid boys to feel like he's something!" Harry finally yelled.

Liam's fist connected with his face sending Harry to the ground.

"Liam what have you done?!" Louis yelled.

Liam took a few steps back but he didn't run away. He stood there staring down at Harry and Louis who was knealt down beside him.

"H-Harry I'm so sorry." Liam said starting to kneal beside him.

"No! Haven't you done enough?!" Louis snapped. 

Liam fell back on his butt.

"Just fucking leave Liam! Leave us the fuck alone." Louis yelled.

Harry held his stomach with one hand, and his face with the other hand. William was still moving which was a good thing. His movements were strong.

"Get my stethoscope!" Harry said worrying.

Louis quickly grabbed it from the backpack they always carried now, and handed the stethoscope to Harry. He put the pieces in his ears and relaxed a little bit more when he heard the thumping of the little heart.   
"He okay?" Louis said ignoring the fact Liam was still there. 

"Yeah." Harry layed his head against Louis' chest.

Harry's cheek was now a dark purple where Liam had punched him.

"Leave us alone Liam!" Harry said "just go away don't come back."

Liam was now standing and Louis was helping Harry up gently and carefully. Louis stood stern in front of Harry. He punched Liam right in the stomach. 

"That was for fucking touching my boy and if you ever touch him or my child again. I'll get the cops involved. Now leave." Louis pointed. 

Liam turned and left.

"Oh baby I'm sorry." Louis said once in the car.

"It's okay," Harry held his face cause his jaw hurt when he talked "I shouldn't have went on like I did."

"All that matters is that you and William are okay and he will leave us alone now," Louis paused "I hope."

"I just want to get home and ice my cheek cause it hurts." Harry said.

"Yeah it will for like a day." Louis patted Harry's thigh.

Harry was worried he knew Liam would come back. He saw it in his face and in the way he stumbled back as he walked away. Almost as if he was losing some battle. Harry saw it and he wasn't going to tell Louis he didn't want him to worry.

Once they were home Harry rolled up his shirt for Louis to feel William kick.

Louis ordered pizza while Harry was in the shower  
Louis ordered pizza while Harry was in the shower. The knock on the scared the shit out of Harry because he didn't expect it, of course he thought it was Liam. Louis asked him why he jumped at the sudden knock, he simply said he was zoned into the movie that the knock surprised him.

A few hours later after they finished as they were in bed, Louis holding him closely.

A loud knock sounded on the door

A loud knock sounded on the door. It was 10 PM roughly.

"Don't go to the door Louis." Harry begged.

"Harry, it's probably just some person wondering about something." Louis said throwing the sheet off his figure.

Harry got out of bed as quick as he could. He grabbed Louis' arm.

"Don't please Louis!" Harry cryed.

The knock sounded again this time harder and louder.

"It's probably just Liam wanting to start stuff." Louis said shrugging it off walking towards the door.

Harry was shaking with fear. Something told him that if he opened that door- Louis opened the door.

Liam had a gun raised pointed straight at Louis. Harry's feet moved before his mind could catch up with him. He stood in front of Louis.

"Liam you're going to have to kill us," Harry said holding his stomach, "before you do him."

He could smell alcohol and knew Liam was drunk, but where did he get the gun?

"Harry get out the way." Louis pulled on him.

"Louis don't," Harry said holding his hand "Liam don't do this."

"I'm worthless." Liam spit waving the gun.

"No." Harry said simply. 

"Yes! I am stop acting like you like me! You fucking hate me, who are you fooling?" Liam now had the gun pointed directly at Harry.

"Liam don't please, please think about what your doing." Louis pleaded watery eyed, trying to get in front of Harry. 

He finally got in front of Harry and stood his ground.

"You took my best friend Louis." Liam whined drunk he raised his hands to his head aggravated. 

Louis slowly began walking towards the boy.

"Stay away!" Liam warned pointing the gun again but Louis kept walking.

Harry stood at the door watching scaredly as Louis walked towards Liam. Louis' arm was reached out his hand was shaken.

"Don't touch me!" Liam warned again.   
"Come on we got neighbors who are likely to be watching us through their peep holes. Please Liam." Louis still was reaching out but he wasn't touching him.

He was still in his apartment, Liam was stood outside. Louis and Harry had backed up quite far when they saw the gun. Harry's feet again moved taking him in front of Louis. This time he wasn't going to move. He was going to have to get shot, or Liam was going to leave.

"Liam what are you doing?" Harry asked softly.

"Stop trying to get in my fucking head! JUST STOP!" Liam snapped.

The gun was once again pointed and this time cocked and ready to fire at Harry.

"You don't wanna do this come on, I won't say anything to anyone if you just leave it will all be okay." Harry tryed reconciling with him.

That was the wrong thing to say.

"NO!" Liam pulled the trigger. 

The bang sounded through out the apartment. Louis screamed as Harry crumbled to the floor. The bullet had hit him straight in the chest. 

"No," Louis cried "st-stay with me, you stay awake focus on me." Louis said taking his shirt off pressing it to the wound and dialling an ambulance.

Liam watched he had this look on his face, Louis couldn't read. Slowly Liam raised the gun to his head, Louis was mid talking on his phone. He looked at Liam and his eyes went wide.

"Liam w-" Louis tryed getting up fast enough but.....

"I'm so sorry." Liam pulled the trigger and he fell to the ground outside, a pool of blood surrounded Liams limp body.

Louis cried hard. He crawled to Liam checking for any signs of life none. His hands were now stained with Liam and Harry's blood. He scrambled back to Harry.

"That's right Haz you're doing a great job." Louis tryed staying strong and together. 

He just saw Liam kill himself and on top of that his boyfriend shot by Liam.   
"I-" Harry winced "I told you not to open that damn door you jack ass." Harry tryed giggling.

Louis half smiled through his tears.

"You know me always stubborn." Louis said.

He was trying so hard to keep it together. Harry's eyes started feeling heavy his blood was forming a blood pool around him as well.

"I f-feel cold Lou." Harry stared at him.

Louis squeezed his eyes together letting tears fall.

"They are coming you hear those sirens?" Louis said trying to keep Harry awake.

Harry blinked trying hard to stay awake but his eyes felt heavy his body felt numb.

"Hey," Louis shook Harry's head gently "I can see them their coming now stay awake for our son."

The paramedics lifted Harry onto the stretcher. Louis was told to stay back with Liam's body because the cops were on the way. He kissed Harry's head over and over.

He took Harry's phone and called Gemma. He knew that Gemma would come, he knew that maybe this was the time Harry needed to make amends. If he- Louis shook his head not wanting to think about that possibility. Gemma picked up.

"Hey baby brother!" she exclaimed through the reciever. 

"Gem-" Louis paused taking a few breaths "Gemma this is Louis."

"Oh hi Louis! How are you?"

"Gemma listen to me, Harry's been shot and as- as they were lifting him onto the stretcher he passed out," Louis felt the tears come again "fucking bloody hell I just need you to come now please. Whether you bring Anne is up to you or not if you think its right then go on. But I just bloody need someone." Louis' eyes landed on Liams now pale almost solid white body.

"Oh my god." Gemma gasped, Louis could hear her crying.

"Go Gemma now!" Louis snapped crying too and hung up.

People came out of their apartments staring at Louis with his body as if it were an exhibit.

"Jesus Christ! Do you have any damn respect!" Louis yelled at them around him.

They all cleared out quick. This was pure hell. For the first time in forever, Louis closed his eyes and went back to his childhood. A good time in his childhood where no bad things ever happened. Back to the time his mum held him closely to her at night when he woke from a nightmare. He wished he could see her at least this time, to be held by someone.

His fingers dialed the familiar number. After a minute of ringing there was no answer. The answering machine answered after, at the beep Louis left a message. 

Hello mum, it's uh Louis.... yeah been forever. Um I was just- I- I just kinda need you right now. Um I know you hate me I dont blame you. I fucked up a lot-

The machine turned off before he could say anymore. His voice was cracking from crying. He hoped like hell his mum would call or something.   
The police officer along with a few others came along not long after the phone call. Louis explained everything from start to finish as best he could. He stood there and watched as they put Liam into a body bag. 

"Excuse me officer?" Louis stopped him just as they were leaving.

"Yes?"

"Are you going to call his parents and tell them?" Louis felt stupid after asking that.

"Yes sir." the officer nodded.

As soon as they left. Louis grabbed everything but didn't bother changing. A diaper bag and stuffed it full of clothes and diapers and what not. He hoped he grabbed everything they would need. He grabbed the carrier.

He sped to the hospital and luckily didn't get pulled over. He frantically ran in with nothing but his PJ shorts on and carrying the diaper bag. He was led to the place where Harry was being operated on and waited outside the door that said SURGERY in big words. He sat on the floor his knees were against his chest, his head down against his knees. A doctor came out and stopped.

"You here for the gentleman inside?"

Louis nodded silently waiting to hear those words.

"Yes well the baby needs to come out before we can do any sort of bullet removal operating on Mr. Styles." the doctor explained. 

Louis exhaled deeply.

"Well is it safe for the baby?" Louis said.

"Mr. Styles is right at 36 weeks. So that is what we call the safe zone in development of the baby. So if we were to do it the baby be fine. The oxygen to the baby however is dire which is why I'd like to have your permission to have him." the doctor said.

"I want to uh be back there for when he comes out please." Louis said.

"I'm the baby's father." Louis said again after silence.

"Okay." the doctor instructed him to wash his hands and everything and to out on scrubs.

He did that and put on a mask. The doctor went back in before he did. He sat down at Harry's head.

"I'm here." he whispered into Harry's ear.

"Alright here we go." the doctor said.

A few minutes later. The doctor broke the mumbles behind the blind.

"Out at 1:58 AM" the doctor said, and the sweet sound filled the room the sound of Williams cry.

The sound Louis had waited so long to hear. One nurse whisked him over to the bed against a wall on the other side of the room. They measured him in at 6 pounds 8 ounces 20 inches long. A healthy baby boy.

The nurse wrapped William up in a blue striped blanket and a blue hat. She brought him over to Louis, who took him immediately. He melted.

The nurse took him to a room which was big enough for three. As he was holding William, some how the tears that had been coming for hours stopped. The worry subsided some but not totally.

William was perfect. 

 

H

e layed William down in the small cot like thing they had in the room.

*beep*

From Niall:

Jesus, I've just heard about it. Are you okay? I can come down there if you want.

To Niall:

Yeah I could use someone.... :(

He hit send and felt his eyes water again. Niall replied back with an okay I'll be right there. Louis sent him the address. A nurse stepped in to check on William.

"M'am?" Louis asked.

"Yes?"

"Do you know anything about my boyfriend? He's been in surgery forever." Louis said.

"Actually darling that's why I'm here they are getting him stitched up right now on his stomach and chest. I've came here to prep the room for him, and-" she stopped seeing he was crying looking at William.

"He will be alright." the nurse assured.

"It's just scary. I'm sorry." Louis apologized taking a deep breath.

William started crying and smacking his lips. 

"What does that mean?" Louis questioned.

"It means he's hungry," the nurse smiled "I'll show you how to feed  
him."

The nurse was kind of old. She was nice, and sweet. She picked up William and showed Louis how to do a bottle.

He sat down and fed William as the nurse prepped everything else for Harry. 

"Mummy will be in here soon." he cooed down at the baby. 

A soft knock sounded on the door. The nurse looked at Louis questioningly. He responded with a nod and she answered the door. It was Niall. 

"Is-" Niall looked at the baby with a sort of admiration "is the baby yours?" 

"Yeah," he half smiled "he's mine and Harry's. He was born this morning at 1:58AM, because Liam shot Harry it was necessary to get him out now." Louis' eyes watered. 

Niall's chest ached so badly he thought he might collapse from the pain. 

"Is Harry okay?" Niall asked hoping for the best. 

He sat down on the empty couch next to where the bed would be. 

"Yeah he will be, they are stitching him up now." Louis put William over his shoulder to burp him. 

The red haired nurse was still straightening things up. Louis patted William's back gently. 

"I'm really sorry about it all though that's horrible that all happened." Niall said moving his thumbs around each other. 

"It's-" Louis started but the door opened. 

In came Harry still out cold on the hospital bed. They locked the wheels in place when they got him in place. The doctor hooked IV's into his hand and arm. The same nurse that was in here since the time he got in there put the oxygen nose piece in Harry's nose. He wandered if Harry knew that Liam was dead or if he too out of it to realize the second shot was one that had killed Harry's best friend. He wondered where the hell Gemma was and who she was bringing with. Louis told her to do what's best. He hoped by telling Gemma to do what's best for her brother was the best thing he could do. 

"Niall, could you please?" he walked over asking him to hold William while he went to talk to the doctor outside the room. 

Niall took the baby nervously but he relaxed when William didn't cry. Once outside the room Louis leaned against the wall and waited for the doctor to start talking. 

"Mr. Styles lost a lot of blood," the doctor began "the bullet went in on the left and broke his shoulder blade on exit. As it seems the amount he lost he was pretty much out of it the whole time, he probably won't remember anything that happened after the time he got shot." 

"So he doesn't know about our son?" Louis asked. 

The doctor shook his head. 

"No." the doctor answered simply. 

"He will be okay though right?" Louis asked. 

"Eventually, I'm no psychologists but I do think he will be traumatized." he said. 

Louis let out a shaky breath leaning his head back against the wall towards the ceiling. 

"I'm sorry." the doctor put a hand on Louis' shoulder before walking down the hall out of sight. 

Louis went back in the room, Niall was still sat on the sofa with William. He looked up noticing Louis. 

"Oh do you want him back?" Niall questioned. 

"No that's okay you can still hold him if you want." Louis waved him off sitting in the reclining chair scooting closer to the bed. 

"What's his name?" Niall questioned. 

"William." Louis said taking Harry's cold hand in between his two warm hands. 

"Oh? That's your middle name isn't it?" 

"Yeah," Louis nodded "Harry wanted him to have my middle name." 

"So I'm guessing his middle name is Harry's first name?" Niall questioned. 

"No, it's Grey and he has my last name." Louis said. 

"It's a good name." Niall said. 

Niall stood up putting William in the cot. 

"You know Louis, you don't have to be strong all the time." Niall said standing in front of Louis. 

"I know," he said looking at Harry "but I need to be for our son and Harry." 

Niall could hear the choke of tears in his voice, he wasn't fooling him. 

"I came here so you could pour it all out, I'm your best friend." Niall said. 

"I know Niall." Louis said now looking down at his lap. 

"Then let it out." Niall said softly. 

"I'm afraid if I do Niall, I won't stop." Louis bit his bottom lip which was trembling with tears that were trying to come. 

"Come on Louis, stop this act." Niall said. 

"You think this is an act?" Louis said looking at him. 

"No Louis, I'm saying-" Niall was cut off by the door opening and him moving so he wouldn't get whacked by it. 

In came Gemma with some brown haired woman and two other men. Louis stayed sat down and he swallowed. 

"I guess I'll go then." Niall said heading to the door.

"Don't, no! Stay." Louis said realizing he would need Niall. 

Gemma's eyes were red from crying, her mother however didn't show anything she stared at Harry with a blank face. It pissed Louis off. The other man closest to the woman next to Gemma had the same expression on his face, but the man next to him showed the same emotion as Gemma. That must be Harry's dad then the other man is Harry's step dad. The woman was obviously his mum. 

Louis' mum however hadn't made any effort what's so ever on getting back to him. It has been four hours since he made that call. 

Gemma came over and hugged Louis for a long beat then stood straight back up. 

"William." Gemma said finally seeing the baby. 

She stood over William admiring the little one. Gemma thought he was absolutely beautiful and perfect. 

"May I?" Gemma asked Louis. 

"Of course you can." Louis said nicely. 

Gemma picked him up and cradled him in her arms. 

"Louis he's perfect." Gemma said smiling through watery eyes. 

"Thank you." Louis said. 

Niall stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets next to Louis. 

It made Louis irritated seeing how unaffected Harry's own mother and step dad were about this. 

Why the fuck did you even come if you seem so unaffected by this? Louis wanted to say. 

"Okay if no one doesn't give a shit about Harry then you can leave this room because your unwelcome and if you're only here about our son then you can leave as well because that's just damn selfish and I won't tolerate it." Louis said after a beat of looking at Anne and her husband. 

 

"I beg your pardon?" Anne said breaking her stare from William and Harry. 

"I ss-" Louis began but Gemma interrupted. 

 

"He said you can go if you don't give a shit about Harry, and if you are only here for William than you can leave as well. I brought you here mother cause I thought you gave a shit about Harry for once in your miserable life but obviously you don't so you and Robin can go." Gemma said sternly. 

Louis raised a brow at how Gemma said it so bravely. Without a word Anne and Robin left the room. They wouldn't be back for a while and Louis knew this. 

"Louis how rude of me," Gemma said forgetting "this is my dad Des. Dad this is Louis Harry's boyfriend and William's father." 

Des extended his hand and shook Louis' free one. 

"Pleased to meet you." Louis said. 

"You too." Des said. 

~

Louis slept in the recliner next to him, his arm was still stretched out holding Harry's hand. Niall was fast asleep on the couch on the other side of the room. Gemma and Des went to a hotel and stayed. It was silent nothing but the beep of the different monitors and the tick of the clock sounded in the room. The warm morning sun leaked through the closed blinds. 

Harry blinked slowly as he woke up. After what seemed like ages but really it was only two good days. He moved his hand but it hurt because the IV. He moved that hand with a wince slowly up to his stomach to feel it. It was some what flat. 

 

 

"W-William." his voice rasped out. 

 

Authors note: 

WOW GUYS! A lot has happened. I want thoughts as always. :) 

How do you think Louis is feeling? Hiding all he is feeling right now. 

How do you think Harry is going to take everything since he just woke up? 

Ahhh little William is finally here! Yay! 

Ignore the painted nails in that last picture cause his nails aren't painted lol. 

Please vote and keep being the amazing readers I love! :)


	16. "I have you"

Louis blinked open his eyes from sleep. 

"L-Louis?" his hoarse voice sounded again. 

Louis sat up quickly leaning over so Harry could see him. 

"I'm here." Louis said. 

Harry rubbed his stomach, as if the searing pain in his shoulder was nothing. He felt the pain in his shoulder and stomach from surgery. 

"William where is he?" Harry almost panicked but Louis kissed him gently on the lips calming him. 

"He's here," Louis nodded towards the cot at the foot of the bed "he's so perfect, and healthy." 

"Let me see him." Harry said. 

"Okay, do you want anything first though, the doctor should have a look at you first?" Louis said unsure if it was a good idea to let him see William. 

"Let me see our son Lou please," Harry begged "I've been shot and my baby was removed while I was out. I want to see him now." Harry ordered.    
Louis silently walked to the cot picking the baby up and bringing him to Harry. Harry's eyes started watering when he saw the baby. He reached out with his arms wanting him but immediately grunted loudly with the pain from the gunshot wound. 

"How about I give him to you, yeah?" Louis suggested. 

"Yeah." Harry said gaining his normal voice back. 

Louis placed William in Harry's good arm. He smiled widely as Harry looked at him with such admiration. He was beautiful. Harry immediately saw Louis in him.  

￼

"I've missed days with you little one, mummy isn't going to miss anymore I promise." he kissed his head gently. 

"I'm going to go let your doctor know your awake." Louis smiled leaning over kissing both his boys on the head. 

Harry looked over noticing Niall was sleeping on the couch. He scrunched his brows at the sight. Why was Niall here? Was there anyone else here apart from him? Oh god what if my mother came. Harry had a million things running through his mind. 

What happened to Liam? Is he okay? He thought about this too. 

Louis came back in with Harry's doctor. 

"Mr. Styles! Brilliant you are awake," the doctor walked closer to Harry "let's have a look." 

Louis took the baby so the doctor could check him over properly. 

After checking him over the doctor said they could go after another day. Harry wanted William back. Since the moment he woke up he's clinged to their son. Niall woke up as they were checking Harry over. 

"Good to see you are awake." Niall smiled. 

He stayed a bit longer afterwards then left. Harry and Louis were again alone. The thought of Liam was still eating at Harry. Louis changed not long after he got in the room with William. He didn't want to tell Harry what happened with Liams blood on him. If he asked that is. 

"Louis?" Harry said. 

Louis looked at him silently. 

"What happened to Liam?" Harry asked. 

"He," Louis paused "I don't know if I should tell you." 

"Louis please." Harry pushed. 

"He shot himself." Louis answered vaguely. 

"Oh he alright?" Harry asked. 

Louis shook his head sadly.  

"No Harry he shot himself in the   
head." Louis felt like it was his fault but he wasn't going to tell Harry that part. 

Harry breathing went shakey as he felt the tears form in his eyes. 

"Why?" Harry started crying. 

Louis went to take William so Harry wouldn't cry on him but Harry moved him slightly. 

"After he shot you he realized what he had done and I tryed to stop him but I couldn't get up in time." Louis felt the lump in his throat. 

"You should have-" Harry stopped himself. 

They sat in silence until a knock sounded on the door. It was rather eager. 

"Come in." Louis said since Harry was silent. 

Gemma and Des came in. Louis looked at Harry, who was still looking at William. He'd been silent for nearly an hour now it worried Louis. 

Louis stood up and grabbed Gemma's arm guiding her out the room. 

"Louis, goodness what's wrong?" Gemma questioned at the action.  

"He hasn't talked since he asked and I told him what happened to Liam." Louis started crying the tears he'd been holding back since Niall came.

Gemma pulled him into a hug. 

"I know my brother, he will be okay. Harry is one that takes things hard, he's too kind and loving for a world like we live in today." Gemma said softly. 

"He won't give me William, he's been smacking his lips for food." Louis said worriedly. 

"Louis," Gemma caressed the boys cheek "why don't you fix the bottle for him yeah? Show Harry how to do it?" she patted his cheek with her thumb. 

"Yeah okay." Louis said nodding. 

"Cheer up yeah? That's all that Harry needs right now is you and William. He's hurting and it may seem he wants to be alone with just William but really Louis he's screaming for you. No matter how much he snaps at you, believe me he doesn't mean it. He's lost someone Louis and when he loses someone close to him like Liam was. It takes time for him." Gemma pulled him into a hug. 

"Thank you Gemma." Louis whispered in hug and pulling away kissing her on the cheek. 

"Come on then." Gemma smiled reaching for the door handle. 

Louis nodded and they went inside. Louis measured the right amount of formula then put the right amount of water in and shook the bottle mixing it together. 

"Hey Haz?" Louis smiled softly, Harry looked up at him silently. 

"He needs to be fed," Louis smiled at William "you see how he's smacking his lips like that? That means he's hungry." Louis explained. 

Harry looked at the baby smacking his lips. 

"Here you go." Louis handed him the bottle. 

Seeing Harry was having a difficult time with getting William situated in order to feed him. He propped a pillow up on Harry's lap. 

"Prop your legs up a little not much so he don't fall then put him against it and feed him." Louis explained. 

Gemma patted his shoulder and he looked at her and she smiled. 

"So Des what do you do?" Louis questioned wanting to get his boyfriends father. 

"Well," he looked at Harry then back at Louis "I'm an accountant." 

"Sounds tricky?" Louis questioned 

He heard William do a spit type of noise. He got up helping Harry burp him. 

"Go on." he said holding William up while Harry patted his back to make him burp or spit up. 

"Well, not unless you know what your doing. You just keep or inspect financial accounts. Sounds boring but to me it is quite fun." Des smiled. 

"I don't think that's something I would ever find myself doing." Louis giggled.

"Well, you're my son's boyfriend what is that you do?" Des playfully smiled. 

"Well I work at a theater at the moment and I dance." 

"Right,  what type of dancing do you do?" 

He looked at Harry then back at Des. 

"Ballet." Louis answered shortly.  

"Like my boy?" Des said with a smile. 

Louis nodded. 

"Yeah." 

"How did you come to meet him?" Des asked. 

"Long story, I'll just say through a good friend." Louis said with Liam in mind. 

Gemma sat on the couch looking at Harry holding William. Harry was fighting something on the inside. Louis could tell. Gemma could tell. 

Tomorrow they get to leave. What if Harry saw the blood stains? What would he do? He wasn't talking now. Liams funeral is in a few days. Louis wasn't going to ask Harry about it until he said something himself. 

Gemma and Des left to go home back to Cheshire.  They both surprisingly got to hold William only for Harry to want him back after. He didn't say anything he just reached out silently. 

It was like William was keeping him from something, some great hurt inside.  The hurt that would totally destroy him. 

"H-hold us." Harry choked out. 

Louis looked up at him, his eyes were filled with plea. He climbed on the bed carefully. He laid back and slid his arms around Harry holding him as tight as he could without hurting him. Harry laid his head against Louis' chest holding William closely to him. 

"Make it better Lou." Harry said softly.  

Louis kissed his head. 

"I wish I could baby, in time it will get better. I'm not going to promise because I don't know for sure what tomorrow holds or the days after that. I'm here and anytime you need me to hold you princess." Louis rocked him gently.

"I need you." Harry said.

"I have you." Louis said softly. 

Harry fell asleep for the first time peacefully. He felt safe and forgot everything in his arms. It was heaven. 


	17. "He wanted to be someone good you know?"

Louis helped Harry change into something cozy and warm. It was March now but in England it was always a little chilly outside, around that time. They wrapped William up in the carrier with a nice blanket. Louis didn't know where he should take Harry. He didn't know if the floor had been replaced from where the blood had stained it. It's been 3 days it should be.

Harry sat in the back with William like they all do for the ride home. The bumps Louis hit made pain shoot through his shoulder causing him to wince. Harry stared at William he could see the feautures of Louis in him.

He had Louis' ears, his mouth, and his beautiful blue eyes. He had Harry's nose, and hair. Little spiral curls made themselves known on the top of his head. It was by any means adorable.

He looked more like Louis which warmed Harry because that's what he wanted for their little boy to look like his father.

"Haz?" Louis said from the front.

"Hm?" Harry replied. 

"Do-do you wanna go back home to the apartment?" Louis said nervously.   
"Do I need to?" Harry said sounding off.

Louis was silent for a beat.

"No, you don't not right now at least but you will have to face it sooner or later." Louis answered softly.

Harry stayed silent. Louis was right he would need to face it, but he just wasn't ready right now. How was he supposed to be able to go see Liam at his funeral? All he felt like right now was hell. His heart ached, it was broken. He lost his best friend.

"I don't know where we go then." Louis said feeling almost helpless.

"We- I mean I can try and go back." Harry said.

Louis swallowed.

"I mean I just don't think I have the money for a room right now." Louis said.

"Take me home then Louis, I can try this for the sake of our money." he said. 

Louis took the turn for the apartments. He hoped the blood had been cleaned up. He turned in the car park pulling in a space.

"Ready?" Louis said reaching for his handle.

"I guess I have no choice but to be." Harry answered. 

Louis opened his door, walking to Harry's and opened it for him. Louis grabbed the carrier. Harry wanted to take the steps so he could slowly get there instead of being flung right into the place.

"You can do this." Louis boasted kissing his cheek and grabbing his hand.

Harry took a deep breath climbing the stairs slowly not only because the incident but the soreness of his stomach plus the pain of his shoulder did not mix well with stairs.

Harry froze at the last flight of stairs, that led up to the floor. Louis gave his hand a squeeze Harry held his hand tighter.

"Deep breath come on baby you can do it I'm right here." Louis said softly.

Harry raised his foot to put it on the stair but put it back down. His eyes began to water and his chest ached even worse. He mustered up the courage and finished those steps.

Louis hopes were dashed when the stain was still there. Right where Liam fell. Surely that meant that the stain of Harry's was still on the floor too.

Harry's eyes froze on the large stain.

"Harry don't look at it." Louis said.

Harry's eyes couldn't move. They were froze as if they were literally stuck. Louis put William down and went to Harry. 

"Whatever your thinking right now don't he did it to himself, he chose to do that to himself." Louis said.

"Then why do I feel like everything in me is broken? Why am I aching so much? Why do I feel crushed?" Harry started crying as he said this.

"Because you feel regret for not forgiving him, for the fact that your forgiveness could have changed what happened." Louis answered pulling him into a hug.

"Leave me please Louis." Harry said looking down.

"Har-"

"Please?" Harry begged through tears.   
Louis sighed and picked the carrier up again. He unlocked the door and stepped inside leaving Harry like he wanted. Carefully he unbuckled William and cradled him in his arms. The blood of Harry's was still there. Louis sighed and went to Williams room getting Williams baby rocker. 

He laid William in it covering him in a blanket  
He laid William in it covering him in a blanket. He got the cleaning stuff and moved William away from the fumes.

He scrubbed the blood as hard as he could and luckily it came out. All that was left was a very faded stain of it barely noticeable. Louis washed his hands and picked up William again laying him on his chest. 

Louis didn't know what he should do. Harry was in denial for something that wasn't really his fault. Louis hated that nothing he seemed to say seemed to make it better for Harry. 

It was a few hours later when Harry finally came back inside. Louis was in the kitchen fixing William his bottle. Once the formula turned to milk he put the nipple in Williams mouth to which William automatically started drinking.

"Haz?" Louis said following him to the bed room.

"No I'm still not okay, but I will be." Harry answered as if he read Louis' mind.

They climbed onto the bed Louis grabbed the nursing pillow and propped William up in it as he continued to feed him.

"I wasn't going to ask that because I know for sure you aren't." Louis said softly.

Harry turned looking at him. 

"He shot me then felt guilty so he shot himself." Harry said.

"I don't know if that was his motive." Louis said throwing a burp rag on his shoulder to burp William.

"I hate that I can't remember anything from that night apart from a flash and a loud noise, and me falling to the floor." Harry said.

"I wouldn't want you to remember any of it baby." Louis said patting Williams back for him to burp. 

William let out a good burp causing Harry and Louis to giggle. 

"I just wish your legs could've moved faster." Harry said sounding sad.

"I know me too but if I had lost you and William I don't know what I would do," Louis said "I didn't want Liam to do that, I hate him for leaving you like that."

Harry laid back against the pillows carefully. Louis was feeding William again.

"I want to go." Harry said after a moment of silence. 

"Go where?" Louis asked.

"His funeral." Harry said bluntly. 

"Are you sure?" Louis looked back at him.

Harry nodded silently. 

"Okay it's in two days. So we have to get someone to watch William if you want." Louis said.

"Yeah okay."

"Anyone in particular?" Louis questioned.

"I would say Gemma but she doesn't live close." Harry said.

"I would say Niall but he's going to the funeral as well." Louis said.

"Guess we'll have to take him with us then."

Louis nodded.

~~~

So came the funeral. Harry and Louis dressed semi nice. Harry settled on a sheer black top that was see through and his black dress pants, with his brown boots. Louis settled on a button down blue shirt with some nice blue jeans and grey shoes.

William was in a plaid button up and gray sweat pants and a grey stocking type of hat.

Walking inside the funeral home Louis had William cradled in one arm and Harry's hand held tightly with his other free hand. Liams mum was sat beside the open casket crying. His dad was stood behind her with his hand on her shoulder.

Harry walked over slowly. He stopped in front of Karen and Geoff. He stretched out his one arm that didn't have a broken shoulder blade. He hugged Karen tightly with his one arm. Karen didn't move to wrap her arms around Harry. 

"I'm so sorry." Harry said avoiding his dead best friend in the casket beside him.

"No apology will ever bring back my boy." Karen said, and Harry pulled away from hugging her.

Louis came up behind them wrapping his free arm around Harry's waist.

"I wasn't apologizing to bring him back Mrs. Payne I was apologizing because of how his life ended so abruptly." Harry said. 

Harry bit bottom lip fighting back tears. 

"He's in a better place now." Louis assured hugging Karen with the one arm and patting Geoff on the shoulder.

Karen was fighting back something Louis could tell it was time for them to move away from them give them space. However, just as they were about to Karen grabbed Harry's bad arm sending pain through Harry's arm and shoulder. 

"They said he was at your flat when all this happened. What did you do to make my boy kill himself? Why would you do that?!" Karen cried. 

"Let go of my arm please!" Harry said as her grip got tighter.

"Karen honey let go of his arm love." Geoff grabbed Karens hand and pulled it off Harry's. 

"I didn't do anything Mrs. Payne." Harry was still fighting the tears. 

"Yes you did! My baby is dead because of you!" Karen cried louder causing everyone to turn their attention that way.

My baby is dead because of you!

The words etched in Harry's mind.

"Karen he did this to himself." Geoff said.

"She's right I did cause this." Harry said crying.

He ran out of the home and outside he kept running his feet were carrying him some where. Harry's eyes stang from the tears.

"Thanks a lot!" Louis spit at Karen.

He walked quickly carrying William closely. He put William in the car. Louis drove where could he be?

Louis drove slowly. He didn't know if he should go home and just wait there or not. Niall had followed him out right on his heels and got in with him.   
"Take me and William to yours and I'll watch him while you look for Harry." Niall said.

Louis nodded and went faster and made it to the flat. He gave Niall the key so he could get in and he watched to make sure they made it up safely. He sped off. He called Harry but he wouldn't answer.

"The dorm!" something said to him.

Louis was at the dorms in no time. He ran up the stairs skipping a couple of steps at a time. He reached the familiar door, twisting the knob he walked in. There he was sat on Liams bed his head hung down his body trembling with tears. It broke Louis' heart seeing how much pain Harry was in.

Something was in his hands but Louis couldn't tell what. He walked over slowly and noticed that what was in his hands was a picture. A framed picture of Liam and Harry it was black and white. It looked like they were on a roof of a sort and Harry's hair was long in the picture.

He stood to the side noticing more pictures  
He stood to the side noticing more pictures. They were scattered every where on the bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were young in some of them. Louis half smiled at the one he saw of Liam being pinned down by Harry.

"We were just boys when we first met me and Li, we were so close." Harry said as his voice cracked.

Louis frowned as his lip started to tremble and tears rolled down his cheeks. The sad, broke sound in Harry's voice sent Louis to tears. 

"This is one of my favorites." Harry held up the black and white one of them two on the roof, "and this too."

" 

 

"We were so close, we parted ways for a while do to problems, but then we bumped into each in college here again." Harry explained. 

"So you two were friends before then?" Louis said through tears. 

Harry nodded.

"He wasn't bad you know," Harry's eyebrows scrunched together as he body began to shake with tears again, "he wasn't bad at all." he hugged the frame and picture to his chest.

"Oh Harry." Louis said feeling his heart ache for his boy.

Louis stayed in front of him leaned against the wall in front the window. Louis wiped away some of the tears from his cheeks. He wasn't certain if Harry wanted to be touched right now.

"He was going to be something good," Harry croaked "he was going to be a doctor. He would of been such a good one too, he cared for people Lou. He really did but something inside him snapped, the Liam that did this wasn't the Liam I knew."

Louis kept listening.

"It's my fault Louis all my fault! If I hadn't of fallen in love with you and left him or seen through it all from the start he'd be alive right now," Harry almost yelled "if I had of given him the time he begged for, if I had of listened to him and let him explain. He would still be here." his voice turned into a rasp.

Louis didn't really know what to say, or where to start. He took a breath and figured where and began.

"You know those pages I told you that I didn't you to see in my journal?" Louis said. 

Harry nodded.

"Well come with me please, I want to read one to you." Louis said extending his hand.

Harry took it and turned gathering the pictures and one of Liams sweatshirts that smelled like him. Louis led him out to his car.

"I'll take you some where special." Louis said.

Harry didn't let go of his hand as Louis reached and wiped away his tears. He kissed his forehead letting his lips rest there a beat before pulling away and starting the car. Harry slid over and rested his head on Louis' shoulder.

"Wait!" Harry said noticing William wasn't there "where's Will?"

"He's okay he's with Niall at ours." Louis said rubbing Harry's knee. 

He pulled into the familiar gravel road that took you to the old warehouse. He turned off the engine and they slid out but Louis reached in the glovebox of his car and pulled out a roll of paper that was tied up.

"Come on." Louis said with a soft smile.

Harry took his hand again and he led him inside. They layed down on the cot and covered their legs with a blanket. Harry put his head on Louis' shoulder and listened. Louis rummaged through the pages finding the one he was looking for.

"Here it is." Louis smiled.

He began reading.

"Dear journal,  
You remember that bet I told you about? Yeah? The one where... well I called it off. I fell in love with him not during it. Not after. Before it all happened. The first time I saw him when I walked into the dorms to meet Liam. I fell in love, he was beautiful, and so cute the way he had his hand through his long hair trying frustrated about something he was working on. I found myself watching him as the others picked on Liam. I looked away when he caught me. I didn't have a clue about what was going to happen that same day. I knew then I would need to take the bet for myself to keep him safe. I fell for him the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.-John Green.

Louis rolled the paper back up he turned to look at Harry.

"Why did you read that to me?" Harry questioned.

"Because that last line not only because of that other reasons too." Louis said.

Harry looked up at him.

"I'm still confused." Harry said scrunching his brows together. 

"I think the reason Liam was for the bet was because of me."

"You?"

Louis nodded.

"Yeah, he knew the moment I took that bet it was for you and only you. Not for some nasty reason. Why did he go off like this I don't know why did he kill himself I don't know. Why did he turn on you I don't know. I explained why I took the bet to him. Not long after that he went all weird." Louis said.

"He didn't feel something for me did he?" Harry questioned.

"I think so." Louis said.

"I could've never loved him the way I love you." Harry said.

"Even then?"

"No not even then. I loved him like a brother and you I love you so much." Harry smiled.

"Ahh there's that smile I've been itching to see." Louis pecked Harry's nose with a kiss.

"I love you." Harry said softly.

"I love you most." Louis said.

"I know that Liam never meant this," Harry said "I saw an envelope on his night table and it had my name on it. I just don't think I can read it without breaking down again."

Harry pulled a folded envelope out of his pocket. Showing it to Louis. 

"Don't read it then if you don't want to." Louis said. 

"I want you to read it to me." Harry said.

"Harry that's your business though." Louis said.

"Please." Harry begged.

"Okay if you want me to." Louis said.

"I think I'll be able to bear if I hear you saying it verses hearing Liams voice in my head saying it." Harry admitted.

Louis envelope and began reading.

 

Authors note:

Woah! Lot of stuff has happened. Few more things are ahead as well!   
Right so thoughts!

What do you think about everything?

How do you think Harry is going to do?

What do you think Liam had to say in the letter?

Liams mum what about her the way she was to Harry?

Keep reading and voting! :)


	18. "So I'm a bitch?"

"Harry,

I was hoping you'd be the one to find this. I didn't know how I felt about you being with him until I actually saw you two in it. I want you for myself and if I can't have you then that's it."

The letter ended with that.

"He should have told me before any of this. None of this would of happened if he would of just talked to me." Harry said.

"He went very far to doom things for us that's for sure." Louis said.

Harry kissed his lips. Louis tasted the salt of tears from Harry and pulled back.

"What's wrong?" Louis questioned caressing his cheek.

"I just can't believe he did that to you and I hate that I was so clueless that I couldn't stop it." Harry cried.

Louis wiped his tears away.

"That was for you, I'd do it again if it meant keeping you and our son safe. I hated every second of it felt so dirty afterwards but it was for you and our baby." Louis said kissing his forehead.   
Louis rummaged around in a pile of cd cases pulling out a disk holding it the air. It read Let It Be Me by Ray Lamontagne. Louis put the disk in a small player in the corner.

"Dance with me?" Louis said softly. 

"This is the first time you've ever asked me to dance properly." Harry smirked. 

"Can't a man dance with his boyfriend?" Louis joked.

"I suppose so." Harry smiled. 

Louis pecked his lips hitting the restart button. They rocked back and forth to the song. Louis twirled Harry around. 

"You hear the words?" Louis whispered.

"No I wasn't paying any attention." Harry said.

"Listen," Louis said and started singing to Harry the words "Now, I remember all too well, just how it feels to be all alone, you feel like you'd give anything for just a little place you can call your own," Louis hummed the beat and finished the lyric "let it be me dear god let it be me."

Harry interrupted his singing by putting his lips on Louis'. Harry let the words of the song fill the kiss with words he couldn't quite figure out or say.

"Let it be me." Harry said against Louis' lips.

"Let it be me." Louis smiled and kissed him.

They continued rocking back and forth holding each other closely. Harry did a ballerina spin and Louis caught him, lifting him by the waist Harry bent his leg at the knee and extended the other straight back. Putting one arm back with the straight leg. Louis did a swift spin gently putting him down.

"You are better at Ballet then I thought." Harry smiled. 

"I only dance like that for you." Louis said. 

"I miss my baby." Harry pouted his lip.

"But I'm right here." Louis joked.

"I mean Will." Harry crossed his arms.   
"I wanted to do more than just dance and make you feel better." Louis whined like a child.

"Come on casanova we got a parenting job to do. Maybe tonight?" Harry raised a brow teasingly. 

"Ay I might take you up on that." Louis winked.

Harry was beyond thankful that he had someone like Louis. Louis had a way of making him happy when he wasn't even trying. Even when he didn't want Louis there and just wanted to be alone he some how changed his mood then and there.

~

Once back home the two noticed Niall was fast asleep. It was a little late 10:30pm to be exact. William was in his rocker fast asleep too, Harry picked him up carefully and carried him back to their room putting him in his cot.

They decided to just let Niall stay over since he wasn't much of a bother and he watched William for a few hours for them.

"See we could have stayed out longer," Louis kissed Harry's shoulder "all was well."

"Well I missed William." Harry said with a raised brow.

"Hm." Louis said. 

"The doctor said there's not much we can do being I have a broken shoulder blade." Harry said motioning to the sling his arm was in.

"There's plenty," Louis smirked "let's see you can ride me, I can blow you, you can blow me, we can just make out and fond until we come."

Harry's breathing hitched a little.

"That sounds," Harry cleared his throat "that sounds nice."

"Ay." Louis said with a knowing grin.

"It's been ages since we've done anything," Harry said as Louis started kissing down his neck seductively, "mmm." he moaned.

"Does princess like that?" Louis said rolling Harry's shirt up to kiss his chest and down.

"Y-yes." Harry breathed.

Louis continued his assault and kissed along the waist of Harrys pants.

"What do you want to do?" Louis questioned looking up at Harry. 

"Fuck." Harry said quickly.

Harry was hard and aching for some pleasure. He's been wanting this for ages. Louis was throbbing in his pants, he felt a little awkward having their son in the room with them as they had sex.

"This is so weird." Louis giggled.

"Wh-what is?" Harry bit his lip.

"Doing this with Will in here." Louis smiled.

"Put him in his room with the monitor until we are done." Harry said.

Louis nodded flipping on the monitor and grabbing the other putting it at Williams feet. He carried William with his cot into his room and left the door open. Going back to their room directly across.

"Okay?" Louis questioned.

"Yeah." Harry said with a nod.

Louis shut the door to a small crack so if Niall got up he wouldn't see anything. Louis crawled on the bed eager. Louis planted sloppy and fast kisses all over. Harry stopped Louis as he went to pull his shirt off.

"What's wrong?" Louis asked confused and dropped his hands from his shirt. 

"Last time we did this I didn't look like the Frankenstein." Harry looked down at his stomach where the small inflamed healing incision was covered by his shirt.

"Don't cover up for me, don't be ashamed of something beautiful like that," Louis grabbed the bottom of Harry's shirt lifting just enough to reveal the spot, "that little spot is just like your unique spot it brought something wonderful into this world. It brought us William. Don't ever think it's ugly cause it's not." Louis said softly.

He pressed a kiss onto Harry's cheek. Harry leaned into Louis' kiss.

"Yeah?" Louis said.

Harry nodded with a soft expression on his face.

"I don't want sex Lou I want love." Harry reminded him off the first time they had made love.

Louis went back to that day remembering how breathtaking Harry's inked skin looked in the light of that day. How absolutely beautiful his face looked when he admired him. The day William was made.

Harry and Louis peeled each others clothes off gently. Each looked at each other for beat taking each other in. Harry pulled Louis closer to him.

"Now kiss the hell out of me you fool!" Harry said giggling. 

Louis giggled and kissed Harry as he wanted. He kissed down his neck and gently across the mark he called ugly.

"Beautiful." Louis said kissing the mark again, "this is beautiful too." Louis said kissing Harry's unique spot.

"I love you." Harry whispered. 

Louis put on a condom and lube, and slid into Harry. Harry winced at the pinching. It had been so long it almost felt like the first time all over again. Louis thrusted into him more neatly and carefully. It wasn't rough it was intimate.

"Kiss me please." Harry begged.

Louis' trembling lips met Harrys over and over in soft little pecks. Kisses everywhere Harry yearned for them at. Harry's hand found his own length and began pumping. Louis could feel him tense underneath him, he angled differently and it sent Harry over the edge. He comed not long after Harry moaning Harry's name.

"Harry?" Louis said after they gathered themselves up some.

"Hm?"

"I don't want to make love everytime you know?" Louis questioned.

"We agreed before Lou that we should all the time." Harry said.

"No?" Louis scrunched his brows "we didn't." he crossed his arms.

"Why are you getting all defensive?" Harry said feeling the tensity between them.

"I'm not, I'm just saying that I don't want to make love all the time it doesn't seem real." Louis said. 

"I'm not talking about this with you right now." Harry said getting on his boxers the best he could.

He pulled on some sweatpants and held his arm that was in pain.

"You are being a b-" Louis stopped.

"What were you about to call me?" Harry said annoyed.

Louis remained silent. 

"What were you going to call me?!" Harry yelled.

"I was going to call you a bitch because that's what your being right now!" Louis yelled back.

"Oh I'm a bitch because I don't want to have sex as often as you?" Harry yelled.

"Yeah you are!"

Williams cry rang through the monitor. Louis went to go but Harry stopped him. 

"Don't you dare touch him!" Harry said infuriated.

Harry stormed out the room into Williams picking him up then shutting the door in Louis' face locking it.

"Open the door Harry I'm sorry." Louis sounded sad.

Harry felt the tears stream down his face. He sat down in the rocker rocking William. He needed to be fed.

"Oi what's going on?" Niall questioned from the end of the hall.

"Nothing Niall." Louis shrugged walking back in the room.

"Why do you treat him like that?" Niall asked following him in.

"I don't mean to." Louis looked down.

Williams door creaked open and Harry came out walking to the kitchen. Louis went to follow him but Niall put an arm out stopping him.

"I don't think that's such a good idea right now he needs himself right now. I heard every word and it didn't sound too good." Niall said.

"It's never good when I argue with him." Louis said shrugging on a coat and his vans.

"Where you going?" Niall questioned.   
Harry walked back by with a bottle and shut the door locking it again. Louis turned his head looking at the door.

"To give him space so he won't hold himself up in there like that." Louis said as his voice shook.

"Louis don't do anything stupid." Niall urged when he saw a familiar old look Louis made when he wanted a drink. 

"I've done enough stupid things in my life enough for the both of us to go straight to hell." Louis said before turning and walking out. 

"Drinking isn't always the solution." Niall said from the doorway.

"I'm not going for a bloody drink!" Louis snapped slamming the door behind him. 

Niall shook his head before turning and knocking gently on the door where Harry was. 

"What?" 

"I was wondering if you are okay?" Niall said. 

Harry got up unlocking the door and cracking it open for Niall to come in. He went and sat right where he has been for the last 20 minutes. 

"Thank you for watching him by the way." Harry said his eyes were red from all the hard crying. 

"It was no problem." Niall shrugged. 

"Where did you learn to take care of kids?" Harry said trying to keep his mind from the earlier incident. 

"I got a nephew back in Ireland I would sometimes watch him for my brother and his wife." Niall said. 

"Oh." Harry replied simply. 

"Could you please burp him for me?" Harry questioned. 

"Of course." Niall threw the burp cloth over his shoulder and burped William. 

"Here," Harry handed him the bottle "You finish feeding him I need a shower." 

Niall nodded and sat in the chair. 

~ 

Louis layed down on the cot in the old warehouse, he pulled a picture up on his phone of Harry holding William with so much pride and adoration. His beautiful smile brought the whole picture together. He brought up the options and set it as the lock screen on his phone. His background was Harry kissing him on the cheek. 

To Hazza: 

Hi princess ;) I just wanted to let you know I'm not doing anything bad. I'm at the warehouse. I love you so much. 

Harry's feelings were hurt immensely by what happened. He read the message and reluctantly replied. 

To Lou: 

Come home.... we should talk this out. I love you most. 

No matter how hard Harry tried to be mad at Louis no matter the reason. He couldn't stay mad long. He saw Louis in William and he didn't want William to not have his father. He wasn't working this out for William however, he was working it out for himself. He needed Louis and Louis needed him. William needed them maybe not now but he would later. 

Just as Louis was about to leave his phone rang. He looked down at the number and was shocked. 

"Hello?" he answered. 

"L?" 

 

Authors note: 

WOW it's been ages since an update I'm so sorry! 

Anyway this ending I'm not too sure of it but I think I can kind of make it work. 

Who do you think it is on the phone? Do you think Louis and Harry will work it out? 

I take preferences any ? 

Vote and read.


	19. "That's the thing about love"

Louis listened to the rigid breathing of the person on the other end. The person wouldn't speak for minutes. Finally Louis broke the silence.

"Mum?" Louis spoke.

"L, I've been trying for so long to call you but I couldn't will myself to until now." his mum said, she sounded sad in a way.

"We haven't talked since that day." Louis said sitting back down on the cot.

"I," she paused "I know L I know. Do you think we could meet up or something?" Jay asked nervously.

"I'm your son mum not Justin Bieber don't be so nervous talking to me." Louis said with a sigh.

"Nervous is all I am right now, you well the last time I saw you, you brought nothing but nerves when you came around and-" she stopped before saying anything else.

"You don't need to be mum I've changed." Louis said softly.

"Oh." Jay replied simply.

"Course you wouldn't know, you would have if you came when I needed you the first time I called." Louis tried keeping his cool.

He remembered standing outside the apartment with Liams body and hearing the sirens fade away carrying the only person he ever loved.

"I'm sorry Louis."

"I'll talk to Harry mum I'd like you to meet him and our son." Louis said ignoring her apology.

He wasn't accepting any pity apology because that's all that one was pity because she felt sorry for not being there for him when he needed her.

"You two have a son?" his mother questioned.

"Yes, he's wonderful. I'd love for you to meet him as well." Louis said.

"When?" she asked.

"Like I said let me talk to Harry and I will probably text you and tell you when and where. I'm supposed to be home right now with him but you called so." Louis said.

"Oh right then, get home to him then get back to me." Jay said.

"Right mum I'll talk to you later then." Louis said.

"I love you." his mum said.

Louis hung up hearing the words, he would believe that once she showed it.

Louis arrived back Harry was sat on the couch watching TV William was in his cradle and Niall was gone.

"Hey," Louis said awkwardly "where's Niall?"

Harry looked up at him silently patting the spot next to him. Louis sat down and leaned back getting comfortable Harry leaned into him and Louis wrapped his arm around him gently. Harry rested his head on his chest.

"He's gone back to his." Harry said.

Louis nodded.

"I didn't mean to say what I did earlier. I love making love to you baby I really do it's just I don't want making love to be every time we want to be intimate."

Harry shook his head.

"Lou, I don't want to make love every time either we that was just ridiculous. I deserved to be called a bitch I admit."

Louis giggled pecking the boys head.

"You are far from a bitch princess." Louis said softly.

"That was a great talk we had so serious." Harry laughed and Louis did as well.

"Now I do have something serious to talk about." Louis swallowed.

"When you say it's serious it must really be so out with it." Harry said sitting up.

"Well as I was leaving the warehouse to come back after you texted back. My mum called." Louis explained.

"Your mum called you? Is that why it took so long? What did she want?" Harry rambled.

"Nothing really, a bunch of shit," Louis paused a moment looking at William contemplating on taking him to meet his mum, "she wants to see us well me originally but I told her I wouldn't without you or William."

"How much did you tell her?" Harry said leaning back con Louis.

"Not much." Louis responded bluntly.

"I don't want our son getting between all this drama with our families you know?" Harry said.

Louis looked at the peaceful innocent bundle in the cradle.

"I don't either."

"So if you want to go meet your mum go for it but our son isn't until you two are on absolute good terms."

"He's my son too I can say who he sees and doesn't too." Louis said.

"Louis calm down okay. I just think it's best he doesn't until it's sorted." Harry said calmly.

Louis huffed in irritation getting off the couch walking outside onto the balcony sitting down.

Harry was aggravated and pissed off because of how Louis was behaving, especially towards him. He had done nothing but be a protective mum and state his feelings freely. Was that why Louis was so off. He demanded to know why Louis was acting like this.

"Louis," he said leaning on the railing of the balcony "what's wrong with you?" he put a hand on his hip.

"You." Louis said plainly.

"You're unbelievable." Harry threw his hand up smacking his thigh bringing it back down.

Harry wasn't going to have it.

"You're in the dog house you're sleeping on the couch." Harry said leaving him there.

He scooped up William and went to bed locking the door behind him. His feelings were hurt and all he felt like right now was rubbish. He put William in his cradle and stripped down to his boxers. Crawling into bed he took Louis' pillow and hugged it closely to him letting his tears stain the fabric.

The door knob jiggled and Harry hugged the pillow tighter. The door opened, Louis put the card back in his wallet that he used to pick the lock.

"If your here to hurt my feelings more then leave." Harry said.

Louis stayed silent he was crying as well. He crawled onto the bed and laid next to him. He put his head in the crevice of Harry's neck, Harry felt Louis' tears roll down his neck.

"I'm so sorry I've been such a dick to you  
"I'm so sorry I've been such a dick to you. You were right I shouldn't bring William into things until I know for certain."

"This isn't about him."

Louis remained silent.

"Here lately you've done nothing but hurt my feelings. I've done nothing but say what I feel is right and you've just spat in my face." Harry cried harder.

He buried his face into the pillow slightly.

"Baby I keep hurting you and it killsme. I need you, god I fucking need you." Louis cried into Harry's back.

"What have I done Louis?" Harry asked sadly.

He sat up staring at their baby.

"Nothing." Louis answered.

"I've done something Louis and whatever it is I'm so sorry," Harry squeezed the pillow standing up facing the boy "yell at me Louis, scream in my face, do anything to make you feel better towards me just don't hate me."

Louis shook his head.

"You've just-" Louis stopped.

"Louis I swear if you don't tell me what your thinking I'm going to leave with William." Harry said starting to get some clothes packed.

"It's just sometimes you can be a grown up and it's really annoying how you boss me now." Louis admitted.

"I have no choice but to be a grown up Louis, our son came, this apartment came. Someone had to put the pants on and step up so here I am." Harry continued packing his bag.

"Be the grown up to William not me." Louis said with a tone.

"I have been." Harry said and zipped the bag of clothes shut.

"What are you doing?" Louis asked when Harry started putting his pants on.

"Leaving." Harry said simply.

"But you said if I told you what I was thinking you wouldn't." Louis said.

"Well for fuck sakes Harry I can't not hurt you. I'm not perfect never have been and I never will be. I can't please you like you want, your stubborn as hell and I fucking love you," Louis got off the bed and pushed Harry against the wall gently "that's the thing about love, you have to spend a lifetime proving to someone their worth and love that you have for them." Louis pressed his forehead against Harry's. 

"Louis." Harry whispered. 

"Losing you would be like living without rain," Louis caressed his face "it be impossible." 

Harry loved this boy, his heart belonged to Louis and he knew it. No matter how hard he tried to deny it. He couldn't. Louis was the rain that Harry needed and Harry was the shelter Louis needed from the storms in his life. They both knew it, that the life they had before was something small to them. Only because of each other. The life they had now was caught up by the past. The past they thought they had conquered came back and bit them. But the past only brought them to each other. The inevitable they thought they could ignore wasn't easy to ignore now. 

Louis pressed his lips to Harry's moving them slowly in sync with his. Louis grabbed Harry's hair pulling it slightly. 

"Lou." Harry said. 

It was night out and the only light they had to go by was the moon streaming through the blinds. It was rather beautiful. Louis knocked the bag from Harry's shoulder pulling him to the bed. Harry climbed on top of the boy. 

"I love you, I love you, I love you." Louis repeated as the kiss deepened. 

Louis flipped them around and trailed kisses down Harry's neck and back up. 

"God I love you." Harry could taste the salt of Louis' tears. 

Harry could feel himself hardening against Louis' bum. It drove Harry crazy and for the first he wanted to fuck Louis.

"Louis can I?" Harry asked between the heated kiss. 

"Go on come baby." Louis said. 

"No Lou I mean fuck you." Harry said awkwardly. 

"Are, are you sure?" Louis asked. 

"I may have one girl part inside me but that doesn't stop the male parts of me that want to fuck you sometimes." Harry giggled. 

Louis giggled as well. Louis always wanted Harry to fuck him but he never imagined it actually happening the thought drove him crazy as he attacked Harry's lips with great pleasure. Louis peeled the pants back off of Harry taking the boxers off with them. He was already naked with in a second of getting Harry's off. Harry flipped them around and kissed Louis down his body slowly, grazing his tongue along his length. Louis' back bucked off the bed. 

"Fuck." Louis moaned. 

"One sec," Harry hopped off the bed swiftly and moved William to his room grabbing the monitor placing it on the table before grabbing a condom from the drawer of his night table, "shall we." 

Harry slid on the condom and prepped Louis. He pumped two fingers in and out slowly at first then fast. When he earned a good begging moan from Louis he stopped. 

"Are you ready?" Harry questioned. 

Louis nodded quickly licking his lips. Harry laid on his back and prompted Louis to get on top. Louis straddled his lap and rose up. Louis slowly lowered down on his length. Wincing at the pinch he felt. Harry looked at Louis whose eyes were pinched shut until he stuck in as much as he could. 

"Fuck!" Louis moaned loudly before moving up and down slowly. 

Harry threw his arms around the boy and gripped him tightly

Harry threw his arms around the boy and gripped him tightly. 

"Sh-shit." Harry growled and instructed Louis to go faster and he did. 

"Oh god." Louis breathed as he did as he was told. 

The quick movement sent both over the edge. Harry vigorously kissed Louis and felt himself tense and he felt Louis tense. It was a matter of seconds before they both came undone. Harry angled himself differently and moved faster. Louis tensed up. 

"Harry oh my god." Louis moaned as he came undone. 

Harry watched and came undone not long after. They fell next to each other in a panting mess. 

"That was," Harry paused "that was amazing." 

Louis wiped his eyes. 

"Babe why are you crying did I hurt you? You should of told me to stop." Harry rambled. 

"No you didn't hurt me," Louis rolled over facing Harry "what just happened I've never seen you so careful and worried about me in our entire relationship." 

Harry smiled at the boys words. It was true the whole time Harry kept his eyes right on Louis and was gentle even when he went fast. 

"I was nervous." Harry admitted. 

Louis pecked his cheek and smiled softly. 

"I'm going to go get the baby." he smiled before hopping off the bed and sliding on some sweats. 

He returned with the baby and put him in his usual spot which was on Harry's side in his small cradle. Harry opened his arms and Louis went right in them. 

The way Harry held Louis said everything

The way Harry held Louis said everything. Louis started to drift off. 

"I know I haven't told you before but I don't want to lose you either." 

That was the last thing Louis heard before drifting off in his arms. 

What did Jay want to see Louis for so suddenly? Harry thought. It bothered Harry so suddenly because he didn't want Louis hurt. He didn't want his mum to hurt him the same way Anne hurt him. The pain from that was horrible and he didn't want Louis to feel it too, but you won't know until you try. Harry was going to let Louis talk to his mum he wasn't going to be selfish. He went to sleep hoping for the best. 

 

 

Authors note: 

Wow that update took ages I hope it's not too bad or boring..... I can't believe Jay is gone! She was such a lovely person and none of us had the slightest clue! RIP Jay. 

No new songs as of right now. 

Errr 

So I don't know how I want this to go... I had it all planned with Jay and Louis but in a way I feel if I make it some way of fighting with them like I planned it be wrong for Jay. So I'm thinking of making it for real like what happened with Jay kinda. I don't know though. UGH! HELPP in need of ideas!


	20. Perhaps Forever

"Looks like your all healed Mr. Styles." The doctor said taking off the cast.

"That's great." Harry said.

It had already been a few months since the incident and it was hard to believe. Harry hadn't visited Liam's grave at all since the funeral. In fact the day he ran out was the last time he did see Liam's casket. He found out that he was buried in Wolverhampton, his hometown. That was a couple of hours away from London. On days Harry would catch himself in a daydream of him with Liam being absolute kids. He realized he still did miss Liam. After all he was his best friend.

William was 3 months and Harry still wouldn't let Jay see him. He had met Jay the other week leaving Will with Niall. She was sweet and took to Harry after some usual questions you get from a parent. Harry closed his eyes going back to the day.

"Why did you suddenly want to see me mum?" Louis asked sounding some what irritated.

Harry glared at him, Louis being Louis however shrugged him off and looked at his mum sternly. 

"Cause L," Jay started.

"Don't call me L you called me that when you and Dad would fight and you needed me, so unless I know this isn't some bull shit then you can call me that!" Louis stated.

"Okay Louis I wanted to see you because I-" Jay paused nervously.

"Cause you what?!" Louis pushed.

Harry placed a hand on his thigh telling him to take it easy but Louis being an ass moved his hand and continued. Jay was crying.

"I'm," Jay took a deep breath "I thought you would like to know that," she paused trying to get courage, "that I forgive you for what you did to your sister and I miss my boy."

Louis sat back, his arms crossed over his chest. Harry gave Louis a look telling him to chill out.

"Something tells me that's not true." Louis huffed.

"Believe what you want Louis but I do. I got help lots of counseling just to say that to you L, I prayed every night to find forgiveness for you in my heart." Jay was crying now and Harry reached over caressing her hand.

"This is bullshit fucking shit!" Louis hissed getting angrily making the chair he was sitting in at the table flip backwards.

Everyone in the place stared and Harry could see how absolutely humiliated and gutted Jay was. Louis stormed out the restaurant and left them there.

"Jay I'm so sorry he promised he wasn't going to be like this." Harry said lowly.

He noticed all the eyes that was staring them down and Jay was hiding her face from everyone. Her elbows were on the table and her face was hidden by her hands.

"What about a little bit of respect yeah?" Harry said to the people looking.

They all went back to what they were doing. Harry picked up the flipped chair and apologized to the workers for the disturbance. Harry payed the bill and saw Jay off giving her a tight hug.

"Don't worry Johannah you will get your boy back." he whispered in her ear as they hugged.

"Thank you." Jay said softly as she kissed his cheek.

He pulled back opening the car door for her he could see a quite pissed Louis in beside their car. He watched as Jay pulled away out of the car park before disappearing down the road. He walked cautiously towards Louis.

"I don't know if I should yell at you or not." Louis said with a angry tone.

"Oh for god sakes!" Harry said throwing up his hands.

"Don't god sakes me there is no sale here!" Louis said.

"I was just being-" Harry began but was cut off.

"Yeah you were just being too fucking nice to people who don't deserve it! Your too fucking friendly Harry! She didn't mean what she said!" Louis yelled.

"Yes she did Louis." Harry said calmly.

"What do you know?!" Louis said rounding the car to Harry standing in front of him.

"She meant what she said Louis a woman doesn't cry for nothing. You just walked all over her she was really trying Louis." Harry said still neutral.

"Fucking shit that is! You walked all over me when you comforted her! Acting all nice and caring for someone who shut me out and just decided to take me back! That's bullshit!" Louis pointed a finger at Harry.

"At least I care Louis! I care about how people feel and how they ought to be treated! She's your mother Louis!" Harry finally snapped.

"Fuck you and your antics get in the car I'm done talking about this!" Louis spit. 

"Your a coward Louis." Harry started walking off.

Louis chased after him grabbing his wrist.

"Where are you going?" Louis said.

"Away from you until you calm down maybe I'll just catch a bus." Harry said.

"Fine then go you won't be the first to leave me alone!" Louis cried.

"Why do you think so many people have left you alone?" Harry said sternly.

Louis remained silent.

"It's because you like to push the ones who truly love you away and if you keep doing that you'll wind up alone." Harry said.

Louis sat down on the curb bringing his knees to his chest. Harry sat next to him. Louis put his head on Harrys shoulder. Harry rested his head on Louis'.

"I love my mum." Louis said lowly.

"She loves you Louis just like my mum does me. Even though I haven't talked to her totally shut her out and she's been horrible to me I will always love her." Harry said softly.

Louis nodded.

"Forgive her Louis maybe not now but forgive her that's what she needs." Harry said.

~

"Harry?" Louis said snapping Harry out of his daze.

Harry shook his head turning his attention to the boy.

"Yes?"

"You okay there?" Louis asked.

"Yeah good just was daydreaming." Harry admitted.

"About what?"

"You."

"What about me?" Louis smirked.

"Not about what your thinking, I just got to thinking about the day I met your mum and everything." Harry said picking up William.

"And?"

"And nothing, really it's just you haven't talked to her since then."

"Come on Haz don't make me do it," Louis said looking down then back up "I promise I'll do it when I'm ready."

He leaned over pecking Harry's lips.

"I promise."

Louis did miss his mum. Forgiving her was a task. Louis needed to hear something from her something that would grant her forgiveness.

"What's this your cooking?" Louis looked at the green food with disgust.

"Something you'll never eat." Harry said with a giggle giving William to Louis.

"You got that right." Louis said quickly smacking Harry's bum before running into the living room with a cheesy grin.

"Not in front of William." Harry said pointing the spatula at him.

"Watch where you point that thing." Louis said with raised brow.

"You hungry?" Harry questioned with a happy smile as he shoveled his food onto a plate.

"Yes very." Louis said rocking the baby to sleep.

Harry saw the cuteness that was in front of him and snapped a quick picture.

He posted it to Instagram saying little man fast asleep on daddy ❤️

He posted it to Instagram saying little man fast asleep on daddy ❤️

Harry smiled at the gorgeous baby in Louis' arms.

"He has your chin Lou." Harry leaned over smiling.

"He does indeed I've not noticed until now." Louis smiled at the baby with adoration.

Harry pecked Louis' lips.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked.

"You." Louis said with a cheeky smile.

Harry swatted at him.

"Food Louis food quit being naughty." Harry said.

Louis laughed quietly careful not to wake William.

"What do we have that is Louis good?" Louis said with a grin.

Harry went to the kitchen searching.

"Pizza, mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, chicken, potatoes." Harry said turning to face him again.

"Uh I'll have chicken and mac &cheese."

"Baked or fried?" Harry said.

"Baked." Louis said.

Harry has missed Ballet he hadn't danced since he really hurt his foot. He missed the rest of that semester and hadn't really talked to Mrs. Bramble. He wasn't sure if he would get accepted back if Mrs. Bramble learned that her top student dropped out cause he got pregnant with some frat boy.

Louis isn't just some college frat boy to me. I just have to explain a lot has happened that's all.

"Lou?" Harry said pouring the noodles into the pot.

"Yes?" Louis said laying William in his pack and play covering him with a blanket.

"So I haven't danced since I really hurt my foot and I really miss it and was thinking about calling Ms. Bramble or meeting with her about joining back." Harry said nervously. 

"Don't you want to stay here and take care of Will I mean I work and everything." Louis said with a shrug. 

"Louis you know just as much as myself that that's my passion. Don't rob that from me." Harry said with a shake of his head. 

Louis watched him stir the noodles. 

"I don't think I mean what about William? A babysitter will cost a good bit if you get a good one that's trusty and all." Louis said. 

"I can take him with me on some days, you see it's not just dance, I want to get back into it's my classes too." Harry explained. 

"Where are you spitting the money up for that? Your parents aren't paying for it like they did your first semester." Louis questioned. 

"Well I hope that I have enough saved up for just one semester." Harry said taking the chicken out the oven. 

Louis grabbed the right strainer for Harry and handed it to him. 

"It's hard enough paying for this." he motioned to the apartment. 

"I'm not asking for your money Louis that's for you and William and that's it." Harry shrugged mixing the mac and cheese together. 

Louis stayed silent. If Harry could pay for it himself along with a babysitter when needed then so be it. Harry fixed his plate and handed it to him putting his dinner in a to go bowl and grabbed a fork for it. 

"I'm going out do you think you could manage William for a bit?" Harry questioned. 

"Where are you going?" Louis questioned spooning some mac and cheese into his mouth. 

"I'll be back soon." Harry smiled pecking his lips. 

"Are you getting me something?" Louis smirked.

"No visiting some where." Harry said before kissing Williams head gently and leaving. 

It was bad to lie some what to Louis about going somewhere because he was going somewhere but it wouldn't take him a bit to get there. He was going to Wolverhampton but the drive from London to Wolverhampton is 2 hours and some minutes. Harry would have to stay the night and visit in the morning being the time it is now. He couldn't stand it anymore he stopped as he was pulling out the car park of the apartments and called Louis. 

"Haz."

 

"Lou, pack your bags for a day and get William set too. I was going to go to Liams hometown but I couldn't by myself, not without you." Harry spoke. 

"Okay, be down soon." Louis seemed to be smiling Harry could sense it and that was a good thing. 

He pulled back around and parked by the sidewalk waiting for Louis to come. He forgot about the bowl and fork he had brought and quickly ran back up as Louis was walking down. He quickly rinsed it and got back to the car. 

"When did you plan to do this?" Louis questioned calmly. 

"As I was fixing your dinner." Harry replied simply. 

"Oh. What made you want to?" 

"I don't know honestly Lou I just keep thinking of Liam. What I never got to say to him and all before he- you know." 

Louis nodded some what understanding. This was so out of the blue and it kinda didn't make sense to him. 

"Don't go see his parents thinking it's going to make things better." Louis said. 

"I hate how you know what I'm thinking." Harry said. 

"I hate how I could live without you before and now I can't stand the thought of losing you." Louis said softly. 

Harry gave him a smile and Louis grabbed his hand squeezing it gently they rested their hands on the center console. William began crying making Harry jump because of the silence a second ago and the sudden high pitched sound filling the car. He looked at the time. 

"It's time to feed him." Harry said finding a car park of a shop off the highway to pull in. 

He got out rounding to the side William was in and climbed in the back. He found the bottle the formula but no water. Louis must have forgot to pack it. 

"Great!" Harry threw his arms up slapping them back down onto his lap. 

"What?" Louis said. 

"He doesn't have any water." Harry explained. 

"Oh right then I can go in and get some from the shop." Louis started getting out. 

"No, we are not getting him water from a bloody gas stop it's gross here." Harry said. 

"Well then what?" Louis said a little annoyed. 

"Then you drive and I stay back here and try to keep him from crying but that isn't going to be easy. I think there's a market down the exit a few miles up." Harry said taking his dummy out and sticking it in his mouth. 

Louis sighed hard getting out and going to the drivers seat. He drove off. 

"Tell me what exit." Louis said turning on the radio to The Fray one of his favorite bands. 

"Turn that down some." Harry said calmly. 

"It's not even that loud Harry come on." Louis said even more annoyed but turned it down for argument sake. 

Louis picked up speed. 

"Here this exit." Harry said suddenly. 

Louis took it suddenly. 

"Right then straight and it should be on your left Liam and I would stop here when we wanted some snacks cause I refused to buy something from a gas place." Harry said. 

Louis stayed silent driving the way Harry told him too. How to save a life was playing quietly. 

"Ah it's still here!" Harry exclaimed. 

Louis pulled into the car park getting a close spot to the medium sized market. 

"You stay with William I'll go get it." Harry said and got out.

He stopped remembering he needed money for it but he didn't have enough on him for it so he needed some from Louis. He walked back to the car quickly. 

"I need some money Lou I don't have enough for it." Harry showed him how much he had. 

"Here then." Louis said shoving a 20 in his hand. 

"Ease up geez." Harry huffed walking back to the market. 

He found the water but for good measure he got a gallon since Louis gave him too much. 

"Got it." he said climbing back into the car beside William who was still fussing for his bottle. 

"Got any change for me?" Louis asked before starting the car.

"Yeah just some coins." Harry said fixing his bottle. 

The ride seemed to take ages upon ages to get over with but when Louis woke up Harry saying they were here he was beyond happy. They checked into the hotel for the night. 

"I'm still confused." Louis said watching Harry undress for bed. 

"There's no reason to be confused." Harry stated simply. 

"But there is." 

"Okay please indulge me on why you're so bloody confused." Harry said crossing his arms. 

"Well I would of thought after everything you felt and went through at Liams funeral you wouldn't have wanted to come all the way here to just visit his grave." Louis said. 

"Everything I didn't get to say I feel I can say to him now, it's not easy waking up and wanting to text your dead best friend things you didn't get to say because he fucking shot you." Harry said feeling tears rise up. 

Harry ran into the bathroom locking the door sitting on the toilet letting the tears fall. He hated that Louis had been so heavy on him lately. Earlier when he was fixing him dinner it was fine he felt no intensity in the air, just bliss. Now however that's all he felt was intensity and he didn't understand why Louis seemed to get so uptight when it came to speaking of Liam. If he didn't like the idea why the hell did he come? Harry thought. 

"Harry." Louis said softly tapping on the door. 

"Leave me alone Louis." he said lowly. 

"I can't do that." Louis rested his head against the door. 

"Why do you keep being heavy on me? Earlier we were fine and now we are right back at it again. It's driving me crazy," Harry got up opening the door looking at Louis "I thought bringing you with me would be nice but I was wrong. I just thought you might want to support me but no, I knew I should of left you at home because we just need space as it seems. You've been so annoyed with me and I've done nothing. I knew I should have just got work and moved to a separate place from you then none of this would be happening between me and you right now." Harry said tears streaming down his face. 

"I-" Louis began but couldn't find words. 

"Yeah Louis you're sorry just like always is that right? You say your sorry then have sex with me just like always. You remember earlier in the car you said how you could live without me before but now you can't even stand the thought of losing me? Sure as hell seems like you can now because Louis believe it or not you're losing me and it's going to kill me when I finally walk out that door." he pointed to the door of the hotel room. 

Louis hung his head sadly shaking it. 

"I don't know if I believe that or not anymore Louis." Harry said. 

"I'd rather walk in front of a train then live without you." Louis said sadly. 

"Then what the hell are you doing! You keep saying you can't live without me and your sorry and- and this and that but I can't seem to grasp that you really mean that!" Harry said with a slight raise in his voice. 

Louis cried running to hug him wrapping his arms around him tightly. Louis cried hard too harder than he ever had before. Harry's arms were limp at his sides he wasn't hugging the sobbing boy clinging to his body. 

"Maybe I really am just a bet to you Louis, you don't care about me or William maybe you didn't mean anything you said to me," Harry got out of his arms "maybe all of this was just a lie." the tears started again. 

"No!" Louis exclaimed loudly. 

"Yes!" Harry screamed back. 

"NO! Damn it no! You are not just some bet to me none of this is a lie! Fucking none of it! I really can't live without you or our son, I really love you, I really meant every single thing I said to you, I meant everything I did to you good and bad. You were a goddamn bet at the start but you are a grand prize you aren't any bet," Louis screamed "I know I keep yelling at you and treating you horribly I don't know why I am. I meant everything Harry everything! Nothing is a lie it's real," he got closer to the boy who was leaning against a wall and took his hand "we're real." 

Harry shook his head the tears rolled down. He wanted Louis to kiss him and let the emotions they had inside be known through the kiss, but that wasn't a good idea. 

"What's wrong Louis?" Harry said softly. 

"I've been keeping everything inside." Louis replied. 

Harry slid down the wall and Louis sat in front of him. 

"Like what Lou?" Harry looked at him with soft eyes. 

"My anger, my sadness, my broken heart, my frustration, this empty feeling I feel." Louis started crying again. 

"Louis I'm here for you, you're supposed to talk to me." Harry said caressing the boys cheek with his thumb. 

"It's just I'm-" Louis didn't know whether he should say it or not. 

"Baby tell me everything you can't keep things from me. I will listen and I will try not to get mad." Harry explained honestly. 

Harry grabbed his hands and squeezed them gently. 

"I'm just so angry and heartbroken because Liam left you but I'm not angry only at that I'm angry that he shot his best friend then turned the gun on himself. He just left you and I knew how close you two were and seeing the way you were in the dorm that day killed me it literally broke my heart. I just been so angry at him and I've been blinded by it and have been taking it out on you and I hate myself for doing that. I should have just talked to you baby I'm so sorry." Louis hung his head down. 

Harry tilted his head up with his finger under his chin. 

"Louis." he said softly. 

"I know I'm sorry so sorry." Louis sounded sad. 

Harry shook his head. 

"I know you are Lou I know you are. Don't keep things from me especially like that." Harry said. 

"But then the frustration of my mum and sadness eats at me because she just suddenly comes back after so many times of my begging why couldn't she the first time or the second or the third or any of those why did she take so long?" Louis looked at Harry with watery eyes. 

"Things like that take time to get over and find forgiveness for Louis you can't forgive things like what you did in the blink of an eye. She loves you Lou and I'm sure your sister will too if you just reach out because they won't reach out for you if you don't for them. My mum hasn't asked me forgiveness yet but I know for certain that it's going to take me a while too. It's okay Louis to be angry and frustrated and sad and everything you feel right now. It's okay that's your way of dealing with the things that are in front of you right now. I promise you though I'll be here for you every step of the way." Harry said pulling the boy to him and kissing his forehead. 

"How can someone as messed up and fucked up as me be so fortunate to get an angel like you?" Louis said. 

"I don't know but sometimes the worst most fucked up people need someone to just save them." Harry rubbed Louis' hand with his thumb. 

"You saved me." Louis replied simply. 

"I'm no angel Louis." Harry said. 

"You're my angel though." Louis said with a smile. 

Harry smiled shaking his head. 

"I think I just want to go home tomorrow." Harry said. 

"But we drove all the way here." Louis scrunched his brows. 

"Yes I know but listening to you just now made me realize that I don't need to see him I don't need to say things I didn't get to. I'm okay I feel fine right now with Liam and all. Going to the grave would just bring the feelings back." 

Louis nodded standing to his feet and helping Harry to his. 

"Come on let's go to bed I'm beat." Louis smiled. 

They climbed into the bed and Louis cuddled him close. William was in his cot on Harry's side. Louis knew that if they couldn't stand to be apart that something would have to fix that. Perhaps forever? 

 

Authors note: 

WOW! Long chapter the length is 4020 words without the count of these that I'm typing now. Okay I got some songs again so they are 

If I Believe You by The 1975 and Blue by Troye Sivan ft. Alex Hope I think Blue fits the ending where Louis spilled everything to Harry. 

So do you think Louis will reach out to his mum? Maybe even his sister? 

Remember to comment and vote and read! :) 

OOOH almost forgot what do you think Louis meant when he thought about forever? ;)

Anyway I hope you all had a great Christmas!


	21. He's my heaven

Harry sat at the bar of the kitchen in the apartment. Staring at the blank email box he had yet to fill with words regarding his passion. He had yet to fill it out but he didn't know how to explain it. Especially to Mrs.Bramble who looked at him with such pride for being her best dancer in the studio. Sure someone had probably already earned that title by now. 

I was the best student, she thought of me as her own, how bad could this be come on Harry. Harry thought. 

He bounced William gently on his knee. Louis was at work and would be for the next few hours. He figured since Louis is gone he might be able to focus on what he wants and not Louis. It hasn't helped much though. The only words he's gotten down are Dear Mrs. Bramle,. Nothing more. 

"Okay little man mummy needs to get himself out of it and type this email." Harry said to William who was sucking on his fist. 

He began writing and finished it. He urged her to contact him by his phone number or by the email to which he sent that one through. He went back to what he was doing before he suddenly wanted to get back into his dancing. Sitting on the couch and starting back up the movie he was watching. He laid William down on the blanket beside him on the couch so he could wiggle and squirm as much as he liked and be comfortable. 

They had gotten back the day before from Wolverhampton they did exactly what Harry wanted and went straight home. It was nice but still didn't seem himself and he really hadn't even before all this. It worried Harry a good bit, he wasn't going to make an appointment for a specialist unless Louis consented because that wouldn't be right. 

*beep* 

From Loubear 


	22. Without you I'm Colorblind

Louis walked into work just like every other day, but today wasn't just any day . It marked 1 year with Harry not only that, his nerves were eating at him. He told Harry to be ready around 2 he had luckily got the day off at 12 which was in three hours. He had three hours to go that shop, and see if Niall was still up for babysitting. It was going to be a weekend away for this. A cabin in the woods was in order and he knew of a place in Donny that rented cabins for couples and family. He called and they had the perfect one.

"Mr. Tomlinson!" Mr. Prack snapped Louis from his thoughts.

"Sorry boss," Louis apologized getting back to work, "I was just going over everything for the weekend with my boyfriend today."

Mr. Prack crossed his arms over his chest.

"Tomlinson your lucky I'm giving the rest of the week and weekend off! I don't want to hear about it." Mr. Prack turned and walked off.

"Fucking asshole." Louis mumbled getting back to work.

I wandered around the apartment packing the things Louis told me too. Packing extra things into Louis' bag for him that Louis packed this morning. William was napping so it made it easier to get things in order for them. Harry thought all day where they could be going. Louis told him to pack sweats or whatever he was comfortable in. Which wasn't sweats for him it was jeans skinny jeans to be exact, and nice button up shirts. It was a year today with Louis it seemed almost impossible. They had only been dating for 5 months when he got pregnant with William.

William was growing he just turned 5 months, a few days ago. It seemed like just yesterday I had held him in my arms for the first time after waking up from the nightmare. I loved waking up to the sound of him, and Louis knowing he didn't leave my side or our sons that whole time was everything to me.

Louis and William a year ago I would have never imagined having a baby with my bully, falling in love with my bully, getting shot by my best friend, only for him to turn the gun on himself out of guilt, now I hear him or I did when I got jumped at the trail. I haven't heard him again since. In a way I'm thankful but it still drives me mad.

Harry spent the rest of the time straightening up the place leaving a list of things to do if William gets too fussy. He double checked everything. He was worried of course it was natural being this was the first time he was going to be away from William for such a long time. He couldn't stand being away from him for no more than a hour before texting or calling Niall checking in on him.

Niall arrived not long before Louis did. Harry was all ready to go when he got there as ordered. Louis quickly showered and got dressed in comfy clothes. It took Louis minutes to finally get Harry to leave. He kissed William on the cheek and held it there for a bit then pulled back warning Niall to take care of his son. Louis threw the suitcases in the trunk of his car and climbed in.

He put his hand on Harry's thigh and Harry rested his hand on top of Louis'. Harry could feel the tears come as they pulled out the parking lot. It was because he was nervous and didn't want to leave his baby boy. He wasn't going to have any cell service where the cabin was according to Louis which was even more nerve racking. He wouldn't be able to check in with his baby.

Louis reached over wiping the stray tear away from Harry's cheek.

"Don't cry baby. He's going to be fine. I'm sure he's having a blast with uncle NiNi right now." Louis assured him softly.

"I know Lou I'm just– it's just I haven't been away from him this long. I know we just left it's just mummy anxiety." Harry said wiping the tears away.

Louis took his hand and kissed it and rested it on the seat between them. Harry unbuckled and quickly slid next to Louis resting his head on his shoulder after buckling back up.

"I like your seats." Harry said.

"Really?" Louis asked surprised.

"Yeah only because I can scoot closer to you when I want but in my car the console separates us." Harry explained.

Louis smiled fondly at the boy resting on his shoulder before returning his eyes to the road in front of him.

It was still bothering Harry on why this sudden weekend was in order apart from their anniversary he would of been happy with just a outing on the town or something. Just something simple because it's the little things that count.

"Why won't you tell me where we are going?" Harry questioned bored.

"Am I boring you princess?" Louis said in the way he did when he used to bully Harry.

Harry poked his side hard.

"Not you, just this long car ride." Harry said.

"We've been on the road for only 25 minutes?" Louis said.

"There's nothing fun in your car Lou I'm used to my car where I have things to do." Harry explained.

"What sort of things do you have to do that's so entertaining in your car?" Louis raised a brow.

"Better music, a book of poetry I keep in the glove compartment, that's just mainly it." Harry said lacing his fingers through Louis'.

"Are you criticizing my music?" Louis said.

"No I'm just simply saying I don't like it. I'm not saying why I don't like it or what you should listen to." Harry said.

"Okay, okay." Louis said caressing Harry's hand with his thumb.

Harry smiled at the boy pecking his cheek quickly.

"Can I change your music please?" Harry begged with a pout lip.

"If I say no will you keep on?" Louis wondered.

Harry nodded still pouting his lip looking like a sad puppy.

"Ugh fine." Louis surrendered.

"Yay." Harry reached for the knob of the radio to change it he couldn't find a station that played his music, so he took the aux chord and plugged it into his phone.

He played three particular songs all by Troye Sivan. Heaven ft. Betty Who, and Blue feat. Alex Hope. Harry caught Louis humming along to Heaven and he sung along on the line that said trying to keep faith and picture his face staring up at me. Harry giggled and smiled widely.

When Blue came on Harry sung aloud the part that sung the girls part. Swore I'd never lose control, then I fell in love with a heart that beats so slow. I know you're seeing black and white  
So I'll paint you a clear blue sky  
Without you I am colour-blind  
It's raining every time I open my eyes  
I know you're seeing black and white  
So I'll paint you a clear blue sky  
Without you I am colour-blind  
It's raining every time I open my eyes.

God I really love him Louis thought as he listened to the boy sing those words to him. It was true, every single word he sung just now was true.

"You wanna know why I love that part so much?" Harry spoke as Louis shook his head back to focus.

Louis gave him a go on look and Harry did.

"I love it because I swore I wouldn't lose control and fall for someone like you but I did. I was afraid I would lose my family even more and I did. I don't care, even though I get that pain of losing one person that meant the world to me," Harry paused choking on the last words but gathered himself even though Louis told him to stop, "I realized that I loved you I really loved you. I broke the promise I'd thought I'd never break and I fell in love with someone like you. I–"

Harry was cut off by Louis shushing him with one finger.

"You saw that I was seeing black and white and you wanted to paint me a clear blue sky." Louis smiled softly at the boy and wiped away the stray tear that was falling down Harry's cheek.

"And I realized without you I'm colorblind." Harry finished.

"I love you." Louis whispered.

"I love you more." Harry said with a smile.

Harry found himself daydreaming about Louis more so than usual. Probably cause the car ride was taking ages.

Luckily it was a solid hour before they got to the place according to Louis. Harry's legs were killing him because the space in Louis' car wasn't nearly as big as the space in his.

"I can't wait until we get to wherever we are going. I hope it has a nice jacuzzi tub so I can get in and relax because my legs are killing." Harry said.

"But we haven't done a thing why are they hurting?" Louis smirked.

"Because tiny car isn't made for a man of my height." Harry sighed.

"Well this is my treat and I figured since it's something I planned and all we would have to take my car. Next time we'll take yours." Louis giggled.

"Happy you find it funny." Harry said sarcastically.

Louis scrunched his face smiling widely.

Eventually they did make it to their destination. Harry got out and stretched while Louis went into the main office to check them in. Harry took in the gorgeous scenery of the place. He knew that they were staying at a cabin. When they pulled in a sign read Doncaster Mountain Cabin Rentals. The name was plain with no creativity. So he hoped the cabins were opposite. Creative and pretty unlike the name.

Louis came out carrying papers and a map to the cabin. He followed the maps directions and this cabin was far away from the others. Secluded from all the others. It was perfect and cozy looking. Harry observed the outside while Louis grabbed the bags from the back. It was beyond nice, to Harry it was luxurious. He wandered how many pay checks Louis had spent on it.

"How much or many of your pay checks did you spend on this place it's amazing?" Harry asked as they walked to the door of the place.

"That's for me to know and you to enjoy." Louis smiled, "come on."

He unlocked the door revealing the beautiful inside of the place. The fireplace caught Harry's eye he loved it.

Harry walked around exploring the beautiful cabin

Harry walked around exploring the beautiful cabin. The kitchen was small but that was nothing new because the apartments kitchen was pretty small as well. In the bathroom there was a jacuzzi big enough for two. Louis snaked his arm around Harry's waist and gave it a small squeeze.

"I plan making good use of that in a bit." Louis whispered against Harry's ear kissing it then biting the lobe.

Harry's skin tingled and heated. His breathing hitched and he bit his lip.

"Damn you." Harry whispered as Louis teased him.

He felt Louis smirk proudly against the crevice of his neck.

"I'm a bit hungry what about you?" Louis said with a smile.

Harry turned facing him.

"Yeah I am but we have to go the shop to get some stuff." Harry said.

"Who said we have to go the shop why not out to eat?" Louis suggested.

"Don't you wanna save a bit of money?" Harry questioned.

"Eh that doesn't matter, it's only tonight. So after going out for a bite, you fancy going to the shop for groceries?" Louis said his hands resting on Harry's hips.

Harry nodded and Louis pecked his lips quickly.

"Come on then." Louis said leading Harry to the bedroom of which he hasn't seen yet.

"Where we going?" Harry asked.

"The bedroom." Louis said plainly.

"But I thought we were going to eat? Then have a bit of fun later." Harry asked.

"We are," Louis giggled "just putting the bags in here. Unless you want to have a quickie."

Harry smacked his arm playfully.

"No thanks." Harry laughed.

They put the bags up and the clothes away. The bedroom was gorgeous Harry loved the bed. It looked romantic and full of lust.

They decided on a nice Chinese restaurant

They decided on a nice Chinese restaurant. Harry didn't want any meat. He ordered some stir fry vegetables with sushi and lo mein. Louis ordered some teriyaki chicken, with fried rice, and spring rolls.

"You think you got enough there Lou?" Harry teased.

Louis flicked him off and continued eating with his fork because he didn't know how to use chopsticks.

"I haven't eaten anything at all." Louis said with his mouth full.

"Very attractive babe." Harry said as he swallowed the food.

He grabbed one of Louis' spring rolls with his chop sticks.

"Hey!" Louis said as he swatted at him.

Harry flicked him off right back playfully.

"Babe you have yourself a feast you won't starve."

"I'm not stealing any of your shit because it all looks gross except the noodles." Louis said taking another bite of his chicken.

They eventually finished and went to the shop for groceries. Louis of course grabbed a bunch of junk and Harry had to put some of it back. So each of them had their fair share of what they wanted. They made me back to the cabin just before dark. They put the groceries where they should be and stood there awkwardly. 

"Soo?" Louis said. 

"How about we go try that Jacuzzi?" Harry said with a teasing smirk as he began unbuttoning his shirt slowly and seductively. 

Louis shuffled his legs and bit his lip. Harry bit his lip too as his shirt revealed his inked skin. 

"Are you purposely trying to seduce me?" Louis raised a brow. 

"Is that what it looks to you?" Harry giggled. 

Louis nodded and Harry laughed. 

"Then yes Mr. Tomlinson that is what I'm doing." Harry began backing up slowly as Louis inched closer to him. 

"Why are you backing up from me?" Louis said in a sexy way. 

"How am i going to seduce you if you catch me?" Harry questioned. 

"Aye." Louis said. 

Harry didn't have to really do anything to get Louis going. He was perfect to him and everything about Harry drove him crazy. His looks, his personality, his heart. Everything. 

When Louis got with in a foot or two of Harry, Harry turned and took of running down the hall and into the bathroom.He put himself against the door and scrambled to get his pants off and boxers before Louis got in, he giggled and teased him with words. He did just in time too, he stumbled forward when Louis got his way in and Louis was also naked. He let out a cute squeal as Louis snaked his arms around him and playfully pulled him closer pecking his lips with a smile. 

"Darn it, you caught me." Harry stomped his foot. 

"You can run but you can not hide." Louis whispered against his lips. 

"I wasn't hiding I was simply-" Louis gave him a look "okay I was but it wasn't technically hiding because you knew where I was?" 

"Get that bath ready and I'll go get our towels from the room." Louis said as he walked out. 

Harry did just that. He made sure the water was just right for what was going to happen and it was. 

Each thrust with the warm bubbly liquid on Harry's skin made it feel amazing. He moaned into the crevice of Louis' neck as Louis went deeper. Harry comed in minutes and Louis trailed right behind him. They sat there in the tub in each others arms as they soaked. They dried off but didn't bother getting dressed they cuddled each other their naked bodies tangled with each other. 

Louis could only think about tomorrow and how important it was and how this may be the last night Harry would be just a boyfriend, how Harry may or not be his fiance tomorrow. 

 

It scared the hell out of him. 

 

 

Authors note: 

WOW guys I'm so sorry this update took so long! I just had trouble making it flow and work well and how to write it. It's almost been a month since I last updated way too long! Important stuff happening in the next chapter. 

I want thoughts as usual. What do you think Harry is going to do? You have to think about everything though. Harry knows something is up. 

Keep reading and voting!! Love you all!


	23. "Harry Edward Styles will you-"

Louis woke up nervous. Harry was still sound asleep in his arms, snuggled closely to his chest. Yes he was snuggled in his arms and it some how relaxed him a little but he was still on edge. He had it all planned out mentally, what he would say when he did it, but he knew as soon as he started to he would forget and ramble and ruin it.

He carefully got himself away from the tight hold of Harry. He remained naked but reconsidered when he got cold after a little bit so he slipped on a pair of his boxers. It was their anniversary one year today, Louis thought about how he should just wait a little longer. He knew how Harry was about things like this. How huge it would be to him.

Louis turned some music on his phone. He began dancing a few ballet moves. It had been a while since he danced, so he did trip up a few times. He thought about when Harry and him danced at the warehouse. Then changed the song to Let It Be Me by Ray Lamontagne. He spun around and moved some things so he could do big moves.

Harry woke up to the sound of thumping. He reached beside him the bed was cold, realizing this he sat up and slipped on his boxers. Walking downstairs he saw Louis attempting some extreme Ballet moves.

"Babe you suck at those stick to the basics yeah?" Harry said from the steps making Louis jump.

"You scared me I didn't mean to wake you." He said walking over to Harry now all sweaty, he hooked his arms around him.

Louis pecked his lips and smiled.

"Happy anniversary princess." Louis smirked knowing Harry hates the nickname princess.

"Happy anniversary asshole." Harry said with a smile.

"Let's get ready for the day?" Louis suggested.

Harry was buzzing on the inside with excitement but he didn't let it show. Really he was nervous and wasn't quite sure on how to take it, if what he thought Louis planned was really going to happen.

"What about breakfast?" Harry said feeling his stomach growl.

"Ah right yes, I'll start getting the stuff out for you while you go get ready yeah?" Louis said.

Harry shook his head and the boy pecked him on the forehead.

I went upstairs thinking only about what was sure to happen. Yes, I would love to marry him, yes, I would love to have that realistic type of family me, him, and William. Yes, William having parents married before he grew up to really know the story of how he came along would be great. If I said yes to him it wouldn't be because of Will. Absolutely not. William isn't the reason at all. The idea of William knowing his parents were recklessly in love at one point and had a baby at such a young age wasn't great to me for our son to know at least.

Harry shook his head. Starting the shower water and letting it run getting hot before stepping under the water.

I love him I really do. Am I really going to let fear ruin such a wonderful thing? Jesus, Harry pull it together.

Harry splashed water on his face ridding the thoughts from his head. He would take it as it happened and let his heart and not his head do the decision making. Although he would have to let his do some of it, because if he went his heart altogether it be a definite yes. He wanted to tell Louis I know what this is all about but that would ruin it and create heat between them.

Stepping out of the shower he smelled something burning. He quickly put on some jeans and his blue and white button up with a plain white t-shirt and his light brown boots. His usual outfit. He laid out Louis a brown sweater, and some black pants with a black beanie. 

He quickly went back downstairs to find Louis in a cloud of smoke. Shaking his head sadly, he wasn't finding the least bit funny. Harry's smile immediately fell away as he saw that Louis wasn't smiling at all.

"Babe I told you just take the stuff out and I would cook." Harry said opening a window to air it out.

"I know but today is special, and I wanted to try to do something for once." Louis frowned.

Harry again shook his head at the boy and turned to get a cup of cold water to cool the burnt pan on the stove behind Louis.

"You didn't burn yourself did you?" Harry asked.

Louis shook his head.

"No, but I did cut myself a little while attempting to cut some of the bell peppers." Louis said showing him the cut.

"It will get clean in the shower." Harry smiled perking his lips for a kiss.

Louis pecked him quickly before dashing up the stairs.

"Wear the outfit I have laid out for you." Harry yelled.

"Okay." Louis yelled back before going in the bathroom.

He waited until he heard the clanking of pots and pans downstairs before sneaking back into the room to grab a certain small box. It was silent by the time he grabbed the box. Worried Harry might pop in he shoved the box in his boxers. It was definitely uncomfortable. He quickly rushed back to the bathroom after grabbing a pair of his boxers.

Once in the shower he wondered if Harry knew what was up. Again the thought of just waiting crossed his mind but he wasn't going to wait. He couldn't all of this wasn't going to be for nothing or at least that's what it would feel like if he didn't.

He put the box on a shelf in the shower with him. He was in fact a little paranoid. He got out the shower smelling the scent of bacon. Which was one of his favorites. He got dressed only after checking to see if the coast was clear and put the box in his pocket of the sweatshirt. 

Come on Louis he thought stop being so damn nervous. He took the box back out of his pocket and opened the box. 

€293

€293.90 better be worth it. The extra 15 pounds was because of the L on the inside which he insisted on getting engraved. He thought of putting the date of today on there but decided against it. With one deep breath he shut the box and held it against his chest. 

"Please say yes." he said to himself his voice cracking. 

Grabbing the keys and heading downstairs. 

"Smells great Haz." he smiled pecking him on the cheek. 

Louis turned up his nose at the sight of the green beverage on the counter beside Harry. 

"Do not turn your nose up at my drink! At least I'm healthy unlike you." Harry said pointing the spatula at him. 

Louis smacked his bum hard and playfully causing Harry to squeal. 

"That is a drink I will always turn my nose up at because it looks purely like-" Louis caught himself, "nevermind." he said grabbing his bacon as Harry shoveled the last couple of pieces onto his plate. 

Harry sat at the table with his bagel with cream cheese and green smoothie. Louis munched down happily on his bacon. 

"There's no way not even when we're married that I'm ever going to eat or drink that." Louis said as Harry nearly choked at the word "marriage." 

"You okay?" Louis asked. 

"Uh yeah fine, just the um wrong side." Harry gave him an assuring smile. 

Louis nodded finishing up his bacon and taking it to the sink. 

"I'll be back in a bit, I need to um write in my journal." Louis said nervously shoving his hands into his pockets holding on tightly to the box. 

"Okay." Harry replied simply. 

With that Louis walked outside and to his car reaching in the glove compartment for his still very much precious journal. It was so worn out from its usage through the years. It's leather has small tears here and there. Lose papers from thoughts were shoved in numerous places. Louis loved his journal, it was like his own personal secret keeper. Not that it wasn't because it was in fact his secret keeper. 

Dear journal, 

I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask him to marry me and if he- I don't even want to think about the possibility of him saying no. Why would he say no? He's happy or at least I hope he is. Why wouldn't he be happy. I'm happy with him so much so that it scares the shit out of me. I keep looking at it- the ring. Imagining that in a couple of hours I may be completely gutted and absolutely heartbroken or like any fortunate man or woman in the case of some I may be the happiest man on the planet.... but that's what everyone says at the end of almost every proposal. "Will you make me the happiest man or woman and marry me?" I don't think I want to say that. I don't want to feel that pain. The pain of being rejected by the only man I've ever loved and well I wouldn't say hurt. I've hurt a lot of people, people who were important to me. But Harry is a different type of important to me. I will spend every waking minute of everyday proving to him that he's not just another guy to me, that he's not just the boy I resented and bullied on a daily basis. No. I will prove to him that he's the one I love, the only man I've ever loved, the first man I've ever loved, the reason I've changed. I really love him, god I love him. I swear I will spend every day proving that to him if he says yes. 

 

"Hey you ready to get going? It looks like it wants to rain." Louis questioned walking back inside from writing in his journal. 

Harry nodded grabbing his sunglasses off the table before grabbing Louis' hand and leaving. 

"Wait I forgot something!" Louis said as they neared the end of the walk way. 

Running back inside he grabbed the basket of lunch he had made while Harry was in the shower. Sandwiches and an already cut up salad was easy for him to put together. He grabbed two waters and threw them in the basket. Feeling how irritating the box was after a bit he quickly took the box out and the ring and stuck the ring into front pocket. Running back outside he grabbed Harry's hand again and they continued walking. They found the perfect spot just off to the side of a bridge. A creek was under the bridge and made a relaxing sound as the water flowed over the rocks. 

"Harry?" Louis said as they were eating. 

"Yeah?" Harry answered taking another forkful in his mouth. 

"So I wrote this entry a few weeks back and I want to read it to you okay?" Louis said nervously. 

"Okay." he said putting his sunglasses on because of the sun beaming down on the water. 

"I got to thinking earlier about heaven. Yes heaven.... only because Harry. Why you may ask. Well because I've been stuck in my own hell for so long. He's the heaven I've been desperate for. Heaven is so incredibly beautiful, a thing that saves you from a fiery hell I've been desperate to get out of. Hell is filled with hellish ugly things, hell is a nightmare. Hell is nothing you want to be in. Heaven is a paradise filled with heavenly things. There's no pain, no worry, nothing. Heaven is somewhere you want to be. Harry is heaven somewhere I want to be. There's a difference between heaven and hell and Harry's my heaven..... I know now that I want him forever, I know now that I need him. I love him so much god I love him.--- " Louis looked at Harry who was smiling and wiping a stray tear with a finger. 

Louis didn't read the last part which was I want to marry him... he left that part off because that was part of it reading that whole bit and leaving that out because he wanted to say it. 

"I left one part off Haz." Louis said grabbing Harry's hand for him to get up. 

Louis was shaking so much especially his hands. Louis took a deep shaky breath and rubbed his hands together. "Shit here we go." He thought. Taking both of Harry's hands he looked at him directly. 

"Jesus Lou, you are so shaky." Harry said caressing his hand with his thumb. 

"I- I know, shit," Louis rambled "damn it. Give me a minute." Louis spaced himself a bit as he felt the tears come. 

"Lou?" Harry scrunched his brows at the sudden actions. 

"It's okay, I'm okay. Here we go." Louis walked back over grabbing his hands again. 

One more deep shaky breath and swallow. 

"Harry, I've thought about this for weeks now. I thought about waiting a little bit longer but you now they say better sooner than later," Louis began. 

"About what?" Harry was now anxious. 

"Sh babe come on I'm trying to get it out as fast as I can." Louis smiled, "now where was I oh right, for weeks I thought about everything you, me, Will, us, but mainly me and you together. I thought about what a horrible life it be if I didn't have you in it with me forever. Life without you didn't make any sense before but now I'm starting to understand the meaning behind it. Everyone is put here for a reason and I've come to realize that, you are my reason I'm here," Louis started crying "before I never knew what love felt like because I only felt anger towards everything even you. I hated you so much that I loved you and I was stupid that it took me this long to realize that, but," Louis got down on one knee pulling the ring out and holding it up.

"but Harry Edward Styles I know I've hurt you a lot, I know I don't deserve you, I know you might think this is all crazy and so sudden but I promise you that I will spend every day of my life proving to you that you are everything to me, so Harry...

"but Harry Edward Styles I know I've hurt you a lot, I know I don't deserve you, I know you might think this is all crazy and so sudden but I promise you that I will spend every day of my life proving to you that you are everything to me, so Harry Edward Styles will you- will you marry me?" Harry's hand flew over his mouth, he felt the tears come as they poured down his cheeks. 

"Well?" Louis said anxiously. 

Both of Harry's hands were now covering his mouth, he was a speechless mess. His hands were still over his mouth and he took a deep breath as he dropped his hands. 

"Louis William Tomlinson?" Harry said through a shaky voice. 

"Yes?" Louis smiled through tears. 

"I will marry you!" Harry almost squealed. 

"What! YES!" Louis jumped up wrapping his arms around Harry's waist before kissing him excitedly. 

"YES YES YES!" Harry squealed. 

Louis slid the ring on Harry's fingers and Harry admired it. 

"There's an L on the inside." Louis said with a smile. 

"It's beautiful Lou." Harry smiled down at it. 

"Not nearly as beautiful as what I'm looking at." Louis said looking at Harry. 

Harry looked at him and Louis leaned up and kissed him softly and slowly at first but then they deepened it by melting into each other. 

Harry felt that warm butterfly feeling in his stomach but it was different, because he was no longer kissing his boyfriend. He was kissing his fiance and he loved it. 

 

AUTHORS NOTE: 

WOWzer! Big stuff happened! I want everyone's thoughts as always. If anyone knows any songs that would fit the story so far or anything I'd love to hear them! 

What did you think about Louis getting so nervous he had to gather himself? How do you think Harry feels? Remember there was a brief pause before he said yes. How do you think Louis feels? Ahh I want thoughts I love to hear them! 

Oh I got a new song to add to the list and that Say You Won't Let Go by James Arthur I feel it really fits the mood of this whole chapter really and the beginning of Louis and Harry's relationship so.

Anyways as always vote, give a shout to a friend about the story! Leave some comments and if you have any preferences or anything I'm open to them! :) 

All the love B.


	24. "Hearing you, talking about you is like fucking torture"

Authors note: So a lots going to happen that's the reason it's so long! Read slow and give me comments! Happy reading! 

~

"Can we go back now?" Harry said not because of the rain. 

Louis nodded and smiled knowing full well what Harry wanted. Harry smoothly felt Louis was hard as well and he got even harder at this. Louis smacked Harry's bum and they ran back to the cabin chasing each other. 

As Louis pinned Harry against the door of their cabin Harry said. 

"I don't want sex Lou no sex." Harry said with a soft eagerness. 

Louis nodded slowly and kissed Harry's neck gently as they stumbled inside and falling on the rug in front of the fireplace, tangled in each others kisses. 

Slowly Louis unbuttoned Harry's shirt, he pushed him down gently on the floor as the shirt fell off his shoulders swiftly. Harry's hips arched rubbing against Louis' hard bulge. Louis let out a moan and pulled back from kissing. Hooking his fingers around the waistline of Harry's pants after unbuttoning them. He pulled them down with his boxers Harry was now naked. Louis kissed down Harry's chest and stomach and stopped just above his length. Teasingly kissing above it along his hips. Harry let out a strong begging moan before flipping them around. He was now on top. He wasted no time getting Louis completely naked. 

"Wait we need a condom." Louis said breathless. 

Louis reached in the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a condom. Harry gave him a questioning look. 

"Something told me I would need this." Louis shrugged with a laugh. 

Harry giggled softly and Louis slid the condom on. They continued kissing briefly as Louis stuck into Harry who was still on top. Harry threw his head back and threw himself down straddling Louis his chest against the boys. Louis thrusted into slowly in and out. 

 

Louis flipped them around continuing to thrust. He was so gentle and Harry loved it. It was different from the first time they made love. There was something about this time. Harry could feel the love in every touch and every thrust Louis did. Every kiss was just as better then the last. Louis thrusted deeper taking fistfuls of Harry's hair as he comed after Harry he moaned into the crevice of his neck and kissed it gently as he pulled out and laid next to him. 

Louis traced his finger over Harry's scar where Liam had shot him. He remembered how scared he was. 

"Do you miss him?" Louis blurted before he could catch himself. 

Harry paused a moment. 

"Yeah sometimes." Harry sighed. 

Harry adjusted himself and laid his head Louis chest. Both lay there naked on the floor. Louis' arm wrapped around Harry's shoulders. Harry's leg was thrown over Louis'. Louis' finger still lightly traced over the scar. 

"You know that day I got jumped?" Harry questioned. 

"Yeah?" Louis looked down at the boy. 

"Well I heard his voice tell me to run when they came up to me." Harry said. 

"Really?" 

Harry nodded. 

"As clear as I'm hearing you right now." 

"You sure it just wasn't you?" Louis suggested. 

"I'm sure. It was him Lou I know my best friends voice. Even as a ghost or whatever the hell he was that day I heard him and I'm sure if I didn't run when he told me to I would of been hurt or worse." Harry explained.

Louis kissed the top of his head. 

"I believe you baby." Louis assured. 

"He said he would try and hold them back so I could get a head start but it didn't seem like it cause just as soon as I started running they were hot on me." Harry explained. 

"All that matters is that you're okay." Louis said rubbing his shoulder. 

Harry nuzzled into his chest hugging his waist tighter. 

"Harry I never been so scared in my life ever! When that shot rang out and I saw you fall to the floor, I thought you were gone. I was scared I lost you and Will when you both had only just become my whole world. My heart dropped into my stomach when it happened. I never want to lose you!" Louis' voice cracked and Harry looked up at him. 

"Lou I'm not going anywhere!" Harry said kissing his cheek. 

"I have nightmares sometimes about that night about me not being able to save him for you, about you actually dying and William." Louis was now crying. 

Harry sat up looking at the boy who was now hiding his face in his elbow. Harry moved his elbow and straddled his lap. 

"It wasn't your fault don't start thinking that now. Yes I lost my best friend and yes some of me died when he did but I'm okay even though I miss him a lot," Harry's eyes watered "I'm okay." 

Harry leaned down and rested his head in the crevice of his neck. Louis continued crying onto him and Harry hugged him tightly. 

"It just kills me because he was so broken sounded and nothing I said helped he just shot you and then himself and there's nothing I could've done." Louis said sounding disappointed.

"Lou," Harry said kissing Louis' salty tears off his cheeks, "I know you tried baby but Liam chose to do what he did." 

"How long did it take you to reconcile with that?" Louis said staring into the boys green eyes. 

"It wasn't easy and being mad, totally heartbroken, and scared about our baby's life at the same time wasn't easy either. None of it was, it still isn't," I sat back looking at the boy "hearing him when no one else can scares the hell out of me." 

I looked down at his bare lap. Louis leaned over kissing Harry gently. I played with the beautiful ring on my finger admiring its beauty. I didn't want to know how much it was because a ring looking like this looked quite expensive. 

"Hey princess," Louis caressed his cheek, "2 more days then we go home to our baby boy." Louis said hoping to make Harry feel better. 

Harry still had a pressed frown on his face. He was happy that in two days they were going to see Will, it felt like years since he's seen them, and not being able to check up on him was hard and added to his natural anxiety. Still every time Liam was talked about his heart ached and his throat felt as if he had a giant rock stuck in it. 

"I'm sorry I brought him up I shouldn't have." Louis said softly. 

"It's um okay." Harry shrugged. 

The rain was still coming down and Harry wished it wasn't. He needed fresh air. He could hear Liam's voice again talking to him. He was saying don't be sad Harold. 

I've been sad whether you know it or not. Leave me alone please Li, hearing your voice it kills me, and talking about you is like fucking torture. Harry said to Liam in his head. 

Harry sprung up. 

"I'm going to the bathroom." Harry said feeling suffocated. 

He was going to the bathroom to Liam to be quiet and stop talking. Once in the bathroom Harry locked the door sitting on the edge of the tub. Before going he slid on his boxers talking to his dead best friend naked would of been awkward. 

"You're ruining everything Liam." Harry said lowly rubbing his temples. 

"I'm not." Liam's ghostly voice said. 

Harry stood up frustrated his balled at his sides. 

"Yes you are Liam every time I hear you it destroys me! Even more, little by little every day." Harry's eyes glossed with tears. 

"You need me Harry, you do. I didn't do anything to you." Liam said softly. 

"Didn't do anything?!" Harry huffed now crying "you've got to be kidding me!" 

Harry sat on the floor bringing his knees to his chest hugging them. 

"You broke my heart Liam. Everyday I miss you." Harry said letting the hurt he's felt for so long show in his voice. 

He flinched feeling a ghostly touch belonging to the hand of Liam. 

"I'm sorry," Liam started. 

"No, you're not. Don't feed me that! It's absolute shit! You shot me then killed your self I cry over our pictures whenever I'm alone." Harry snapped. 

"I was afraid of what you would have thought of me if I didn't kill myself."  Liam explained. 

Harry sobbed hard. He couldn't stand it the pain he felt. 

"Liam I would've forgiven you maybe not right off but eventually." Harry still was talking lowly. 

"I hated myself for doing that to you," Liam said, "the guilt I felt when I saw you fall to the floor. I couldn't live with myself." 

Harry couldn't listen anymore so he balled himself up on the floor. Saying leave me alone! Lower then screamed it after saying it lowly 10 times. 

Louis bolted up the stairs who was now in his boxers as well. He jiggled the locked knob. 

"Baby, princess, Haz unlock it what's wrong?" Louis said tapping the door frantically. 

"LEAVE ME ALONE LIAM!" Harry screamed again in his fetal position. 

"Harry!" Louis said worried and scrambled to the room grabbing a card from his wallet to pick the lock with. 

Luckily the door was easy to pick and it opened easily. Louis pushed open the door seeing the sight of his seemingly broken fiancé in a mess on the floor. He rushed over to him. 

"What is it," Louis cradled his boy in his arms "what's wrong?" Louis rocked him gently trying to calm him. 

"I can't stand it anymore he won't stop talking to me. It's hurting me Lou." Harry cried into his chest. 

"Do you think—" Louis started running his fingers gently through the boys hair, "do you think,uh, seeing a therapist or something would help?" Louis suggested nervously. 

Harry pulled away from him looking at Louis with his reddish glossy eyes. 

"Oh Harry I didn't mean—" before Louis could say anything else Harry held up a hand silencing him. 

"YOU THINK IM CRAZY!?" Harry boomed. 

"NO! I JUST THINK IT WILL HELP YOU FUCKING BLOODY HELL!" Louis shouted back. 

Both were now standing. Louis eyes burned with tears. Harry stood there gasping from his yelling. 

"How dare you think that! I fucking love Harry and you think I would call you crazy because you talk to your dead best friend?!" Louis said sternly. 

Harry remained silent his head hung down. 

"One second your a mess on the floor the next your yelling at me because you thought, I thought of you as a fucking loon. It was a simple suggestion Harry." Louis said now calm. 

He walked cautiously closer to Harry. Who trembled hard as he started crying again even harder than before. Louis placed his hand on his hip and pulled him into his arms against his chest. 

"I don't think your crazy baby." Louis rested his chin on top the boys head and rubbed his back gently, "I know you're hurting princess and I hate seeing you that way. That's why I suggested the therapist or counselor." Louis said softly. 

Louis really did hate seeing Harry like this. He knew he missed his best friend and it broke his heart that Liam broke Harry that bad. He knew how close they were. Still, he had that small feeling of anger towards himself for not getting up sooner. He knew if he had of payed attention and looked up he would've been able to save both not just one. 

Still months later he found Harry looking at pictures of himself and Liam in the bedroom or other places through out their shitty apartment. He would be crying half the time but he would leave them there and let him have his time. Then Harry would emerge minutes sometimes even a hour or two later, completely okay. It worried him. 

"I just hate seeing you this way." Louis said kissing his forehead. 

"We going home soon right?" Harry questions ignoring what Louis just said. 

Louis scrunches his brows together and reluctantly nods his head.

"Today?" Harry says. 

"No," Louis said simply, "tomorrow." 

Harry sighed. 

"Harry, I hate seeing you like this quite honestly it scares the hell out of me.   
L—, he puts you in this mood and your not you for a bit." Louis said. 

The two were now standing and looking at each other. 

Harry shakes his head. 

"Sure babe sure, you don't see it but I do I'm not blind and let me remind you, you were just yelling your lungs out at him and was a mess on the floor 20 minutes ago." Louis says. 

"I don't want help Louis and I'm not getting it either." Harry said firmly. 

"Look what he's doing to you," Louis motions at Harry, "he's tearing you apart." 

"So?" Harry said. 

"So I don't want him to change you, we have William our son and I don't want him to be scared when he hears you cry so suddenly about someone he never knew." Louis said softly. 

"Every time I look at our son I think of him," Harry says "he was born on the day he died. You think it's easy?" 

"No Harry I don't," Louis said softly "I know it's not." 

Harry walked to Louis hugging his waist. 

"I know it's not but you can't let him tear you apart. Come to peace with him some how." 

Harry nodded in the crevice of his neck. He knew he needed to do something about it. 

Louis grabbed Harry's hand and squeezed it. 

"Hey the rains stopped." Louis pointed out. 

"Wanna go back out for a bit?" Louis suggested. 

Harry nods with a small smile and follows Louis back downstairs so they can get dressed. 

"Fancy some dinner?" Louis smiles heading towards the steps. 

"Yeah I'm starved." 

"Good because I got some reservations at this nice restaurant in town, so an hour away and there will be service." Louis shakes his phone. 

Louis walks upstairs changing into a nice shirt and fixing his hair. He put on a plain white button up and changed his shoes to his black vans. He was all set but Harry was still rummaging through his suit case trying to find a decent enough shirt. He finally found one with the help of Louis and put it on. It was really the nicest one he had and it was his sheer black button up and he changed his shoes to the sparkly grey ones Gemma got him for Christmas years back. 

"Ready beautiful?" Louis smiled. 

"Yeah I'm ready." Harry smiled back. 

"You look great." 

"Do not." Harry argued. 

Louis raised his brows. 

"Don't argue love, you look great and I meant it." Louis said pecking his cheek. 

Harry rolled his eyes smiling at the boy. He thought he wasn't going to have service at all meaning they would just stay at the cabin until it was time to leave. 

Harry fiddled with his ring and waited anxiously for his phone to start beeping with messages about Will. Harry frowned when absolutely no messages regarding his sweet boy came through.

"What's wrong?" Louis spoke up from the drivers seat. 

"No messages about Will." Harry holds up his phone. 

"That's cause I told Niall not to bother us unless it was an actual emergency." Louis said. 

"Louis! He could actually need to know something even if it's not an   
emergency." Harry said slapping his hands down on his lap.

"Babe just text him if you want to check in so badly." Louis said. 

"I'm going to." Harry said bringing up Niall's contact. 

Niall:   
How's my baby? I can't wait to see him thank you so much for watching him!! We'll be home tomorrow. xxx

Harry hit send and waited for a response. 10 minutes or so later there was no response via text. So Harry ended up calling him only to have it ring all the way through to voicemail. Harry felt his eyes water. 

"He's not answering Louis!" Harry said worriedly. 

Louis pulled into the restaurants car park and parked the car. 

"Maybe he's asleep or taking a shower or his phones on silent and he's in the other room with William." Louis suggested. 

Harry took a deep breath. 

"Yeah maybe your right I'll give them a few more minutes then try again." Harry said. 

Louis gave him a smile with a nod and wiped Harry's eyes with his thumb. 

"Come on let's go eat." Louis smiles. 

Harry grabbed his phone and Louis' even though Louis told him to keep his in the car. Harry still grabbed it and carried it inside. 

Once inside they were escorted to their private table in the back of the restaurant. They ordered their drinks. Louis got a soda and Harry got water and iced tea. They were given a few minutes to look over the menu. 

"It's a fancy place for my princess so order what you want." Louis says closing his menu. 

The place was indeed nice. Harry took a brief moment to take it in. It was fancy. The tables were sat up with wine glasses and a white table cloth made of actual cloth. The silverware was wrapped in a cloth napkin. The center piece was a crystal vase with pretty flowers in it of course they were real. The floors were polished and wooden. Harry loved it and really did feel like a princess. 

"It's lovely Lou." Harry finally said with a grateful smile. 

Louis reached across the table and laced his fingers in Harry's. 

"This week with you was great!" Louis said, "I don't what I would've done if you would have said no." 

"I thought about it hard." Harry says. 

"What was there to think about?" Louis asks. 

"W—" Harry starts but the waiter comes back with their drinks. 

"Ready to order?" the waiter asks with a friendly smile. 

"Yeah, uh," Harry begins looking at what he wanted "I'll have the chicken ceaser salad with a medium rare steak please." 

"For you?" the young boy questions pointing his pen at Louis. 

"Right um I'll have a steak as well cooked well done and um a baked potato." Louis shut his menu grabbing Harry's and handed it to the waiter. 

The waiter gave Harry a wink which ticked off Louis. 

"Fucking pest." Louis huffs quietly before taking a sip of his soda. 

"Lou?" 

"What? I don't anyone making flirty moves on you! You're mine and no one else's." Louis said sternly eyeing the young waiter across the restaurant. 

"I wasn't going to say anything about the waiter but okay," Harry pauses caressing Louis' hand with his thumb, "I was going to say I want to try some wine, I've never tried it before. I'll pay for the bottle of it." 

"Oh sorry, um I can get us a bottle it's no big deal." Louis says raising his hand to wave a waiter over hopefully not the same one. 

"Lou the steaks we got are like 20 each! I'll pay for the bottle, I know I'm your princess and you want to buy everything but your my king and I want to treat you as well." Harry smiles softly. 

A different waiter comes over to the table. 

"Right my fiancé would like a glass of?" Louis looked at him with a questioning look. 

"Red please." Harry says with a polite smile. 

"Coming right up." this waiter was a girl and Louis was grateful. 

She turned on her heel and walked to get the glass. 

"Why didn't you order a bottle?" Harry asked playing with Louis' fingers. 

"I've tried wine before and I hated it." Louis giggled. 

"When?" Harry smiled. 

"A while back at a party at the frat house some loser brought some and I gave it a try and totally hated it I spit it out the minute it hit my tongue. All over some girl next to me." 

Harry let out a squeaky laugh and Louis smiled widely. How fortunate he was to have this beautiful boy in front of him. Harry clapped a hand over his mouth when he realized it had came out loud. His cheeks turning a bright pink. 

"It's okay, no one is paying attention." Louis smiled. 

The waitress returned with Harry's wine. Louis turned his nose up at it but was ready to laugh when Harry sipped it if he didn't like it. 

Harry tipped the glass a little and the wine spilled over his tongue. He liked it. He swallowed sitting the glass down. 

"I like it!" Harry said. 

"Yuck!" Louis said again turning up his nose. 

"Some people like wine others don't." Harry pointed out with a quirk of the brow. 

"Whatever, back to what we were talking about before we were so rudely interrupted." Louis said. 

"I thought about it Louis, and you want the truth and that is that I was going to say no I knew what you were doing," Louis looks up suddenly a hurt look on his face "no Lou listen to me. I knew what you were doing before you even actually did it.... I was sure I was going to say no,but—" Louis stood up his eyes  full with water and hurt. 

"Lou listen to me." Harry stood up pleadingly. 

"For what?!" Louis snapped making everyone turn and look. 

"Louis stop it right now!" Harry said. 

"I went through all of this and you wanted to say no!" Louis yelled. 

"You're embarrassing me." Harry looked around at everyone watching them. 

Louis huffed angrily and picked up a cup and threw it. It smashed in pieces landing on the floor. Harry jumped he's never seen Louis like this before. 

"We're going home!" Louis said. 

He threw the money that was left in his wallet on the table and walked out. It was three hundreds sure it was enough for the cup and food. Harry felt like hell, he wanted to ball up on the floor and stay like that. 

Louis was hurt and angry and sad. He didn't want to waste another minute on this trip that was supposed all for his Harry. It seemed useless the proposal seemed like a total lie to him now. 

"Louis please listen to me." Harry begged from the passenger seat. 

"Just please be quiet I need to—" Louis said in a pleading tone, "I need to calm down." 

Harry tried Niall again at the restaurant still no answer. He didn't want to worry Louis again so he kept it to himself. After all Louis did need to calm down. 

Harry tried him again. 

"Heelloo?" Niall slurred through the receiver. 

"What the hell Niall are you drunk?! Where is my baby?" Harry urged. 

"Hims fines hims is ah-sleeep in the cribs where heee beeelong." he slurs. 

"Niall are you drunk? Who the hell is in our apartment?" Harry says angrily but protectively. 

Louis looks over at this the anger that was once on his face was still there but it was covered by the immediate concern and worry over his baby son at home. He hits the steering wheel and mumbles something, Harry couldn't make out. 

"Just mee ands a buddy." Niall says. 

"Niall! I trusted—we trusted you!" Harry half yells.

Louis jerks the phone out of his hand and begins speaking. 

"Niall your lucky I don't beat the shit out of you when we get back!" Louis snaps. 

"Donnt dos thats. I stopped drinking juss now my friend is leaving." Niall slurs sounding like a child learning to speak. 

"They better or I swear to god Niall," Louis spits "you'll be sorry." 

"I'm sorryy I just got bored." Niall says now talking right. 

"We're coming home tonight then you can leave." Louis says sternly. 

"'M sorry Lou. I really am." Nialls voice cracks, "it was only supposed to be one drink and it turned out to be more than that and I'm sorry Lou—" 

"Do not call me Lou!" Louis snaps interrupting Niall. 

"I love William, and you and Harry. I'm sorry!" Niall begs. 

Louis rubs his forehead as they pull off on the road where they lose service. 

"We'll talk when Harry and I get home." Harry hangs up the phone throwing it on the seat between Harry and him. 

Harry moves it and places his hand on Louis upper thigh squeezing it lightly. 

"I love you." Harry said with meaning. 

Louis looked at him with such sorrow in his eyes for not giving his boy the chance to speak and explain himself. He made a fool of himself and Harry. He felt horrible. 

"I'm sorry I made a fool of you and me at the restaurant I was stupid." Louis sniffled. 

"You scared me Lou." Harry said softly. 

"I know baby I'm sorry, I let my anger get the best of me. I should of let you explain." Louis said as they pulled into the drive of the cabin.

"Can I?" Harry asked nervously. 

Louis looks at him and sighs. 

"Let's go pack first explain on the way home." Louis says. 

Harry wanted to say it now but he just decided to leave it. He was still starving being they didn't eat a thing do to Louis' outburst. 

They eventually packed all their things and loaded them into the car and made it to the main office in time to give the keys back for the cabin. 

Louis breaks the silence that remained between them for at least 30 minutes. 

"Tell me Harry and I want the truth." Louis says nervously but with a soft tone. 

Authors note: (like anyone will read it) 

So this chapter is a bit long I wanted to kind of make it that way purposely. Umm as always I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!! 

Like for one what do you think about Louis getting so angry like that? 

Please comment 


	25. No Matter What

"I couldn't say no," Harry started he was going to tell him the whole truth, "I wanted to but I– when I saw how totally expectant and hopeful you were, how nervous you were I couldn't say no." 

Louis swallowed the dryness in this throat and waited for the boy to continue. 

"Why did you want to say no? I mean, I thought you were happy with me." Louis questioned. 

Harry nods slowly and takes a deep breath. 

"I am Lou, I am. I'm so happy with you but that's not why I wanted to say no." Harry began. 

"Then what?" Louis pushed eager. 

Harry sighed. 

"I don't think we are ready for such a commitment. Marriage is huge–"Harry was cut off. 

"We had William and we were only together for a few months not even close to a year." Louis said. 

"Yes and that just shows how totally reckless and naive we are or were..." Harry pauses a moment, "but we've changed a bit and here it is a year later today and we're getting married. I said yes because seeing you the way you were so nervous and hopeful and seeing you start to cry. And saying I hope you say yes. I couldn't say no Lou, I couldn't." Harry said. 

Louis stayed silent for a moment before talking. 

"So you said yes because I wanted you to?" Louis said. 

Harry shook his head. 

"I told you that's not only why Louis, I love you." Harry said. 

"I didn't give you that ring," Louis points to Harry's hand "just because I love you. Nope not at all I gave it to you because I want you," Louis paused "forever, and because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. To spend everyday proving how much you are to me. So our son can grow up and tell the story of how his parents were so damn naive and went overboard and had him, how months later we got engaged and his mum didn't want to–" "I want to marry you Louis Jesus Christ I want to!" Harry interrupted his eyes were glossed with tears. 

"Maybe I don't want to marry you right away but I do Louis. I will wear this ring to say I'm going to be yours forever. I want our son to grow up and tell people about his parents love story too but I don't him saying I didn't want to marry you when I did." Harry said grabbing Louis' hand and squeezing it. 

"So it's not a lie?" Louis asked sounding on edge. 

"No baby." Harry leaned over and kissed Louis' cheek. 

"I'm sorry." Louis said sounding guilty. 

"No you had every right to think the way you did. I appreciate everything you did. I loved it all even if it was over the top! I love you so much." Harry cooed. 

"I love you most. Now what did you mean by not getting married right away did you mean getting married after a year like normal or?" Louis questioned. 

Harry sighed. 

"I just want to wait I don't want rush things," Harry started, "a lot can happen in such a short amount of time." 

"Nothing will happen princess," Louis said taking the exit to London, but quickly looks over at Harry seeing an expression on his face begging almost, "what?" 

"I don't want to get married Lou not in one year." Harry states simply. 

"Then when?" Louis questions taking another turn the streets were becoming familiar now and Harry was getting excited. 

Excited to see his baby. 

"I don't know. When I'm ready." Harry said after a beat. 

Louis sighed. 

"I'll wait as long as it takes." Louis answered honestly. 

The car ride really flew by to them probably because they spent it talking about what you could say is everything. Louis did speed a little only because he was worried about drunk, upset Niall being around their five month old baby. 

5 minutes later they pulled into the car park and into a space. Louis hadn't even put the car in park before Harry jumped out and ran up to the apartment. Louis smiled at the boy because he knew he really missed William. He let out a giggle before getting out the car and getting their bags from the trunk and following the boy but at a much slower pace. 

Harry walked through the apartment ignoring Niall who was sat on the couch drinking water. Harry went straight to Williams room, William was sound asleep in his crib. Harry cooed at the baby who had his hand on his cheek and the other slung across his small chest. 

"Mummy missed you so much sweet boy." Harry whispered. 

He cursed to himself at Niall when he saw William didn't have his blanket on him and it was a little cool in his room. Groaning quietly he grabbed Williams blanket throwing it in the dryer to warm it up a bit. He gave it only two minutes cause that's all it needed. 

"Here you go Will," Harry whispered putting the blanket on his son, "I love you so much, daddy will be in just a bit to see you." 

Harry left the room leaving the door in a small crack before heading back to the living room to scold Niall. Who at least did have the baby monitor with him. Louis was already talking to him lowly about something. Harry sat next to him. 

"I'm sorry." Niall blurts out for the hundredth time tonight. 

Louis annoyingly shook his head. 

"Niall we know your sorry but getting drunk and inviting someone over to our flat without our knowledge when we told you not to doesn't cut it." Louis said. 

"Do you realize you could have gotten so drunk absentmindedly that you would maybe ignore our son crying down the hall?" Harry said. 

"Yes I realize that! Stop talking at me like I'm a child. I'm not!" Niall said sternly. 

"Oh we know your not but we trusted you Niall." Harry said. 

"William is okay though isn't that enough? It's not like I had a damn party at your flat geez." Niall huffed. 

"That doesn't matter Niall!" Louis snapped, "any responsible adult in their right mind wouldn't even drink when they have a baby to look after." 

Niall let out an are you serious laugh. 

"Speak for yourself Louis! Your the one who was stupid enough to get pregnant with someone who was originally just supposed to be a bet or so I heard." Niall scoffed. 

"Excuse me!" Louis snapped. 

"You heard me Louis." Niall said sternly. 

Louis couldn't believe the words coming out of Niall's mouth. It angered him. 

"You're pathetic." Niall said. 

"Get out!" Louis yelled loudly. 

Williams cry rang through the monitor. 

"Damn you Niall!" Harry huffed and walked to Williams room.

Luckily William went back down without any trouble just a quick rocking did the trick, however Louis was now yelling at Niall in the living room so Harry turned the monitor in Wills room up and shut the door completely. 

Going back into the living room he found Louis and Niall in a heated argument the both of them were in each other's faces. 

Niall laughed. 

"Were your proposal a bet too?" Niall hissed. 

Louis' fists were balled at his sides so hard you could see the white of his knuckles. 

"Maybe he is a bet!" Louis hissed. 

"What?" Harry felt the lump in his throat grow. 

Louis was boiling, fuming with anger. All he was seeing was red. 

"It was all a lie!" Louis hissed and Harry felt the tears sting his eyes. 

Harry started crying. Niall was calmer but he could see this needed to stop. 

"You were a fucking bet, our son is nothing!" Louis' face was red. 

Harry ran back to the room to their room. He wasn't staying here. He felt sick to his stomach suddenly the words made him feel sick. He ran out the room to the bathroom and threw up. He ran back to the bedroom. Packing his clothes or as much of his close that would fit and his stuff from the bathroom. He still had Williams to pack. 

He rushed with his grabbing all his diapers he could, loads of clothes he didn't bother being neat about the packing. He was in a rush and wanted to leave. He finally got enough and carefully put William in his carrier he did cry but Harry knew once they got in the car he'd be fine. 

He heard a loud crash of dishes come from the kitchen. He walked with all the bags and William. Louis was still throwing things and Niall was just there. 

Harry was hurt and walking to his car he nearly collapsed in a ball on the ground. Everything in Harry just wanted break down. He really loved Louis and hoped like hell it was only his anger. 

Harry pulled out his phone and texted Louis. 

Lou 


	26. I'm not going to change for you Mum

Harry couldn't really sleep at all that entire night. He just laid there in a mess of covers and let his mind take over his thoughts. 

When the sun creeped through the crack of the curtains he groaned and scooted deeper into the covers. He could hear his name being called from downstairs probably for breakfast. He honestly wasn't hungry. 

Eventually he fell asleep underneath the covers still hugging the pillow tightly even though it was morning. He took himself to a better place where Louis and him were happy. Where they would chase each other around the apartment. 

Louis however had a nightmare that left him awake and he couldn't go back to sleep. He couldn't get it out of his head what he had done and the look on Harry's face. He hated himself for not chasing after him he knew that's what Harry wanted. 

He reached for his phone off the night stand. He dialed and waited for an answer. 

"Hello?" Jays voice answered. 

"Mum," Louis said letting every emotion he felt show in his voice, "I've fucked up." Louis cried. 

"What do you mean L, what did you do?" Jay questioned with a gentle tone.

"I messed up, I-", Louis started crying again, "I told Harry he really was a bet, that our son was nothing." 

"Louis darling," Jay began, "do you love him?" 

"Yes mum I do so much I want to marry him. I've asked his hand he said yes, but I don't think he will forgive me for what I've said to him." Louis said. 

"Go to him Louis, don't sit there and expect him to come walking back in. You go to him L, if you love him as much as you say you must go after him." Jay said. 

"Mum I don't know where he is." Louis said feeling helpless. 

"My boy if I were him and I needed some where to go, I'd go to my only other home." Jay assured. 

"Thank you mum, so much, but what if he doesn't want to see me?" Louis started thinking about all the bad things. 

He heard Jay giggle. 

"What's funny?" Louis questioned. 

"You overthinking things love is what's funny. Now I do believe you should get going." Jay reminded him. 

"Right okay bye mum I-" Louis stopped himself. 

"I love you too." Jay said before hanging up. 

I didn't say I love you Louis thought. Louis quickly packed a small bag and wasted no time getting to his car. He remembered that there was still the broken dishes on the kitchen floor. 

It was too late to go quickly clean it up but Harry already knew about them. 

With slight speeding it took Louis a little over 2 and a half hours to get there. He rang the doorbell and Gemma answered with William in her arms. William smiled at his daddy and Louis cooed. 

"I know what you're doing here and I'm surely not going to stop you." Gemma smiled. 

Louis wrapped her in a hug thanking her over and over. 

"He's been asleep for a while so you let him sleep he needs it, he was asleep when I went in to grab a diaper for him ten minutes ago." Gemma said. 

Louis nodded and kissed his son on the cheek. 

"I love you my son." Louis said with meaning. 

"Upstairs and last door on the left." Gemma said before walking off somewhere. 

Louis walked up the stairs quietly and to the last door on the left. He opened it quietly. Sure enough Harry was still asleep, Louis could see his mop of curls underneath the covers. Louis shut the door quietly and saw a small arm chair in the corner. He made himself at home in the chair. He passed time by taking Harry's laptop out but a slight shine from the sun hitting something in a pocket caught his eye. He quietly unzipped the pocket and put the laptop aside and reached inside the pocket. His hand found the object and pulled it out. 

It was Harry's ring. Louis' eyes began watering. A million questions ran through his head. Was he really going to leave him? 

"L-Louis! NO! STOP!" Harry's horrid screams filled the room he was thrashing through the air. 

Before Louis could think he was at the bed. Wrapping his arms around Harry to wake him. 

"Haz baby wake up, you're dreaming." Louis said softly. 

Harry was panting and sweating. He opened his eyes quickly and looked up at the boy. 

"Lou?" Harry was still tense under Louis, "what are you doing here?" 

"I-" Louis was at a loss for words, "I came here because I should've went after you the moment you left the apartment with our son." 

Harry sat up and looked at him. There was now space between them. 

"You hurt me Louis just like you always do." I said. 

"I know but–" Louis paused. 

"But what Louis?" I pushed. 

"But were you going to leave me?" Louis holds up the ring. 

"I told you before Louis that I could never leave you, I just needed time away from you. It seems we both need it." Harry explains reaching for the ring and Louis let's him have it. 

"So why did you take it off then?" Louis questioned. 

"Because looking at it made me think it wasn't really anything that we," I said waving between us, "meant nothing, that our son meant nothing."

Louis shook his head. The tears flooding his eyes again. 

"Baby the only lie was me saying that. What we have is real! I love you more than anything. You two are my everything." Louis cried harder into his hands.  

I leaned over and kissed Louis' hair. 

"You'll always hurt me Louis, I know. I swear to you that no matter what happens I'll love you baby so much so much." I said and Louis looked at me with watery eyes. 

I pressed my forehead to Louis' and nodded. Louis grazed his lips against Harry's. I licked his and Louis connected our lips. I could taste the salt in Louis' tears. 

"I love you no matter what." Louis whispered against his lips. 

I slid back on the ring slowly. They pulled back from each other. 

"What took you so long to get here?" I asked. 

"Stupidity." Louis answered flatly. 

I shrug. 

"I was waiting on you to come wanting you to come the minute I got here." I admitted. 

"What was your nightmare about? You screamed my name and said no." Louis questioned hooking his arm around my waist. 

"Those boys that chased me that day," I began and looked down, "you got jumped by them and a few others and no one would help you I was being held back." 

"I'm okay though." Louis assured. 

"I know Lou but you know the last time I had these bad dreams and stuff I got hurt. I don't want you by yourself anymore." I said letting my worry show in my voice. 

"I can take–" Louis began but was cut off. 

Harry got up and stood in front of him. 

"Suppose they have a gun just like Liam did, suppose they didn't just shoot you in the shoulder but in your heart or some other vital spot! You can't take of yourself Louis! We had no idea Liam had a gun until the last minute! There was nothing we could do!" I said loudly tears streamed down his cheeks. 

Louis stood up and wrapped Harry in a hug. 

"I'm sorry princess." Louis said. 

"I can't lose you Louis! The pain I felt from just this felt horrible and I don't want to feel the pain I would if you-" Louis cut him off by kissing me softly and deep. 

"Shsh. Don't think about that." Louis said. 

Louis kissed Harry all over his face causing Harry to giggle. 

"I haven't showered in a proper day so I need one! Then I need to go check my email for a reply from Mrs.Bramble." I said now feeling a bit happier. 

 

"Aye mind if I join you?" Louis quirked a brow. 

"Aye don't you have a son to go take care of?" I said playfully standing up and heading towards the dresser for some clothes and my bad full of my necessary shower stuff. 

"Your sister can take of him for just a few minutes come on baby, we haven't showered together in ages." Louis pouted. 

I rolled my eyes at his childish act and bit my lip. 

"I don't have my own bathroom so no naughty business." I said pointing a finger. 

"Yeah, yeah." Louis said sneakily grabbing the condom from his pocket and following behind Harry to the bathroom down the hall. 

Harry started the water and let it warm up. He and Louis stripped awkwardly. Harry turned around just to check the water but as soon as he did Louis was behind him. 

"What are you doing?" I said gasping as Louis teasingly peppered kisses down my neck. 

Louis pinned me against the wall so I couldn't move. Attacking my lips with his I moaned into his beautiful mouth. 

"Shhh! They might hear us." Louis teased as he trailed his kisses down my stomach and stopping just above my dick. 

I quickly stepped into the shower not wanting my moans to be heard further. Louis placed the still wrapped condom on the shelf of the shower. I stepped under the water letting it cascade down my body. Louis let his lips find my neck and kissed it gently. I bit my lip wanting to take him right then but the pleasure of his lips exploring my body was amazing. 

Louis wrapped his mouth around me by surprise and I let out a small moan. I laced my fingers through his hair and pulled it gently earning a moan from Louis. He reaches for the condom on the shelf and slid it over his length. I frowned. 

"What's wrong princess?" Louis said. 

"I-" I started but shut my mouth. 

"What?" Louis pushed. 

"I just wanted to blow you a little but it's okay." Harry said feeling the ache in his length and the warm feeling in his stomach. 

"I'm sorry princess what about later?" Louis offered. 

Harry nodded and got more kisses before Louis finally slid into him. I felt the slight pinch and relaxed as Louis began sliding in and out. Slow at first then faster. I throw back my head once he hits the right spot and come undone within minutes. Louis plants sloppy kisses on my lips as he comes undone and says my name over and over. 

"I love you." I say with a smile. 

"I love you most." he returns a smile. 

We finish our shower quickly and get dressed. Louis grabs my hand and squeezes it. 

"You remember that time we both said I love you no matter what way before this?" Louis questions. 

"Yeah." I smile. 

"Well that was the night I realized you were everything to me." Louis giggled. 

"Okay Nicholas Sparks lets go down stairs I'm starved." I said buttoning the last button on my shirt. 

"We may need to get our son from your sister we leave him with her any longer who knows what more shes going to do." Louis giggled as they held hands walking out Harry's room. 

 

They were met with Anne walking down the long hall. 

 

"Hi mum." I smiled. 

 

"Hi." Anne said simply.

"Mrs. Twist." Louis greeted. 

"I see everything's all good again." Anne's voice was flat and unreadable to both Harry and Louis. 

I nodded not wanting my mother to ruin things more. 

"We're going to the kitchen to get something to eat." I said pulling Louis along. 

Anne was really cringing at Louis. She didn't like him but she knew there was nothing she could really do about it. 

"Hello Harry! Haven't seen you around here in ages!" one of the maids said. 

"There's so many of you I can't remember who you are. I'm sorry." I said feeling embarrassed. 

"It's Annette you loved my chicken dishes when I made them either my soups or pastas you loved it! You would make me make you those every time I was here! Would you like a dish right now? I'm not doing anything." Annette smiled. 

 

I looked at Louis who licked his lips in approval. 

"Yes I'd love some! How about some of that garlic roasted chicken pasta?" I raised a brow. 

"Right absolutely! I'll come get you when it's done!" Annette smiled turning on her heel to go start. 

 

"Annette love, have you seen my sister?" I questioned wanting to see his baby. 

"Um I think she just left on a walk with your beautiful boy!" Annette said. 

"Right thank you she shouldn't be gone long then." I said. 

Harry and Louis made themselves at home on the couch in one of the rooms. The house was so big too big. 

"So you don't plan on staying here long do you?" Louis asked after too long of silence. 

I remained silent. I did but I knew if I told him that he'd say no. I had to tell him though. 

"Yes, just a few more days Lou. I'm so tired of being so distant with my mum when we used to be so close." I admitted opening my laptop to check my email. 

"Oh." Louis said flatly. 

"I'm thinking if my email says she'd love for me to come back I won't be able to pay for the whole thing to finish it and be able to teach classes of my own to children like I dream of doing. I don't just want her to pay for everything I want her back in my life." I said. 

Louis sighed and nodded. 

"Whatever you do just be careful." Louis said pulling Harry into a cuddle. 

I rested my head against his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. I haven't seen Robin at all since we've been here. Only mum and Gemma and a few of the servants. 

"There you two are!" Annette smiled, "your lunch is ready." 

"Right thank you." I said with a smile and got up with Louis. 

We walked into the kitchen and found our plates fixed and ready on the counter. We took them back to the living room, and ate. 

Louis shoved a big forkful into his mouth and made a face. 

"What's wrong with it?" I questioned putting another forkful in my mouth. 

"It doesn't taste good." Louis said putting the plate down on the coffee table. 

"I think it's delicious it's one of my favorite dishes of hers." I said. 

"I don't like whatever is in it." Louis said sitting back. 

"I can go fix you something else if you want?" I offered. 

Louis nodded and followed me to the kitchen. I put my now empty plate in the sink and put Louis' on the counter for me to finish. 

"What do you want to eat?" I questioned. 

"I don't know hmm, pizza." Louis said. 

I rolled my eyes at his choice of food. I grab a frozen pizza from the freezer and turn on the oven. 

"It will be a little bit." I said sitting at the counter. 

Eventually his personal pizza finishes and I cut it for him. He scarfs it down quickly and finishes it with a loud burp. 

"That's attractive." I giggle taking his plate to the sink. 

"Sorry can't help it was good." Louis said giggling too. 

We ended up back on the couch and with William this time. Gemma arrived back just as we walked into the living room. 

Louis had the baby in his arms. 

"My baby boy." Louis cooed. 

"My boys." I smiled at them. 

Louis leaned over and kissed me. He deepened it and teased my lips with his tongue making me giggle. 

"My princess." Louis said against my lips. 

I kissed him again because even though it had only been a little bit since we last kissed I missed it. The taste of his lips on mine and how they fit so perfectly. Like we were made for each other. 

"I've missed you Lou so much." I say kissing him. 

I was still aware of William between us. So Louis put him on the floor to play. I climb on his lap straddling him. Our kiss turning into a make out. Heated. 

"I've missed you too princess." Louis whispered against my lips. 

"If you two don't mind I'd love for you not to do that in my house!" Anne boomed from behind them. 

How long has been there? I thought. Getting off Louis' lap.

"Were you watching us?!" I asked letting my annoyance show. 

"Long enough to get fed up." Anne answered crossing her arms. 

"Mum we just had a problem and we've made up." I said. 

"I don't care Harry, don't do that in my house!" Anne snapped. 

"Why do you hate me mum?!" I yelled and William started crying. 

Louis picked William up and he stopped.

"Why mum?!" Harry repeated just as loud. 

"Because-" Anne started. 

"Because why mum tell me?! All I've ever wanted so many times was you, when I got shot I wanted you there when I lost my best friend I wanted you there! And you weren't there!" I started crying. 

"Because you're nothing I want you to be! The day you entered Ballet you became a disappointment! I never wanted my boy to be what he is! Look at you! You're in love with a poor boy, you've had his kid!" Anne snapped. 

"I love Louis mum and he loves me! We don't regret our son! Not one bit in fact he's the best thing that's ever happened to us! I love Ballet and no matter what you say I'm not giving it up! I have all I need in my life mum a car, a decent home, a family, except you I don't have you and I want you." I said tears streaming down my cheeks. 

Anne looked at the boy silently and looked at Louis. 

"I'm well aware that you don't who I am mum but I'm not going to change. Please mum." I got on my knees in front of her. 

Anne finally broke down all her guilt from leaving her son showed as she too fell next to Harry and cried hugging her boy. 

"I'm so sorry, so sorry." Anne sobbed. 

I didn't accept the apology right off. I could but didn't. I couldn't as much as I wanted to. 

"I was so stupid and wrong for not talking to you because you took up Ballet. I'm no mother for doing that to you." Anne said. 

I shook my head Louis was now sat on the sofa again with William. I however was still on the floor with my mum. 

"It was wrong mum, I hated you for the longest time." I admit. 

"Do you still hate me?" Anne sniffled. 

"I don't know mum, you have a lot to do before I can say otherwise." I said with a shrug. 

She nods and stands to her feet and so do I. 

"What do I need to do, to show you I'm truly sorry?" Anne asked unsure. 

"I can't tell you that, it's something you need to figure for yourself." I said turning on my heel and leaving her alone to think. 

I can only hope she really is sorry because if she isn't I'm done trying to get something that may very well be nothing. 

Authors note: 

I really don't like writing with the I as Harry. So I'm going to continue writing it using Harry walked or Harry said for example. 

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU REALLY THINK ANNE IS GOING TO STEP UP LIKE HARRY WANTS HER TO!!! DO YOU THINK LOUIS BELIEVES IT? BEING HOW PROTECTIVE HE IS. 

Keep reading and voting! 

All the love B xxx


	27. I'm ready to marry you

"I don't believe this little act she's putting on Harry not one bit." Louis said as he laid sleeping William in his pack and play. 

"You don't have to believe it Louis, I do." Harry said from the edge of the bed. 

Louis sighed hard. 

"I just don't trust her." Louis said. 

"Again Louis you don't have to I do." Harry said pointing to his own chest. 

"Yes I do," Louis argued "you are my fiancé and I think I've got a right to worry about what you do and don't do." 

"She's my mum Lou, you don't see me arguing with you about you talking to your mum do you?" Harry pointed out. 

"I made my own choice of doing so." Louis said stupidly. 

Harry and Louis both made their own choices of talking to their mums again. Neither of them were forced to.

"I did too." Harry said shaking his head. 

"I want you to be happy Haz, but it's just after all your mum has done and said to you I don't know if I can trust her." Louis said looking down. 

"I'm giving her one more chance just one more. If she messes it up then no more chances. I'll continue to talk to Gemma but not her." Harry explained. 

"I talked to my mum before I came here." Louis said. 

"Oh?" Harry said wanting to know more. 

"I called her up, because I felt so horrible and I wasn't sure if I should of came after you or just let you come back on your own." Louis explained. 

"What if I didn't?" Harry said raising a brow. 

"I would've came after you eventually." the boy said. 

"If your mum didn't tell you to come you wouldn't of came at all you would've just waited?" Harry questioned. 

Louis nodded. 

"I'm miserable without you." Louis said softly. 

Harry smiled at him and kissed his cheek before taking his laptop out and logging into his email. Louis wrapped his arm around the boys waist pecking his shoulder with a kiss before resting his head on him. 

Harry's eyes widened when he saw he had a reply from Mrs. Bramble. He read it out loud. 

From Mrs.Bramble: 

I'm replying in regards to the previous email. I would love for you to come back, however you would not be my lead as I have found another dancer for that position. 

Mrs. Bramble. 

Harry sighed disappointed. 

"I'm not going back there!" Harry said annoyed. 

"You don't have to, I think you're the best dancer ever." Louis said. 

"I can't believe her!" Harry slammed his laptop shut. 

"Babe calm down I'm sure there's other schools you can go to." Louis said calmly. 

"Yeah most likely private which are more expensive." Harry said. 

"You just said you would get your mum to help you if things got better and as far as I can see they are." Louis reminded him.

"Fuck Ballet I'm done with it!" Harry was being a little irrational. 

"Babe come on don't throw it away because you didn't get back in where you wanted." Louis said. 

Harry sighed feeling the tears in his eyes. Louis pulled him into his chest and cuddled him. 

"I'll even try and help as much as I can baby, yes a private school may be expensive but we can do it. I want you to have your dream." Louis said softly. 

Louis grabbed the laptop from Harry and opened it. Typing into the search bar Ballet schools in or close to London. He found a few one wasn't private school in fact it was a small studio it was privately owned and semi cheap and Harry could go there and get what he needs to teach a Ballet class of his own. 

"We could do this one babe without your mums help." Louis explained. 

"Where is it?" Harry questioned resting his head on Louis' shoulder. 

"Right in London just a few minutes from the apartment." Louis said with a smile. 

"It's £150 for the class I need. You sure we can do that?" Harry questioned. 

"I think so if I put in extra time we could." 

Harry nodded. 

"So? Do you want to sign up?" Louis questioned. 

Harry nodded with a smile. Louis slid the laptop over on Harry's lap. Harry took about 20 minutes to finish signing up for it. Louis gave him a smile. 

"I've got this really good feeling that it's all going to work out princess." Louis smiled and pecked the boys lips. 

"I hope your right." Harry said. 

Louis leaned back on the pillows of the bed, patting beside him for Harry to join him. They stayed like that for the longest time, until Anne knocked softly on the door. 

"Come in." Harry said. 

Anne walked in and smiled falsely at William playing on the bed in front of Harry and Louis. Anne forgot why she came in here and stood awkwardly. 

"Did you need to something?" Louis questioned. 

"I've decided as a way of paying you back all the grief I've given you to pay for all the Ballet classes you need." Anne said. 

You couldn't of said that earlier? Harry thought. 

"Oh, um," Harry was at a lost on how to say that they've already paid for classes for a month.

"Mrs. Twist I've already paid for one class for a month and will have to every month." Louis spoke up. 

"I'll pay the other classes until he is done!" Anne said sternly. 

"Mum you don't–" Harry said. 

"Yes I do." Anne said simply. 

She started towards the door and stopped. 

"Tell me your billing information and I'll pay off the rest, dinner will be ready in a bit." Anne said. 

"I don't think–" Harry began again. 

"Enough Harry please accept it, it's my way of saying sorry for everything." Anne said and left. 

"She's starting to give me whiplash with her sudden mood changes towards me." Harry laughed. 

Louis did too. They watched their baby play and smile up at them. They were so in love with their baby boy. They would protect him from anything. 

"He looks so much like you and I love it but hate it sometimes." Harry smiled at the boy. 

"Why?" Louis scrunched his brows. 

"I'm just sad because I wanted to have at least my eyes or something but instead he has just my hair." Harry said with a giggle. 

"Well he was just made like that I guess," Louis smiled "we made him and he came out like that." Louis said softly. 

Harry smiled at the baby. 

"He's every bit of perfect to me." Harry said kissing the baby's head. 

"I'm glad we made him, I don't ever regret creating something so precious with you. You two are the best things that has ever happen to me." Louis pressed a kiss on Harry's lips. 

"I love you so much." Harry giggled.

"I love you more baby." Louis said caressing Harry's face. 

"Lou?" Harry said once they settled into a nice cuddle on the bed. 

"Yes princess?" Louis said. 

"I'm ready." Harry said flatly. 

"Ready? Ready for what?" Louis said confused. 

"Forever, I'm ready to marry you Louis." Harry looked up at him. 

"What? Are you serious?" Louis was screaming on the inside. 

"I'm very serious. I know Louis I've come to realize we will fight and feel like we hate each other from time to time but I'm ready for forever with you. I'm really ready I've realized I want you as my husband a permanently forever!" Harry said. 

"Oh my god!" Louis said excitedly. 

Harry smiled so hard it hurt his cheeks. 

"Let's start planning everything, telling everyone." Harry said. 

Louis kissed Harry over and over on the lips excitedly. 

"I'm ready Lou." Harry said. 

Harry and Louis planned on telling Anne at dinner then they would go tell Johannah on the way home. They planned the telling with in a few minutes. They needed to plan everything else however. The bigger things. Both were excited. 

William was going to be the ring carrier. Gemma would be Harry's maid of honor. Niall if Louis and him made up would be Louis' best man. Each decided they would wear different colored tuxes Harry's would be white Louis' would be black or grey. 

~ 

Eventually rolled around William was asleep so they kept one of their phones in the room on call with the other so they could hear if Will woke up. They sat beside each other. They waited until dessert was served. 

"I have an announcement." Harry spoke up. 

"Well what is it?" Robin said swallowing some cake. 

"Louis and I are getting married." Harry said squeezing Louis' hand under the table. 

Anne dropped her fork absentmindedly and it landed on the plate with a loud clank. 

"Someone say something!" Louis said after the silence was too long.

"I've got nothing to say." Robin said. 

"I can't wait!" Gemma chirped leaning over and kissing her brothers cheek. 

Harry smiled and Anne just sat there quietly. 

"Gemma will you be my maid of honor?" Harry smiled. 

"Of course!" Gemma smiled. 

"Mum?" Harry said. 

"I knew you were engaged I just," Anne said "I just didn't know you were going to so soon. I'm um happy for you." 

"Don't you dare lie." Louis said. 

"I really am I swear." Anne said sounding serious. 

Louis nodded. 

"June 8th, 2018." Harry said. 

"We decided we want it to be warm so we all don't look like eskimos." Louis joked. 

"We're leaving tomorrow." Harry said. 

"But why? You've just got here." Anne said. 

"Because Louis has to work tomorrow and his boss won't let him off. I've got class." Harry lied. 

He really didn't have class until Wednesday and Louis didn't work again until Tuesday. That suffocating feeling was still lingering here and there was this feeling floating between Anne and them as well. 

"Thank you for dinner it was good." Harry said awkwardly and stood up. 

"Very good." Louis agreed and stood up with Harry. 

They said good night and went in for the night. 

"Your mum definitely isn't happy about us." Louis smiled. 

"I don't understand her, or her reasons." Harry said starting to pack the bags. 

"I thought you said tomorrow?" Louis questioned. 

"I did but I'm just packing now so we don't have to in the morning." Harry said zipping the suitcase. 

Harry had given her the billing info for Anne to continue to pay for his Ballet. Harry eventually finished packing and set out outfits for him, Louis, and Will. 

Louis some how felt Anne was just putting on an act. He felt she wanted to get Harry in deep again and destroy him. Louis wasn't going to allow that. 

"I'll be back in a bit." Louis said standing and going to the door. 

"Where you going?" Harry questioned snuggling into the blanket. 

"I'm not going to lie I'm going to talk to your mum." Louis said. 

"What for?" Harry asked. 

"I want to make sure she doesn't hurt you." Louis said putting his hand on the knob. 

"Don't you think you should wait before you go and be Mr. Mighty?" Harry said. 

"I want to make sure Harry that she doesn't hurt you again." Louis said softly. 

Harry nodded and with that Louis exited the room. 

Louis found Anne and they talked for what seemed like hours. Anne assured Louis she was going to change and become better. That she really was sorry for everything. Louis playfully warned her that she best not be putting on some act. They ended the chat with a nice hug and he kissed Anne on the cheek. 

"How did it go?" Harry questioned when Louis came back an hour later. 

"I think she really is trying and she understands why we are so on edge." Louis said taking his shirt off. 

Louis slid off his jeans and climbed into bed in just his boxers, Harry was only in his as well. 

"How about that blow job you promised I could give you?" Harry smirked and giggled. 

"I'd absolutely love one princess." Louis said with a smile. 

They were both so ready for the rest of forever. 

 

Authors note: IMPORTANT PLEASE DO NOT SKIP OVER THIS! 

So I'm cutting a few things I've thrown a couple of chapters into this one and then the next one might be the last one. Meaning I will again throw what was supposed to be like the last two chapters into the next one. By doing flashbacks and forwarding. Then a brief writing bit of them finding their suits and what not. Okay? Sound good? 

And

I'm starting this other story after this one. It's going to be called Mr. Styles so if you love smut I suggest giving it a read. It will not be posted until after this one is done! 

Please continue to read and vote! 

All the love B. xxx


	28. June 8th, 2018

Telling Johanna was the easiest part of it all, she was over the moon she started crying when we told her.

Louis ended up asking Lottie to be part of the wedding too. It was the least way he could repay her for what he did to her that time. Things came together for both the families. Everything bad was now behind them. Lottie and Louis officially made up in a teary hug. They exchanged I love you's. 

~

Flashback 

"Watch where your going!" he snaps his accent is definitely one of those from Doncaster.

I know exactly who it is. I look to see Louis his arms crossed over his chest as I try to grab my body wrap from under his foot. He doesn't lift his foot. He stands there with an evil smirk across his damned face.

"Please lift your foot." I say as calmly and politely as possible even though I hate his guts. 

Ever since he saw me practicing in the dorm when he visited Liam, he's gave me nothing but hell. Never once in front of Liam though. Probably cause he knows Liam would give it to him.

"I said lift your foot please I'm not going to ask again." I say letting my annoyance show.

He lets out a laugh.

"Or what? Your-" Niall his best friend places a hand on his shoulder.

"Let him go." he says looking down.

"Niall you know to not tell me what to do." he warns lifting his foot. 

End of flashback

Harry remembered that day perfectly it was the day they first met. Reminiscing everything over again just like it were written down for him to read in his mind was his own story book of how he fell in love with someone he thought he'd never come to love. Now though he loved him more than anything and staring at his suit just a day before the wedding he thought now would was just the perfect time to go back to everything. He closed his eyes again and continued the flashbacks. 

Flashback

"L-Louis I uh don't want any trouble. P-please let me go." I hug my things closer.

He stares at me with those icey blues directly into my eyes. I squirm trying to get out of his grip. Shit he's strong.

"Louis let me go, stop looking at me." I say turning my head away from his stare.

His arm is against my neck the other is at his side. His knee is under my crotch. If I wasn't hugging my things I could smack him hard enough to where he falls but I can't. He starts leaning forward his face is almost sad but angry at the same time. I shake my head from side to side. He is not kissing me! No way!

"Pretty little pwincess is scared." he slurs.

"Don't call me that!" I snap.

"You stop being so troubling to Liam you hear me, you've ruined his night. I can't have you doing that." he warns.   
"Why do you do this to me?" I question trying to reconcile with him calmly.

He laughs.

"I enjoy ruining your perfect little life you have going on." he says with an evil smile.

This made Harry snap. Nothing about his life was perfect.

Harry dropped his things giving Louis a hard push to the floor.

"You think my life is perfect! You are dead wrong! Not a single thing in my life is perfect and it's not because of you either! You are disgusting! You think its perfectly fine to harass me and degrade me and push me around! Louis you are cold, you have taken my only fucking friend from me! You are horrible!" I yell.

He scrambles to his feet slamming me hard and violently against the wall making me whimper in pain.

Louis almost spilled, almost finally broke down and told everything. About how his dad cheated on his mum too many times, about how his mum struggles taking care of the kids. About everything, but he didn't. Instead he didn't he got up angry with himself he walked out leaving Harry alone. He can't do it and he won't tell him anything. Louis thought. Louis felt something, something like guilt, and sorrow.

Harry was shocked. He did see tears in Louis' eyes but why was he crying now? He gathered his things going straight to bed thinking about what he saw in Louis' face after he had yelled at him. He went to bed with Louis on his mind.

End of flashback

That was the day Harry fell in love with him. He saw the need in Louis' eyes. He saw the love in Louis' eyes. Louis saw the love in his. Little did Harry know that was the day Harry came into his heart and stayed. 

Flashback

"You are already hurting me Louis for fooling me just now," he points to the spot where he nearly kissed him "you are a coward Louis and a good one! You hide from your feelings and I won't be victim."

Harry started to walk away but he was pulled back, his hood knocked off in the process making his head soaked from the rain. Louis looked at him I'm not a coward he thought. I'm not I won't hide anymore.....

His lips met Harry's it was a slow heated deep kiss.

Harry was caught of guard but he didn't break the kiss. He deepened it by taking over leading the kiss, his lips surrounding Louis'. He pulled back when Louis broke the kiss.

Louis wanted to kiss Harry again. In fact he wanted to kiss him over and over. He wouldn't though. He wanted to earn Harry he surely didn't deserve him now.

"I want you Harry."

Harry didn't know what to say because the kiss said it all. Harry did still feel the little hate he had for Louis as he stood in the rain looking in front of him.

Harry and Louis exchanged numbers before Louis left leaving Harry standing there watching the taillights disappear. Harry wouldn't admit it but he wanted that hateful boy also. 

End of flashback

Harry found himself rubbing his lips at the end of the flashback and quickly put his hand back on his lap with a giggle. Then put his head back and laid on the bed of their apartment he was alone with William and would be until tomorrow. Louis and Harry hadn't seen each other for two days. They were both eager and weren't allowed to even chat on the phone. 

Flashback to the day William was born 

"I've missed days with you little one, mummy isn't going to miss anymore I promise." he kissed his head gently.

End of Flashback

Harry remembered when he woke up and how his stomach felt empty and weird. How he had this strong urge to hold his little one and never let him go. He promised he wouldn't miss another important day with him from then on and he didn't he kept his promise. He never let William down once. Even if he was a baby and didn't know anything really. He kept it. He remembered the day in the mountains when Louis told him he didn't want their son to be like him but Harry didn't care really what he was like or who he looked like. He wanted their son to grow up and fall in love and be strong like his father and have a heart like his mum. William is everything they both needed. He traced his finger over the scar on his chest where Liam had shot him and frowned but in a way Will was a reminder of how life can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. So Harry lived everyday as if it were his last, he lived like this for Liam. 

Wedding day

"Harry darling, your tie is horrendous let me fix it." Anne said with a smile. 

"Oi, I don't like ties anyway Louis isn't wearing one why should I?" Harry pouted. 

Anne laughed at his childish mood and fixed his tie. 

"Because I want my boy to look his best today." Anne smiled. 

"Well now I'm all ready, got my white suit and tie and my hair is fixed." Harry smiled at his man bun. 

He missed his long hair a lot. He was glad it was back and he didn't plan on cutting it short again. 

~

"So you and Harry aren't doing personal vows?" Jay asked. 

"No we already know how much we love each other and so we thought vows was stupid and took too much to write down. Plus a lot of people don't do personal vows." Louis giggled. 

"Well if you're ready it's time to head on out to that meadow." Jay said with a smile. 

Louis took a deep breath. 

"Yeah I'm ready." he said and they walked out. 

He reached the top of the isle and he thought he might pass out from the nervousness. When the music started playing for Harry to come out some how all of that faded away. Seeing Harry smiling with tears in his eyes as he walked to him brought excitement. Excitement that Harry would soon be his husband in less then 10 minutes. He cooed when he saw William who was now one walking with Lottie and Gemma with the pillow of rings. Gemma and Lottie looked gorgeous. Finally Harry reached him after what seemed like forever. 

They joined hands as they were told by the officiant. Harry and Louis totally zoned all words except when told to say I do and the best part of it all putting the rings on and kissing. 

"with the power vested in me I now pronounce you man and husband. You may now kiss your bride!" the officiant said. 

Louis took Harry's face between his hands and leaned in. 

"I love you forever princess." Louis said with watery eyes. 

"I love you forever." Harry said. 

Louis kissed him they were now forever and they couldn't be happier. 

"Ladies and gentlemen I now present to you, Mr. and Mr. Tomlinson!" the officiant said. 

"I'm Harry Tomlinson now." Harry said excitedly as they walked back out of the isle. 

"You're my husband." Louis cooed. 

6 years later 

"Louis I'm home!" Harry yelled as he walked through the door way of their house. 

Harry and Louis moved into a bigger place after they got the news that Harry was pregnant again. In fact Harry went today to find out what they were having and Louis picked up William who was now 7 from soccer practice. 

"Hey beautiful." Louis said with a smile as he walked down the hall into the living room where Harry was. 

Louis placed his hand on Harry's 5 month belly. He was carrying bigger with this baby but he carried smaller with William. He knew why but he waited to tell Louis until today. 

Harry pulled out a scan picture and handed it to Louis. 

"What does it say Louis?" Harry smiled widely. 

"I-" Louis' eyes watered, "it's oh my god it's a girl a little baby girl." 

"Y-yes. I knew deep inside it was because everything felt different this time from when I had William." 

"I gave William his first name so you give her, her name." Harry smiled. 

"Avery," Louis said quickly, "I really like the name Avery." 

"I love that name Lou, it's beautiful." Harry smiled. 

"Avery Johannah Tomlinson." Louis smiled. 

"I love it baby." Harry kissed his cheek. 

"We have to tell William." Louis said wrapping his arm around his waist. 

"Okay," Harry said, "William come to the living room!" 

William already knew Harry was pregnant he just didn't know what the baby was. 

"What?" William said rudely. 

"Change that attitude right now!" Louis said warning him.

"I'm sorry, what did you need mum." William corrected himself. 

"You know how I'm pregnant right?" Harry began.

William was getting excited and Harry and Louis smiled. 

"Well you're having a little sister." Harry smiled.

"What's going to be her name?" Will asked. 

"Her name is going to be Avery Johannah Tomlinson." Louis said. 

William clapped his hands together excitedly. 

"I can't wait until she's older, then I can pick on her." William said. 

Harry and Louis laughed at the boy. They had their perfect little family. Harry had his ballet studio teaching small children like how he always wanted. They were happy just the way they were. They had framed pictures of Liam around because Harry wanted his kids to know and he loved telling William about him. He wasn't bothered about it anymore. William would call him Uncle Liam and he would call Niall Uncle Niall. It made him so happy. This was his fairy tale. He wouldn't want anything else. He didn't want anything else because he had it all here. He hated the man with all of him but now he loved him. He realized.....

It all really did work out. 

 

THE END 

 

Authors note: 

guys it's over I can't believe it! It's been amazing writing this but don't forget I'm writing the other story! Mr. Styles. 

I hope you all enjoyed the book! I love you all so much! Please go read Mr. Styles when it's out! It's not a Larry it's a Harry smut! 

All the love B. xxxx


End file.
